To tell or not to tell? What's the best way to approach the date?

I'm down to just about 30 days till surgery date (Jan 20) and am very much looking forward to heading in the right direction. I'm 52 and have battled the problem of obesity since I was a teen. The thought of having one last chance to live a fairly normal physical lifestyle is so pleasing. It is the best Christmas present that I could ever have. I have not shared the news outside of a "very, very" small circle of extremely close friends. It was difficult enough explaining it to my wife. I just don't want to have to justify this long thought out decision to everyone I talk to - unless they were in my shoes they likely would not understand. What are others plans for explaining their obvious change as the weeks turn to months after surgery? Are you telling people you work with prior to your date? While I am excited and anxious to get to the date, I am keeping it all inside to avoid issues and needless arguments with those I work with and my friends. How about others? Dwight

I have chosen not to share my exciting news with those I work with Dwight. The counselor that I went to see as part of my requirements for surgery agreed. Why add the burden to yourself of possible negativity. This is a time we deserve to be happy, and we all know that there will be the nay sayers out there. I have decided to let my co-workers discover my weight loss on their own. If they ask me I will answer honestly, and I'm sure eventually I'll be shouting from the roof tops about my success, but for now it belongs to me, you, and the one's we love and love us in return! Adrienne P

Thanks for the advice Adrienne. You're exactly right in that this is the time we should be very happy and excited about our future. We'll let the facts speak for themselves come next summer All the best in January! Dwight

It was hard for me to decide who and when to tell. My husband was in complete support of my decision but the rest of my family are not so happy about it. I am almost sorry I told them. I waited until just recently to tell others including my church family about it. Everyone is praying for me and understands that I am doing wls for my health (which has really gone downhill this past year). If I had it to do over again, I would probably have waited until the week before the surgery before telling my family. My surgery is also on January 20th. I'm sure the time will fly by. My prayers are with you. God Bless, Karen

Thanks so much Karen. I am going to heed the advice and hold off on telling friends and co-workers. I seem to be fine as far as being ready for the surgery so it's not like I need a crew of people to help get me prepared. January 20 will be here in a flash for us both. All my prayers and best wishes to you - Dwight

I actually just shared the news with my boss today - only because I am in a school and my surgery date is the date we are supposed to come back from the Christmas break. Her initial reactions were "Isn't it elective?" and "Can't you put it off until summer?" - she quickly got over it when she realized I had worked out the details and that my job would be covered in my absence. As far as family, I have had a wide range of "support". My husband and parents are excited, other family members are still in the "you aren't big enough to do THAT are you??" mode. Just remember that this is one time that you need to be selfish and that it is in your best interest. Those you love and care for need to realize that without this, they may end up without YOU. Amanda

Hi Amanda. Your boss's reaction is exactly the problem. People that don't know, really don't know. They have no appreciation of the problem that we are and have dealt with for most of our lives. For them it is not a priority or treated seriously. This is a life altering decision and opportunity for those of us that are able to pursue surgery. It is not a decision that was taken lightly. For me it has been about a three year process with the last 9 months being total focus on making it happen. You are exactly right in that we are doing this for us - it is critical for our lives. All the best - 2005 will be a new beginning for us.

Dwight, I am glad you posted this question - I have been asking my family and friends this same question so it's nice to see how others who are actually HAVING the surgery are dealing with it! I told a few people at work that I am close with - as well as my supervisor and his supervisor. I think I have the fortunate advantage of having those two supervisors support me in this and encourage me. I have told some family, but somehow others I didn't tell know about it! When I go out for work a friend there who knows suggested my voicemail and email message just say I am out on personal leave. I was afraid to tell my boyfriend and my parents, because I thought they would both say I needed to try other things first and that the surgery was risky. It has been somewhat of a hard road there, not in the sense I thought but that they are all worried. I would definately NOT tell anybody I didn't have to that would end up in an argument. I am also excited and anxious. I don't know if anyone else feels this way but I'm somewhat disappointed in that I have invited the two closest people to me (who live near me) to the dietary and support group meetings and so far nobody has gone and I have had a five month wait! But ultimately it doesn't matter - I am the one going through this and nobody else. It would be wonderful to have the support but not critical. I am just imposing a "no advice" rule to those who want to know it all after the surgery but have not gone through the process! Good luck, Dwight. Keep your eye on the health and weight loss and think about everyone's mouth closing shut when they see the results! EVERYBODY is going to have an opinion (I have heard it ALL I think) but you made your decision and this is for you so God Bless! Elaine

Hi Elaine, Thanks for the note. I very much appreciated your comments. It sounds as if it is a dilema that everyone goes through. I think it is very hard to predict how family and friends will react to the news. For me, I am going to go about it expecting that I may need to be my own best support group and do it by myself with the possible help and coaching of those in my local hospital group that have been through it already. I am sure that after a few more sessions I will feel more comfortable opening up with them. Best of luck with your surgery Elaine. I look forward to sharing the news of our progress as we go through 2005. All the best. Dwight

Hey Dwight My name is Donna i am Weighting at 310 right now. I got my date set for 1/10/05 woohoo. I have a few big people in my family, and I have told them and they have my back 100%. But on the other hand I let my mother know sence we are soooooooo close, but much to my surprise she doesnt have my back Out of all people I thought my mother would but you know what thats ok. I am gonna do it without her. She did say she would help a little after the surgery, but I know my mother she will be to busy. I have to and am goin to do this for me and me only yeah man woohoo sorry lol just happy! Peace Donna M.