13 years postoperative

Hi everyone it has been 13 years since my surgery and feel like a failure.  I weigh 216 the lowest weight was 180.  At 180 the first time in my life I started to feel like a normal person people were beginning to notice me open doors for it was just different.  Then my world started falling apart my grandson got moved to Pennslyvania in April 2006 then in Oct my younger son got in trouble in Ok then the next month our oldest son went missing it has been 8 years and he is still gone.  Every sense that day I seem to be just existing.  Then out of the blue on our missing sons birthday June 21 my husband started feeling sick to his stomach and dizzy but wouldn't go to the hospital the next day he just didn't feel good so payed around all day the next day he had me rush him to the hospital we eventually found out 5 of his main arteries were 75 to 80 % blocked he ended up having 5 way bypass July 30th.  The surgeon damaged the nerve that controls the diaphragm so his left lung isn't working and he got a pinched nerve in his neck now he is in pain all the time.  It has made me wake up that I don't want to be like that or worse so I better start exercising and eating better.  I use to go to the YMCA and do water aerobics and go to a support group but I just can't seem to get my lazy butt to move so I thought a about this place were I would come to get advice and realized it was just my anniversary 13 years. We'll thanks for listening my profile is old and I can't post on it. I will have to see about saving it or printing out then start a new one.  We'll good luck to everyone in your journey!