Toxic people!!!
Today, I realized that most of my self image is thanks to my dear mother.
In her words I am " a big-boned, football shouldered, fat woman with big feet and a big nose." WELLLLLLLLLL, I will soon NOT be overweight, and my doctor gave me a referral yesterday for a plastic surgeon to fix the crooked(not big) nose! As for the rest, s#@*w them!
BTW, Her description of me actually fits HER! (except the fat part)
The doctor says my deviated septum (crooked nose) is causing breathing problems and that the surgery will correct it (and the insurance will cover it). I have never been able to breath through my nose. I can't imagine how great it will be!
To all of us out there:
Some people in our lives are TOXIC!! Whenever we can, we should remove them or ourselves from them. In the case of family or work, this can be difficult. If totally cutting off contact is impossible, then avoid the person as much as possible. I feel empowered when I stay away from Mom, and depressed for three days after a visit. My house isn't clean enough, I am not raising the kids right, etc. I am sure some of you can relate. A negative comment from a teacher, or someone in our past can hurt a lifetime! How much more a negative comment from family hurts!!!
Stand in front of the mirror and affirm yourself everyday! Don't just work the outside! My son telling me I am beautiful does wonders!
GREAT ADVICE GIRL! 
I too have had to distant myself from toxic people in my life and embrace the ones *****ally love me. Personally my family has been more supportive than I expected. However it is not without problems or compromises. Take my baby sister for example, she has always struggled with her weight, yo-yoing more than I ever did, she'd go from a 10 to an 18 in six months with no problem! Well to her benefit (or detriment) she is tall, she's 5'11" so even though she has been gaining weight and can no longer keep it off so easily, she does not qualify for the surgery. When I broke the news that I was having it she was happy and envious at the same time. Mostly, she was scared that she might loose me. Thankfully I came out alright and I have been successful. Our relationship has always been close and strong so she has been able to admit that hearing my progress makes her happy for me but pissed off at the same time, since she cannot loose anything. I remindher each time that surgery is not the answer for everyone and it is definitly not for her so there is no reason to be envious of the surgery. Her lifestyle is definitly not condusive to a successful outcome if she had the surgery. (She is young and still unwilling to make sacrifices on behalf of her own health... in time she will learn that she needs to come first.) So now when we talk I have to be really concious of how "excited" I get. And she is concious of her reactions towards me. We agreed to be happy for one another and try to continue to help one another.
Now one of my "fat friends" right now is really pissy with me all of the time. She claims to not know why and she is trying to work on it but I laid it out for her the other day. I reminded her that she did not want me to have the surgery (she went with me to the surgeons info seminar and by the time she left she had formed an opinion on WLS) and once I did our relationship's dynamics changed a bit. I told her I hoped that she would be happy for me but obviously my success bothers her and that if she is unwillingt o reach a compromise like my sister did that I am unwilling to maintain an unhealthy relationship. So far, I have not gotten a response from her on the matter. She has continued to treat me as if noting has transpired, so I am plying the waiting game.
These are just two of my relationships that have been affected by WLS. My most TOXIC relationship is that of the one I have with my MIL. See I was blessed and cursed within one marriage! I have the MIL everyone dreads and the MIL (step) who everyone wants! My step MIL and I have battled the buldge together. She succeeded on WW and I have succeeded with WLS. We shop together, exchange photos online (when we can't visit) and all together support one another. Now my MIL is psycho... she find fault in everything I do. Just like you, my house is not clean enough ****ep a very clean house, but live in military housing so I have to make best with what I have...LOL!), my kid is not smart enough-does not visit her enough-is not enough like hs father....i could go on.... she baby's his cousins and does nothing for him, I am not a good enough mother or wife, I don't amount to anythign b/c I choose not to work outside of the home, it has taken me 10 years to finish 2 degrees and that is too long, she blames me for her son being in the army (HELLO- it is HIS dream, not mine...LOL). So a few years ago I washed my hands of her. I only email her once or twice a year with important info, I don't talk to her, and I don't visit. After I had my surgery her calls started coming more often and her inquires even more prying... she feels that WLS is the easy way out. So I delete the emails and let the machine get the phone (thank God for caller ID). I am not sure what is gonna happen this summer when we go back to MI for a visit. By then I should be at goal but far from PS. So I am not looking forward to her comments, that is for sure.
I know we are told that our relationships will be affected after WLS, but knowing and expierencing are TWO different things!
Brightest Blessings for a Wonderful Day~
Jamie M.
aka Lady Autumn
Weight- 257/204/146
BMI- 44.1/35/25
Height- 5'4" Total Weight Loss: -53 lbs.
