Finding a place

So now that its almost two years out, I thought I would be through all the emotional parts of the surgery. But lately I have felt like I can not find my place. Before I was always the fat girl. It gave me an excuse to be alone, never had to be attached, so did not get hurt by people. Now I do not have that wall. I am 30 and do not know where me and my body belong. With the new free spirited people I have come to know? Am I ready to settle down and become a mom? Is there anyway I can crawl back into my womb of saftey? I am feeling very lost and all my saftey responses are not what they were. Has anyone else felt lost in the new you? Jenn

hi jenn i kind of know what you are talking about, although i'm a lot older than you (about 5 weeks from turning 50), so my options of where to fit in are different than yours. it is definitely a tough adjustment. i find that my years of obese hibernation have really taken a toll on my social skills. i've always had a job and interacted with co-workers, but avoided all social situations like the plague. now i actually feel like going out and doing things, but social skills like just making meaningless conversation with strangers at a party or something - i just don't seem to know how to do! i've never been married, never had kids, actually never even been in a relationship. i'm just taking it slow...just feeling my way along. i hope you can find your way. if you think i can help in any way, feel free to email me anytime. deb -273

Jenn, I'm coming from a different place than you - I've always been "social" and I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 32 years, but I think I understand what you mean. It is hard to figure out exactly where we belong now that we're no longer the "fat chicks". I was always the "funny, jolly, fat girl" to everyone else but not really so jolly in reality. Now I'm just me and I've even had several folks tell me I don't seem as "happy" as I used to. I tell them I might have seemed happier when I was fat but I'm actually happier and more contented now, I just don't go out of my way to be the "jollly" one in a crowd anymore. Don't give up and crawl back into the cocoon of fat. Keep pushing yourself to make new friends and let your inner self shine. Those that love the new you may not understand your "growing pains" but will accept them as part of the package. Everyone grows & evolves with time - ours is just a more visible journey than most. Vickie J.