I dont think they really understand it

Does anybody else have the problem of having relatives and friends not wanting you to have this surgery? I think they see me in one way and will have a hard time with my new identity. They just dont realize that this is the light at the end of my long, long dark tunnel. I have a little animosity for them as well, because do they realize that I feel like they are trying to block that light? Some change the subject and others just say "why are you gonna do that to yourself?". Get this, when I told my husband I was having this, he said why? I said because I have tried all other methods and nothing works.....want to know what he said? "Thats just an excuse"? Excuse? For what? He is better now, I think he realizes that its going to happen, so just get used to it.

Hi Dawn, I havent even told my family about the surgery. I knew they would try and talk me out of it, and i just dont want to hear all the negative things they have to say. I mentioned to my mom that i was thinking about having the surgery and she had a fit, And told me she didnt want to hear it and not to talk about it again. She didnt know that i already had a surgery date.LOL I get excited and i would love to be able to talk to her about it, but it's not going to happen. I may never tell her that i had surgery, i might just let her think that i just lost weight. An i a big CHICKEN or what. LOL. My husband is trying to be supportive, but he's a little nervous. He knows how much this means to me and that ive tried everything else to get this weight off. He knows how un-happy ive always been with my-self. You just hang in there Dawn, and if you need anyone to talk to, just e-mail me anytime. HUGGS Sandi

Ooh, icky subject. My sister had this done 2+ years ago (has lost 113 lbs), and at that time I didn't know anything about what WLS was about. She's always had things done for her/given to her, never had to really fight/work for anything, and I figured it was just another "gimme" for her, another easy stroll for something she wanted and wouldn't have to work for/at. (I've always struggled for everything in my life since I became an adult...had to work for everything, and it's been a very rough road, but has made me a stronger person as a result.) I'm an honest person, and when she told me she was having it done, I was honest with her and told her my thoughts (not the downright "cheez, another gimme?" brash opinion, but that I was in fear of her dying and leaving her children motherless, she lost tons of weight when she applied herself and used self-discipline, etc). As a result she didn't talk to me for months. In fact, I didn't even know she was in the hospital/had her surgery, only found out several days after she already returned home. I thoroughly admit that it was my IGNORANCE of this procedure that steered my thoughts, but after I saw how healthy and happy she became, I was genuinely happy for her, I apologized to her (at least twice that I distinctly remember), told her how misinformed I was and how wrong I was. My sis is not a forgiving person, never has been, holds grudges for years, and has never forgiven me. Whatever -- I've asked God's forgiveness for my ignorance, He's forgiven me, and that's all that counts. Maybe one day she'll forgive me, but I'm not holding my breath. ANYway, I'm now having the surgery and she won't even TALK to me about it. My Mom, who's seen the change in my sis's life, is so totally behind this, is at odds with my sis, too, 'cuz now my sis is mad at HER for supporting me (Mom didn't support my sis at first, either, and as with me, is thrilled for her after seeing the results). Mom lives with Sis, and has actually become sick from the stress of Sis's attitude with her. It'd be so simple to dial up the phone to ask Sis a simple question that I have about this, but I don't have that option, which is why I finally joined this website. She's the only person who's not supportive of me having this done, and her friends are confused as to why she's acting like that (they don't know the "real" her, they know her portrayed image of a kind, caring person). I'm considered a "lightweight", BMI is 41.8, and many people didn't understand why I'm having this. I'm having it done for other reasons: my fibromyalgia has gotten so bad that this is my last chance at relieving some pain from my weight, and if this doesn't work, I'll probably end up disabled from the FMS -- really stinks. Whenever anyone says "you're not THAT overweight...", I tell them "...wanna give me a piggyback ride and see if that changes your mind?" (something I saw someone else on this website say, and it fit my situation, and I've borrowed it...works every time!). According to Dr. Lane, about 40 pounds of my excess weight is muscle - I have my Dad's musculature, and Dr. Lane saw that. So I don't have as much fat to lose as most do -- which is another reason Sis is against me having this done. Additionally, I've never "yo-yo" dieted every day of my life like she has, and she thus thinks I haven't dieted enough: believe me, I've dieted when no one knew, but it never worked. I have a VERY efficient metabolism and EVERY bit of energy I take in STAYs in. RNY will help that in the malabsorption area. My triglycerides were 733 and I never even knew it. So there's a ton of reasons on which I was approved for the surgery. Bottom line -- if you were approved for this surgery, you need it. Who is anyone to question all the Dr's/insurance criteria? It's not easy getting approved for this, so if you are, you need it. So, yeah -- I'm getting the non-support from my Sis (altho the people who think I'm not "big" enough see my struggle with fibromyalgia and trust my judgement in this and support me 100% hoping it'll help my physical pain). I have to do this for me, to keep working, to get out of pain, to get healthy, to get some quality back into my life - case closed. Just keep focused on YOUR needs, not theirs, and you'll be fine. I wish everyone had the support they need (as I wish my Sis would forgive and support me), but that doesn't happen sometimes, so we just have to do it for US. I had to get "selfish" for me, and I'm not a selfish person at all. Hang in there...maybe after they see the results, they'll be apologizing to you like I have to my sister...

