Dealing with negative comments

There's a lot to this whole wls thing. I consider myself a strong person, but for the first time since my weight loss, (around 42lbs) I had to deal with negative comments regarding my weight before and after my surgery. I thought I had set my paremeters for these types of comments well before the surgery. After hearing the comments I felt really bad inside and had to shake it off. I was caught off guard and didn't quite know how to respond. First the person didn't want to make eye contact with me. Then proceeded to say that my "a**" and hips were big as a house before the surgery" but then contradicted herself by saying that I now have a waistline. She then topped it off by saying, "Now you are the same size as me." This person is quite large and people who heard the comments laughed because I was smaller than her before the surgery. The reason this was so hard is because the negative comment wasn't from a co-worker or stranger, it was from my own sister. It was very hurtful, not to mention that when I was heavier she never commented on how my weight made me look, even though I have persistant health problems which consists of sleep apnea, high blood pressure and arthritis. The irony in her comments is that I made this wls decision because of my health issues, not because I want to be skinny and cute. I will be going back to work in 2 weeks and thought I had a mind set on how to handle this type of thing. Guess I was focusing more on non-family members. I'm OK now but just wanted to give folks something to think about while we complete our journey. Anyone dealing with the same type of thing that they are willing to share? Thanks for letting me vent. Annette

Wow I am sorry you had to go threw this,but.. People are shalllow and sometimes don't think b4 they speak. I know this I have the same sister. Keep your head up and watch her head spin when you are a Big Loser!

I think sometimes they say things because they are jealous that you have taken control of your problem. I have delt with this (not as harsh) from co-workers who are as heavy or heavier then me. I really get tired of the not so blaten ones. I have one co-worker that gets offened that I can not eat certian foods. I have others who will now spend our entire lunch break talking about diets that I should have tried. You just have to learn to bru**** off. I think with the comment your sister made, she was just showing her insucrities and maybe some jealousy. We are all proud of you and know you made the right decision for you health. Jenn

I agree with the others. It does sound like jealousy. You are doing something for yourself and she isn't. It's amazing how unhappy people want to make others unhappy, too, instead of figuring out how to make their lives better. Energy waster!! Try and surround yourself with postive people. Unfortunately, we do not all get positive people for our relatives. BE good to you. Good luck.

Annette: Try to have some compassion for your sister. She is stuck in a miserable position of not liking herself, but not having the guts to do anything about it! She is really having a hard time seeing you succeed. It is not that she doesn't love you and wants to hurt you, but that she is hurting inside. She knows that she shouldn't be feeling these feelings, but she can't help herself. Boy, am I glad that my sister is only 10 years old! Children are SO supportive and loving! Monique 274/258/170

I no longer tolerate bullcrap from insensitive clods...I don't believe that they do not know what they are saying..and if they don't..as far as I am concerned..I think they need a wake up call...so I give it to 'em as good as I get it!!! You should have told your sister that she needs a REALITY CHECK!!!! Sorry you got your feelings hurt...for myself..I am done being the "jolly, good natured" fat person...underneath..I never was. Unfortunately, people will often push us just as far as we will let them. Sher' 272/234/180

Thanks to everyone *****plied to my post. You all made very valid points.

I live with two other people, and we are each on our own journey to loose weight. Unfortunately, one of my roomates can be a real pain at times. She said insulting things to my surgeon (pre-op of all the nerve). I went through a hard time with her before and after surgery...she isn't an easy person to live with. Today, I told her about a woman I met who had WLS because she was around 260...her response was that the woman was insane for having the surgery. She thinks that woman should have lost the weight the "old fashioned way", like herself..living on salads, etc. Why try to make a judgement about someone she doesn't know? She can be very insulting at times I know she's dealing with issues, but really! Oh well..thanks for giving me the oportunity to vent. P.S. my experience with my own mother and sister was very, very bad. They used to call me Fat _ss this or fat, lazy _itch. They do Not know I had the surgery, because I no longer speak to them.

I too have a "friend" like that. I was speaking to her girlfriend (partner) about it and how I felt that she was quickly becoming an "x-friend" and she got pissed that her partner was acting like that. So she said something to her and before you knew it we had a dialog going. Yeah, it took some compromises but we are both better for it. I was just under 260 when I had the surgery and if I could have lost the weight on my own I would have. I did a medically supervised program before surgery adn I did EVERYTHING right but I managed to GAIN weight! It finally got to the point where exercising would have killed me literally. (My BP was so high I would pass out!) So I (who was a former person who disliked surgery as an option) finally realized it was my only way out of my own prison of fat. I do not regret my decision ONE BIT! Excess weight can be dibilitating at any size, it all depends on how your own body reacts to it. KWIM? Brightest Blessings for a Wonderful Day~ Jamie M. aka Lady Autumn Weight- 257/215/146 BMI- 44.1/36.9/25 Height- 5' 4" lbs lost: -42 Open RNY: 1/19/05 My WLS Journey Site: home.bellsouth.net/p/PWP-LadyAutumnsWLSjourney No matter what size, we are all Goddesses inside!

I couldnt get a complement from my sister If I paid her.Also alot of my family members act like I have I have signed my death warrent.I can see my sisters point somewhat after what happend to her daughter(see profile)but I made it through WLS and I did it cause I wanted to live!!!As far as negitive comments I feel like others that some people are trapped and have a lonley life and cant think of anything to make it better so they like to make others misirable.I have several SMO relitives like that.All I do is listen to them and think to myself KISS MY SHRINKING AZZ ((((HUGGS))))