I'm so upset...

I'm so upset with myself. Ok, not really myself, but I am grieving my food loss now. I have been really good with this aspect up until now. How naieve of me to think that I wouldn't have to deal with this in my journey. Let me tell you what is happening... If you'll remember, I just started a new traveling Human Resources job and began my life on the road early last week. So get this - it has only been one week, right? Well - I am pretty stressed, I miss my home, I miss my cats - which I had to give away because of this job and I miss my friends at my last job and I miss my own bed. I was a director at my last job and here, even though I am making considerably more money, I am the new kid and just one of many. In feeling this depressed, I have to be careful - I am also bipolar. I barely got out of my last cycle before I started my new job - what the hell was I thinking! I need my comfort food! If I could just have a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough Haagen Daz or half a bag of Keebler's Fudge Elfin cookies with milk, or a cheese pizza, OH! I know - McDonalds supersized topped off with an Arby's jamocha shake! How I wish for just one day that I could have these things back! I have heard that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels - yeah? well - I'm not thin yet - and I don't know about you - but I didn't eat for the taste of food! I've been around my new coworkers all week who don't know about my surgery or my bipolar or my issues. There are cookies, chocolate, cakes; they go out for happy hour, they go out to eat every night! All things that I CAN'T DO! My old coworkers didn't go out, we rarely had food around & after my surgery they REALLY didn't have bad food around. I don't have my safety net out here on the road. Now please, I did think through all of this before I took this new opportunity. And I still am ready to move forward with it - I just am miserable right at this moment and need to find other things to deal with my emotions other than food. I'm afraid I haven't done that up to this point because there was no need - I wasn't tempted enough. I'm sorry to dump on all of you like this - I know you all have your own lives and issues going on. Just hoping to vent a little, that's all. Any comments please leave here or it might be awhile before I can get back to you. My new company has blocked all outside email from their systems due to high security. Get this - I can visit aol, but I can't get to e-mail there. strange, huh? Anyway - thanks for listening! Barbie 281/196/170ish

Barbie, All of us have issues with food or we wouldnt be here! Try and remeber what your goals are and cheat a little...I found that if you have a bite or two of the food your craving after you have that about all your goals it doesnt even taste like you remembered.Have a cookie or buy the ice cream and have a bite and put in back in freezer..At least it works for me..You are doing well and remember you have friends here going through the same crap one way or the other. good luck and let me know how this works for you?

Barbie- You have come a long way! Keep your chin up and a smile on your face! I am 7 months post-opt and pretty much eat what I want, in moderation. I have not really had to deal with food issues. A couple of times I thought "boy would I love to bite into a big juicy cheese burger loaded with pickles!" I can't eat bread or hamburger! I eat lots of protein and stay away from carbs as much as possible! The support group I attend is wonderful! I encourage you try and find one. I have been instructed by a dietien to stay away from pasta, rice, and potatoes for at least a year. I have had potatoes, but no pasta or rice. Find something new to do with your hands that will keep your mind off of food! I haven't found anything new to do (with the exception of excerise class & yoga), but I just think to myself 248 lbs! how did I let myself get there, not again! I am sooooo much healthier and happier with myself and life! Just think we've probably added at least 15 -20 years to our lives! What more can we ask for? We all get depressed and have to deal with the food issues. For heavens sake food was my soal mate! I ate when I was happy, sad, depressed, and even when I wasn't hungry! I ate all the time! What a life! I do go out to eat! As a matter-of-fact I went out last night and had a cup of bean soup, 2 pieces of bacon, and one scrambled egg. I ate the soup, the bacon, and about 1/2 the egg. And I was satisfied. Keep smiling! Best of luck to you on the rest of your WLS journey! Kimberley 248/236/142.5/125 Some day I hope!

It will take a while to adjust to all the changes. Give yourself a break, but don't allow food to become your focus again. I don't know why you can't go out to eat with your co-workers. I've eaten out with friends from seven weeks on and feel my choices are as good when I eat out as they are at home. I always have a take out box which you can't do on the road, but I assume the company is paying for your food so you can leave it without too much guilt. You can find meat & salad anywhere. Take your own salad dressing if you prefer. Best of luck.

I know how the depression can go, I have suffered for yrs and now I am not on any meds so many days I feel like you. I can understand the dilema of all the traveling. what else is there but take out? Just keep up on your meds and maybe adjust them alittle more now that you definatly have extra stress and make plans ahead to try to deal with the traveling isssues. We go on day trips and I have my salads etc ready in tupperware and my snacks in baggies so I wont eat out. I cant eat hamburgers or much bread so I am glad about that but the temptation is still there I am sure. Just try to keep in mind that you have come such a long way and look so fabulous and this is very well worth all you go through. Keep the faith and come any time to vent, I pray we can all be of some guidance and comfort for you when you need it, You can also always , anytime email me privately You are loved

Ups and downs............... No matter what we all have them......... You are doing awesome! Just keep your head up and think positive!

Hi Barbie, Love your new pix! I would not recognize that it was you if you had not included your old photo in the new one! New jobs and co-workers and situations are always stressful, aren't they? I hope by now you are feeling better and feel in better control. I haven't checked this site for a couple of weeks (my mother is very ill and I have had to move her into a skilled nursing facility due to being unable to work, watch her, care for her, stop her from falling, etc etc), or I would have responded earlier. I bet once you get into a routine with your new co-workers, and have figured out your 'place in the pack' you will feel loads better and in better control of your cravings. I went with some friends to the local Dairy Queen the other night and gave in to a desire to try one of their blizzards! I was surrounded by kids so was able to share my blizzard out with all the kids yet still was satisfied with only a little bit of my size small. And best of all, with all the increased activity I have had, it did not cause a hiccup on the scales or in trying on new clothes that I finally had to break down and buy! Add this to your routine now that you are traveling so much - pack a pair of headphones and DVD or cassette player and some tapes/cd's. While at your extended stay hotel or where ever, hit the fitness center while your new co-workers go to happy hour for a 60 or 90 min workout, or a quick swim, and then meet your co-workers for dinner after, only eat off the appetizer menu or off the kids menu, and promise yourself a smoothie later when tucked up in bed, chances are you will be tired and go to sleep without it! Worth a try anyway! Good luck! I still haven't figured out how to get photos up, but not tried very hard due to time constraints with caring for my Mother. By the way, she is also bi-polar and she is currently having issues with this in addition to her terminal disease. That is what I find is so hard about living with someone with bipolar disorder, you never know what/when the next cycle will be or what will prompt it. And with Mom, it seems like the cycles are more and more frequent and more and more serious and problematic to deal with. She has had to be hospitalized for the last 2 really big cycles, and now with her other medical problems, it seems like everyone is writing off her current symptoms as part of her disease process, and I am jumping up and down saying, you know what, this is what has happened before and this is treatable, lets treat it. I know it won't make a difference in the quantity of her life, but it certainly will in the quality of her life, which is much more important to me now, as she is probably within the last few weeks to months of her life right now. When I figure out the photos I will get some water sking photos up! Take care and hang in there! Sarah