The Unexpected Emotional and Social Effects After Successful Weight Loss

January 27, 2025

Contrary to the hoped-for “all will be well” experience following successful weight loss, some people are visited by un-hoped-for and unexpected unpleasant emotions and experiences after finally losing the weight they believed to be the greatest source of their misery.

Granted, carrying excessive, uncomfortable weight brings with it physiological misery. Difficulties with mobility, chronic weight-related pain in joints, lack of breath, and co-morbid diseases exemplify the definition of misery! Emotional and social miseries associated with weight include rejection by friends, family members, and society; unjustified failure to be promoted at work; being bullied on the playground; and referring to oneself in unkind, unflattering terms.

Emotional And Social Effects After Successful Weight Loss

When that misery-inducing weight is finally, gratefully, joyfully lost, the last thing most people expect is misery in a modified form! Yet, that miserable misery can indeed surface, sometimes in a "similar but different” way. 

Take being rejected, for example. Most people who have been affected by obesity know the pain of being rejected. Society, in general, does not embrace, celebrate, or cater to plus-size people. To be “rejected” after weight loss is not on the radar for most people who shed troublesome pounds.

Tasha's Experience

Tasha said she was “mortified” when her “former best friend,” Liza, rejected her because Tasha was no longer interested in frequenting their favorite restaurants. Tasha came to understand that her relationship with Liza had been based on their mutual love of food. In addition to feeling rejected, Tasha experienced emotional pain related to the loss of her friend. She also felt angry and sad about no longer having Liza to dine, chat, and laugh with. She grieved over the loss of the relationship and the rejection she experienced.

Rodney's Experience

Rodney was taken off guard by the fear he experienced after losing weight, particularly when in large groups of people. “When I was heavier,” he said, “people didn’t approach me, and it was easy for me to stay to myself, to be hidden.” After losing weight, he said more people approach him at work functions, sporting events, and even at large family gatherings. “I didn’t anticipate feeling uncertain, awkward, and fearful around people when I thought about losing weight.” Rodney isn’t alone in this experience.

Mia's Experience

Mia shared with a support group that she often experienced anxiety after losing weight. “I didn’t foresee that,” she said. She explained that being overweight for so many years, she was used to people looking at her critically and quickly looking away from her or not noticing her at all. She was not a stranger to children pointing and laughing at her and was miserably familiar with the way co-workers busied themselves on their phones or ducked into offices when she walked their way in the halls at work. After losing weight, it unnerved Mia, and she felt anxious when people smiled at her, said hello, or made friendly eye contact with her. Although she was inwardly pleased with the more polite and welcoming acknowledgement from others, Mia said, while blushing a deep pink, it was going to “take some getting used to.”

Marty's Experience

Marty commented on the surprising fact that he and several others in the medical weight loss therapy group found themselves irritable much of the time during the first weeks of their nutritional changes. Others in the group talked about their confusion related to feeling sad, lacking enthusiasm, and having a general feeling of disinterest in friends and activities.

The Group's View

After much discussion, most of the group members agreed these unpleasant emotions surfaced when they went to the pantry or refrigerator seeking foods that were high in sugar or loaded with salt and oil. Some said they experienced the “loss” of favorite foods in the emotional experience of anger or irritation. Others said they felt “sad” or “lost” when the foods they had previously turned to for “emotional support” were no longer available to them. Others noted their disinterest in spending time socializing with family or friends was largely related to avoiding tempting foods, whether it was at a bowling alley, a movie theater, or gathering for a cup of coffee at the local beanery. Others who had been in the group for weeks and months longer assured those experiencing the unsuspected emotions of successful weight loss that their emotions would “level out” and would do so more quickly the more they talked about their feelings.

The group members promised to be there for them when they needed a listening ear and offered numerous suggestions for how to process their feelings and deal with their emotions using healthier coping skills.

One of the most surprising emotions Tamera experienced was the anger she felt toward herself as she lost more and more weight. She said she struggled to forgive herself for “having waited so long” to put effort into losing weight. She was angry with herself for “wasting so much time with food rather than with people.” She grieved for experiences she passed up due to her weight, was anguished over not having had the confidence to date people who had asked, and regretted not attending proms and homecoming dances throughout high school and college. She was also angry with her parents for providing her with “all the junk food I wanted” throughout her childhood. She was upset they hadn’t provided healthier foods in the home and rarely cooked meals but drove through fast-food places or ordered food in from restaurants. She sought help from a professional counselor to help her work through her self-loathing. In time, she was able to forgive her and her parents and began engaging in activities that excited her.

Be Wise By Being Aware

It is wise to look forward to feeling better, both physically and emotionally, following successful weight loss. It is equally wise to be aware that there may be unforeseen emotions throughout the weight loss process and at various times after your weight has stabilized. Your feelings are sources of information. They often tell us what we need, so learn to listen to them! Invite all of them to surface, spend some time with them, and if need be, seek help to better understand them and to work through them in healthy ways. Most of all, be grateful to yourself for the effort you put into creating a healthy physical and emotional life for yourself—for the rest of your life! 

Connie Stapleton, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and creator of BariAfercare, a comprehensive online weight loss maintenance program. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Connie Stapleton, PhD is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker and creator of BariAfercare, a comprehensive online weight loss maintenance program. Dr. Stapleton is the author of three books, is a national and international speaker, and appears as the bariatric psychologist on three national television programs.  Read more articles by Connie Stapleton!

---