What You Can Do If Family And Friends Don’t Support Your WLS Decision

March 19, 2018

Deciding to undergo WLS of any kind is a very personal decision and journey. Only you have lived in your body your whole life. Not even your friends and family may know what it’s like to wake up, feel tired easily, gasp for breath walking upstairs and feel uncomfortable watching others eat whatever they want with no weight gain consequences. Keep this in mind when your family and friends don't support your WLS decision since they may not have the same experience of living with obesity as you have.

When Family And Friends Don't Support Your WLS Decision

Usually, it starts with trying to lose weight by diet, exercise or other means. Family and friends may notice your efforts and may encourage them because these methods are more traditional ways of weight loss management and lifestyle change. They are also more socially acceptable and “understandable” ways of trying to lose weight. Also, these are less stigmatized ways of achieving weight loss.

What your family and friends may not recognize is that these methods don’t work for everyone. Weight is affected by multiple factors, not just diet and exercise. Metabolism, age, stress, family history, medical issues and other issues may influence weight and make it difficult for some people to lose weight through “typical means.” If you have gotten to the point whereby you’ve tried different methods to lose weight and you are considering WLS because these methods haven’t worked, consider the ways listed below to deal with family and friends who do not support your decision.

1. Begin a conversation First, you have to ideally have a face-to-face conversation with these family and friends. Try to understand their hesitation about you moving forward with WLS. After they are made aware of your decision, if you find they do not agree with or support your decision, ask them for their reasons. Do they think you are jumping into WLS surgery without pursuing other options? Do they not fully understand what is motivating you to do this? Tell them what you’ve tried to do for weight loss and whether it worked for you. Explain that you are motivated to achieve your own WLS success because you may think that it will assist you in meeting your health goals. Hear these people out, because you likely consider them close and value their opinions, in general.

2. Clarify misconceptions Make your family and friends aware that WLS is not easy. It will not work on its own. It is not an easy way out. Could it be they are afraid for you and they see WLS as a stigmatized, unacceptable choice? Maybe they are just concerned about the unknown outcomes. You can explain to them that WLS is not magical; it is a tool to help you meet your weight and health goals. You can assure them it will take lots of work on your part to maintain your goals and that what you’ve tried has not worked for you.

3. Provide useful information Perhaps your family and friends are scared because they do not understand the details about WLS. They may overestimate the likelihood of the risks and underestimate how helpful WLS can be as a way to boost weight loss efforts and improve health. Provide pamphlets, reliable information found on the internet (the American Society of Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery (ASMBS) and ObesityHelp.com), and stories of patients who have successfully met their goals as a way to help your family and friends understand the relative safety of these procedures.

4. Bring them to an appointment If they have unanswered questions and you think it would help your stress level for their questions to be answered by your bariatric team, consider bringing a family member or friend to one of your appointments. If their questions are answered, how would that help you? If their support is ultimately very important to you and it would help you to have their support so you can feel comfortable with your WLS decision, consider this option as a way to enhance their understanding of the procedure, the changes to be made to the body, the behavioral changes you’d need to make and adopt long-term, and the possible risks/benefits of the WLS procedure.

5. Remember that you are the one in charge of your health As much as the opinion of your family and friends may matter to you, ultimately you have to be comfortable with your decision. Along those lines, you have to be proactive when you visit your bariatric provider to obtain clarity. WLS has many details and it is important for you to not be shy and to ask as many questions as you have. It is your right to know what the surgery entails, what you can expect after surgery, and important information about nutrition and vitamins, for example. You are the one who lives in your body and you lead the charge. Plus, if your family and friends are going to be supportive, they have to know what to do to help and support you.

6. Make a plan to stick to your goals It will surely be challenging when your family and friends are eating their usual food nearby and you have to stick to your bariatric diet. It may be difficult if they make comments about how you eat such a small amount, that your food looks unappealing or whatever else they may say, which may indirectly make you feel regretful of your WLS decision. Remember for whom you are doing this. Remember that the surgery will only work if you are willing to work with it. You can explain to your family and friends that you have to be very focused on following the bariatric recommendations and what they can do to be helpful is support your efforts. Make your needs known. In the same vein, you may need to help them help you, so…

7. Explain what you need Perhaps your family and friends do not know where to start. Aside from realizing that their comments may not help you, they may not know what is helpful. Educate your family and friends about the bariatric diet, how it functions, what foods you can eat and which may make you intolerant, portion sizes, the importance of protein, water, vitamins, and exercise. Family and friends may want to help you but not know where to start. By providing them with the education, this can help them support you, if they are willing. If they are not, or if they cannot support you as you need…

8. Find other support After educating your family and friends about your new needs post-WLS, you can assess if they understand and if you think they can be the nonjudgmental support you need and want. If not, and if you feel they still either don’t understand or approve of your decision to get WLS, it may be better to spend your emotional energy seeking out other means of support. For instance, your bariatric clinic may be the place to start. You will be working with an interdisciplinary team of professionals who are trained to help you with concerns that arise related to your WLS. Other people find support through groups or other online forums or chats.

At the end of the day, you will have to make sure that you feel supported through this major life change and that you can lean on others without fear of judgment.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Randi Dublin is the founder of Westchester Health Psychology, P.C. a private psychology practice specializing in the intersection of mental and physical health. She provides psychotherapy for adults who are looking to make health behavior changes and manage stress. Read more articles from Dr. Dublin!

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