I too am having the same problem with my husband and my Mom. They have both decided they aren't for it but they will support me. My daughter on the other hand has been wonderful, she supports me 100%. But she is the reason I am doing this, for myself yes, but especially for her. To be around when she needs me, although she is grown I want her to know I tried to make a difference. It's good to know there are others out there having the same problem. Let's stick together, there is strength in numbers. Good Luck, Catherine

Most don't. My whole family is fairly supportive. My husband: WEll, you got this way from eating too much: I told him to look at his own belly and not point at mine ever again. I have had reactions "Taking the Easy Way Out! that's really a bunch of bull**** WE have all had to suffer poor healoth, indignation and who knows what else. I think people are scared we will change and not want them!

I have only told three people, my mom and two co-workers. I do not feel comfortable telling anyone else in my family at this time and may never tell them. KC

I think it's hard for people who haven't been where we are to understand. Some at least make the effort, others you may have to just write off. My mom, sister and boyfriend were all initially opposed when I said I wanted to do this, primarily out of fear that something would go wrong. My boyfriend is a doctor (NOT a surgeon) and started ticking off all the things that could go wrong. But they went with me to support groups for pre- and post-op WLS patients, met a lot of people who had been through this and saw the change it made in people's lives. At one meeting, we heard two different people who had major complications (one guy almost died) talk about their bad experiences -- and then say they'd still do it again in a heartbeat. I think this really impressed them, and over the months of waiting for my surgical consultation and seeing me do tons of research they all became extremely supportive. I think the worst are people who think this is "the easy way" out. I have to deal with a few of those at work. Although I did not want a lot of people to know, I told my boss and a couple of others and the word got around. I had one woman who has never been larger than size 6 in her life tell me I should just learn to eat less and exercise and I wouldn't have to put myself through this. PUL-LEAZE! I wanted to ask her to put on a 150 lb coat and walk around in it for a day so she could see how "lazy" I am. I've lost and regained over 100 lbs several times. Besides the strain on your body, it's emotionally devasting to go through that. I needed a tool that would work WITH me to keep the weight off, as I believe WLS will. Anyway, ultimately you have to trust that you have done what is right for you and not let anyone bring you down. This is YOUR life, do what works for you! Good luck. Linda

I totally understand. My husband never once questioned my decision and my two very close friends didn't either. My brother was a little different. Although, I have to give him some slack here because both of our parents are deceased and it's just the two of us left. I'm 33 and he's 35 so we're awfully young and he feels like he looses everyone. He never really said much about it I think mostly because he was scared and I didn't say much because I would do anything in the world to make him happy and I would only cry. As for other relatives, I waited until the last minute to tell some of them. Some didn't know until the day before and others knew through the grapevine but never really said anything. I don't think they understand the long process that this is. They see it as a quick and easy fix to a problem that they might not think is really that big of a deal. I mean, just go on a diet right, stop eating fast food. That will solve the problem and everything will be fine! Wrong! They aren't in that situation and they don't understand that this isn't a quick fix. This is not the easy way out by any stretch of the imagination. And I don't think they realize the kind of research we have all done to get to this place. Internet, chat rooms, talking with numerous doctors, etc. I don't think anyone would take this surgery lightly but I don't think they always think about that. I think some talk out of fear. My brother e-mailed me the night before my surgery and called and told me to check it. Gave me some lame excuse about something. Anyway, he told me everything I needed to hear at that particular time. One of those e-mails I will cherish forever. He basically said he didn't want to influence my decision one way or the other and that he thought I was very brave for doing this for myself and my family. In the long run they will stand by you and understand as long as you know you're doing it for the right reasons you'll be just fine. Think of it as a short term pain to a long term, and exciting life!!!

It's fear, they don't understand the surgery. Most of my family was ok with it. It will take time, you have to do what is best for you. They must understand that you are taking control of your weight problem... Try to give them stuff to read, and I wish you the best of luck... Kristin Gallagher , Pittsburgh Pa