visited family in Florida--SUPPORT NEEDED

Everyone at this board is always so good at supporting each other, and I definitely need it at this point... I just got back a few days ago from a family vacation in Florida. All of my family and my husband's family live there (we grew up in Orlando and got married in Orlando). I was nervous about reactions to my weight loss. It was very hard (actually harder than I expected), but I did get through it. Some of my husband's family were the most supportive, but only superficially. My sister didn't really say much. Unfortunately, even though I have lost a significant amount of weight (81 to 85 pounds), I still look very heavy and have 50 to 70 pounds to lose still. Even though I can hardly tell I have lost weight by how I look, I guess I was hoping for a "wow" moment from someone that hasn't seen me in at least a yar, as I have read that so many others of you have had this "wow" type of response from family and friends they haven't seen since before surgery. Part of the problem is that I was a normal weight when I was younger and when I first got married, I guess maybe everyone expected me to look like that again. As a result of this visit, I am starting to become depressed again and haven't even been able to visit this site or read everyone's posts without crying. I am trying to stay positive and think about how much better (physically) I feel after this loss of weight. One positive thing is that we also attended my husband's 30-year high school reunion in Florida, and I felt much more confident at this weight than I would have last year Thanks for listening... SueZ

SueZ: I am so sorry that you are feeling sad. I went to visit my family and not one person commented at all, but then again none of them knows I had WLS. Try to focus on your accomplishments and write down a list of what you have gained by having WLS. Look at pics of yourself before WLS and compare them to pics of yourself now. Try not to let anyone's reactions or lack of reaction determine how you feel about yourself. Who cares what people expect you to look like? I haven't read in your post what you expect from yourself. Do you remember why you had this surgery? Once you determine your expectations apart from anyone else's, it will be harder for anyone to get you down. I understand that we all want and need encouragement. That is because we are human. Now you just know that you have to get your encouragement and support from places other than your blood family. This board is a good place to start. Also, have you joined a support group in your area? If not, you may think about doing so. (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you, Sue. I hope you are feeling better soon.

(I'm sorry this is so long...) Thanks for the HUGS. I am sorry no one in your family commented about your weight loss or surgery. Unfortunately, I do care too much about what the people I love and care for think about me (even what stangers think about me). I have been working on this in counseling because it has contributed a lot to my depression episodes. I have been thinking a lot about your comments (what do I expect from myself and do I remember why I had surgery). I know I expect too much and hope that others will not be as hard on me as I am. I do remember why I had this surgery and have already achieved some of the goals I had hoped to achieve after having the surgery. I think that after reading about so many others having positive comments and wow moments, I have expected to get the same and am disappointed that I have not gotten to feel those things. I had been telling myself since I lost 50 pounds and everyone else seemed to be getting so much positive encouragement from their loved ones that I probably will get that encouragement after 10 more pounds lost and when it didn't happen, I changed it to 60 pounds, then again to 75, then I thought my family that hadn't seen me since before surgery would definitely be encouraging. Oh well, I guess I do need to find encouragement and support somewhere else or like I hear in counseling "from myself". I honestly do not see myself any less fat than before surgery even though I weigh over 80 pounds less and have dropped several clothing sizes. I still compare myself to how I looked before I was overweight and cannot enjoy the accomplishments I have made so far. I do not enjoy shopping for clothing like most others do, because I still feel so fat. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to respond. SueZ

Oh Suz... I had similiar expierences when I went home this last time. My sister keeps asking if I plan on going to my HS reunion to "show off" and I keep reminding her that even though I was a 18/20 when I graduated from HS, I still carried my weight well and no one but my coachs knew how much I really weighed back them. People are just going to remember me as a jock, not as the fat girl. So I am not going to get the "WOW" I might expect. KWIM? Yes, focus on the positive and the goals you have reached for yourself! Screw what anyone else thinks. You have done great and you are gonna continue to lose so much more... I know you can do it girl! (Goodness, I sound like Tony Little...) Anyways, you are NOT alone in the whole family not supporting you (or superficially supporting you) I am right there along side of you girl! We can cry together and move on together! It is ok, to be disappointed but do not let it consume you girl... find something new and positive to focus on! You have your own demons to battle and do not need to try and take on anyone elses. KWIM? (Some family members will not support you b/c they liked you how you were for some subconcious reason and they don't want you to change.... for example!) Let them battle their own head and you concentrate on yours! BIG HUGS FOR A THINNER CHICA! Brightest Blessings for a Wonderful Day~ Jamie M. aka Lady Autumn Weight- 257/173/146 BMI- 44.1/29.7/25 Height- 5'4" Total Weight Loss: -84 lbs. Surgery Date- 1/19/05 Visit my OH profile or stop by My Weight Loss Journey Website at: home.bellsouth.net/p/PWP-LadyAutumnsWLSjourney

I really am trying to focus on the positive, but it is so hard. I wish I could have your attitude of "screw what anyone else thinks", but I am working on it. You did sound just like Tony Little I have a video of him that came with the Gazelle I purchased several years ago. SueZ

Hello SueZ, I have a family reunion coming up next month. I have been worried about the responses I'm gonna get too. You know, I have seen alot of people that I really expected a BIG reaction but some did not say a word. I have decided that ALOT of people cannot deal with others being happy. I know I look in the mirror and I still see the big me. My body is smaller, I can see that but I am still big. Please don't get discouraged, focus on what your life was like before and the things you couldn't do then, that you can now. I can tie my shoes instead of just slip them on....nobody needs to know that, BUT I know that......you see WE have made BIG changes and this surgery make our lives LIVEABLE. Don't let people bring you down your doing great.....keep it up. They probably just didn't know what to say......let me stop making excuses. FOCUS on YOU Girl you'll be fine. Felicia

Good luck with your family reunion, Felicia. I think you made a good point that they probably just didn't know what to say. Yes, this surgery has already made my life liveable, unlike before January of 2005. Thanks Felicia.