My crazy insane out of control life!

When did everything in my life turn bad? I don't know it just kinda snuck up on me. My sister who had WLS 2 years ago in oct is in a rehab program for adiction to narcotics. She had some biliary problems that just led to this addiction. My parents are fighting and talking divorce....Or at least one of them leaving. My dad thinks my mom is seeing someone...She also had this surgery a yr ago in may....My landlord is forclosing on the house we rent, he refuses to fix the roof that has caused major water damage. We are moving out some time, but I don't know when or how financial we are going to. My husband thinks I am seeing someone else. That only adds to the already present marital problems. He wants to buy a house, but I am not sure how much longer we are going to be together. The only joy in my life is my daughter. Oh while I am complaining I forgot to add that between my mother and I we are trying to take care of my sisters 3 boys ages 7,6, and 3. Fun fun fun. I keep forgetting to take my vitamins and anti depressant. I am having terrible insomnia attacks. Most nights I don't even fall asleep until 4 or 5 am then I have to get up with my daughter because my husband works nights. There are so many days when I just want to pack everything up and leave. Leave everthing just to be on my own to figure out who I am. My mother said something interesting to me about this surgery. Yes it has changed the physical for the good but the emotional and psychological effects can be devistating. I agree since this surgery I have begun to realize that I don't want to be the girl in the coner anymore. I want to be the one that everyone want s to talk to. I want to be who I am plus more. Boy I am long winded. If anyone has expierienced anything like this please help me. I am stuck and that is why I have to control the only thing I think I can my weight. And please don't ask me to seek cousling because I have tried it and in my opinion it doesn't work. Thanks for listening! Stacy

Stacy, I had surgery in Jan. 04. I have lost a total of 106 lbs. This is a new and wonderful experience for me and my hubby of 24 yrs. I have 3 children (Son:age 21 and married 2 yrs with a new baby boy. Two daughters TWINS! age:17. Both girls have had cancer treatments at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Both have mental disabilities due to treatment.) My Brother 2 weeks ago tried to commit suicide by taking pills he got hooked on from a Doctor. He is trying to recover from this. I have had counciling off and on for the past ten years- the first 6 years straight then as needed. I will tell you the same as I did him yesterday; "The outside world is not the problem, what's inside you, hurting you is the problem!" Even the most beautiful people are not pretty when something inside is hurting. My brother said they were getting too personal for him. If you don't get real about what's hurting you you are just playing games with the doctor and wasting time and your life. Go back and get real about what's going on in your life. Been there and done that! My life is as beautiful inside as I feel outside! Wanda -106

Oh Stacy Honey... I can't even imagine what you are feeling.... I won't tell you to seek counseling, but I want to share my experience with therapy with you and how drastically it changed my life. I am single with no kids ~ so how could I have problems, right? WRONG! For years I pretended to be the "cheery, upbeat girl" despite my weight. I was determined not to let it affect me. For the most part it worked. Want to know why? I wasn't real with myself. I was living my alternate life - a lie! Your inside story sounds so familiar to me! After wls, I wanted so bad to live my real life. I too, have been in therapy for years. I had to work hard at finding a therapist that I was both comfortable with and meshed with me (very important!) Don't be afraid to try another one, or another one until you find someone that works with you. Even while I was in therapy sometimes things got worse - but I stuck with it. I tried to commit suicide and spent time in a mental hospital. I was devastated. Then they discovered I was bipolar. That was even more devastating. I was now "mentally ill". I truly thought stuff like that only happened to other people and there was something wrong with them if they couldn't deal with it. Boy was I wrong. For the past two years I have seen just how many "normal" people have a mental illness and I have learned to celebrate my successes instead of hide from my illness. My family still hides from it - but I don't care. I have talked with them about my feelings and told them I am open to discussion any time they are ready. My point (equally long winded) is that yes, emotionally, physically & spiritually you are a different person. My guess is that you are feeling suffocated by your current responsibilities just when you want to explore your new person. You didn't mention why you and your mother are taking care of your sister's kids. But as many issues that are not yours - MAKE THEM NOT YOURS! It is extremely difficult to say no - especially to family. You can love them, support them, care for them. But if you don't nurture yourself - how do you have energy to support other people? If it is all possible - take a weekend and go somewhere alone. Even if it's just a friends house or camping in the woods. Be by yourself for a weekend. No kids, nor worries. This will help tremendously. You owe it to yourself to be healthy, both physically & emotionally. Be honest with yourself. My grandmother gave me a piece of advice that I try to remember and adhere to - no matter how impossible it may seem.... You can only worry about three things at once - so pick the three things that you actually have control over. Once you let the others go - no matter how difficult, your life won't seem so overwhelming. I'll be praying for you! God Bless Barbie

Stacy - I am sorry so much negative is happening....but the one thing I learned is that if you have a bad relationship or marriage, it will just get worse after RNY surgery. Although this is not my case, I listen to many bariatric people in your shoes. I am sorry about your folks....no matter how old we are, it is devastating to even think they are fighting, let alone thinking of leaving one another! But remember, you do not HAVE to have a bad relationship. Things get worse when they are bad to start out with - when people don't work at the relationship. It now takes a new kind of focus - you, too, are a new person since your surgery. This in itself is very threatening to your husband, even though he was probably very supportive of you having the surgery. He may very well be scared of the new you! But Stacy, listen to me - you must take care of YOU! You are no good to anyone if you are not good to yourself. Try to become more focused on you, your daughter and your husband. When he receives a more focused form of attention from you, he will see that you are not running around on him, etc. He will begin to lighten up somewhat, and as your focus on him and your daugher remain, the dynamics between you both will change for the good. These 2 people are the most important people in your life, next to caring for yourself. We are not responsible for our parents. You cannot fix any of their stuff. Just keep your focus on your own little family....and remember to communicate with your higher spiritual power. Things do work out for the best sometimes, though. As your husband notices your caring focus, the days will get easier, and soon, you will be able to sleep better. Right now you are running on empty! Please do not be discouraged. You are a worthy human being and you have come so far since your RNY! You have much to offer the world, not to mention how special you are to your daughter. Keep the faith! Regards, Midge Ruhl