Surgery Date- 1/19/05
Visit my OH profile or stop by My Weight Loss Journey Website at:
home.bellsouth.net/p/PWP-LadyAutumnsWLSjourney
I too have had to distant myself from toxic people in my life and embrace the ones *****ally love me. Personally my family has been more supportive than I expected. However it is not without problems or compromises. Take my baby sister for example, she has always struggled with her weight, yo-yoing more than I ever did, she'd go from a 10 to an 18 in six months with no problem! Well to her benefit (or detriment) she is tall, she's 5'11" so even though she has been gaining weight and can no longer keep it off so easily, she does not qualify for the surgery. When I broke the news that I was having it she was happy and envious at the same time. Mostly, she was scared that she might loose me. Thankfully I came out alright and I have been successful. Our relationship has always been close and strong so she has been able to admit that hearing my progress makes her happy for me but pissed off at the same time, since she cannot loose anything. I remindher each time that surgery is not the answer for everyone and it is definitly not for her so there is no reason to be envious of the surgery. Her lifestyle is definitly not condusive to a successful outcome if she had the surgery. (She is young and still unwilling to make sacrifices on behalf of her own health... in time she will learn that she needs to come first.) So now when we talk I have to be really concious of how "excited" I get. And she is concious of her reactions towards me. We agreed to be happy for one another and try to continue to help one another.
Now one of my "fat friends" right now is really pissy with me all of the time. She claims to not know why and she is trying to work on it but I laid it out for her the other day. I reminded her that she did not want me to have the surgery (she went with me to the surgeons info seminar and by the time she left she had formed an opinion on WLS) and once I did our relationship's dynamics changed a bit. I told her I hoped that she would be happy for me but obviously my success bothers her and that if she is unwillingt o reach a compromise like my sister did that I am unwilling to maintain an unhealthy relationship. So far, I have not gotten a response from her on the matter. She has continued to treat me as if noting has transpired, so I am plying the waiting game.
These are just two of my relationships that have been affected by WLS. My most TOXIC relationship is that of the one I have with my MIL. See I was blessed and cursed within one marriage! I have the MIL everyone dreads and the MIL (step) who everyone wants! My step MIL and I have battled the buldge together. She succeeded on WW and I have succeeded with WLS. We shop together, exchange photos online (when we can't visit) and all together support one another. Now my MIL is psycho... she find fault in everything I do. Just like you, my house is not clean enough ****ep a very clean house, but live in military housing so I have to make best with what I have...LOL!), my kid is not smart enough-does not visit her enough-is not enough like hs father....i could go on.... she baby's his cousins and does nothing for him, I am not a good enough mother or wife, I don't amount to anythign b/c I choose not to work outside of the home, it has taken me 10 years to finish 2 degrees and that is too long, she blames me for her son being in the army (HELLO- it is HIS dream, not mine...LOL). So a few years ago I washed my hands of her. I only email her once or twice a year with important info, I don't talk to her, and I don't visit. After I had my surgery her calls started coming more often and her inquires even more prying... she feels that WLS is the easy way out. So I delete the emails and let the machine get the phone (thank God for caller ID). I am not sure what is gonna happen this summer when we go back to MI for a visit. By then I should be at goal but far from PS. So I am not looking forward to her comments, that is for sure.
I know we are told that our relationships will be affected after WLS, but knowing and expierencing are TWO different things!
Brightest Blessings for a Wonderful Day~
Jamie M.
aka Lady Autumn
Weight- 257/204/146
BMI- 44.1/35/25
Height- 5'4" Total Weight Loss: -53 lbs.
Surgery Date- 1/19/05
Visit my OH profile or stop by My Weight Loss Journey Website at:
home.bellsouth.net/p/PWP-LadyAutumnsWLSjourney 
My mother is the most toxic person on earth and I don't have to balls 
to tell her because I am the only person that she has left in her life.
I went from being told all my life you have a lovely face to bad you can't stop eating. To oh this is so dangerous (wls) why would you want to do that to yourself, to of you look so great why didn't you lose weight years ago.
I use to talk to her every day but now I try and not talk to her more than once a week. I know that she will never be happy with who or what I am and that it is her problem not mine.
I now like who I am and where I am headed and know one will be allowed to take that from me..............................Peggy
to tell her because I am the only person that she has left in her life.
I went from being told all my life you have a lovely face to bad you can't stop eating. To oh this is so dangerous (wls) why would you want to do that to yourself, to of you look so great why didn't you lose weight years ago.
I use to talk to her every day but now I try and not talk to her more than once a week. I know that she will never be happy with who or what I am and that it is her problem not mine.
I now like who I am and where I am headed and know one will be allowed to take that from me..............................Peggy Most Active
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