Stretchmarks and Our Society
December 18, 2015You know what sucks? Stretchmarks! I am not talking about the actual marks on our bodies, but the whole "what society thinks" about them.
It's sad that it has taken this long for people to start speaking up and spread the cold hard truth about living with stretchmarks. I am one of them. My first pregnancy is the first time I had stretchmarks. For the past eight years, stretchmarks have been a part of my body. I have fought with them, tried to cover them up and hated them for years! That is because I didn’t love and accept them as a part of me. I viewed them the way society does as nasty dark growing parts of my skin, and if they weren't taken care of, I would never be beautiful, accepted and loved again.
From Societal Shame, I Was Ugly
I was not raised to judge others or think of them differently because of their body types. My mom taught me that everyone is equal on the inside, despite their appearance. I grew to believe that, I never looked at anyone as fat or skinny, or a different race. They were what they were, nothing behind it. Society always shamed those with flaws and anyone over a size 6. Once I gained my marks is when I noticed the thousands of ads for creams, lotions, and even surgical procedures to rid of stretchmarks. I found out by personal experience that stretchmarks were ugly, society was right, therefore I felt I was ugly.
I was never going to wear tube tops, crop tops, bikinis, tight clothing, ever again. Our society norms didn't want to see flaws such as stretchmarks so wearing those types of clothes were out of the question. When I had my WLS, even at my smallest, my stretchmarks were never going to go away, but I still did not accept them. I didn’t start accepting them until these past couple of years. By the time I had my second child, I hated my stretchmarks so much that I let them define who I was.
I would hide myself in dark baggy clothing because I had stretchmarks, therefore I was bound to ugliness and ridicule the rest of my life. My obsession with my stretchmarks led me to misery and it almost cost me my marriage because I constantly whined and complained about them.
My husband was a trooper, he NEVER made me feel the way I felt. He was always so kind and gentle, patient and thoughtful. He tried his best to get me to see myself as he does. But because I wasn’t accepted by society due to not meeting their appearance standards, I ignored my husband and pushed him away.
The Light Came On For Me
It was until one night, a light came on, and my relationship with my stretchmarks changed. My husband was working swing shift, my kids were in bed and asleep, and I had free time on my hands. I don't know what it was that night but I decided to put on makeup and do my hair. I kept it simple, but I looked alive and felt amazing. I had done this before but I was so convinced that I was ugly that I would immediately wash off the make-up and throw my hair back in a messy bun. I would dismiss any thoughts that I could possibly look and feel good for a nano-second.
Things were different for me from that point. I woke up the next morning, singing and feeling happier. That day, I walked around in sweat pants and a sports bra which revealed many of my stretchmarks. Much to my surprise, no one treated me differently. Not ever seeing my stretchmarks before, my daughter asked me what they were. Instead of turning around and hiding, I lovingly shared with her that they are from her growing inside my belly.
That’s when I realized that there was a beautiful meaning behind my stretchmarks. Since that time, I look at them as my tiger stripes because I am a fierce, wild child, and consider them my victory stripes from having two healthy children grow inside of me. They are a symbol of my strength during labor and delivery, they are proof that I ate well so my children could get the nutrients they needed during pregnancy and breastfeeding.
Because I view my stretchmarks as a part of me, I am happier and much more content. I feel beautiful when I get all fancied up or lounge around in my pj’s all day. I will be 100% honest, I have down days and think negatively about my stretchmarks, but I end up reminding myself, “is worrying about my body worth stressing over and ruining my day!” No, it’s not. It is what it is. There is always room for improvement, but no room for self-image negativity.
Confidence in Who You Are
It’s AMAZING that people have taken a stand and turned around the whole negative self-image issue. Accepting your body for what it is, loving yourself, not caring what others think is so important. I love seeing plus size women posing in magazines and becoming the examples for self-acceptance. Because of women like Tess Holliday, Joby Bach, Ashley Graham (just to name a few models), and even a few plus size ladies I know personally, I have grown more confident and less worried about other people’s opinions.
I do photography on the side and am pretty good with photo shopping, and even models get photo shopped. They are not as perfect as they look. No matter how skinny or plump a model is, there is always photo shopping done to some degree. It’s the sneaky way for society to tell you it’s okay to be plus size, but you still have to look this way to be beautiful and accepted.
I call B.S.!! So if you're a "long time" stretchmark subscriber like me, keep in mind that it's okay to feel upset about your stretchmarks from time to time. It is NOT okay to dwell on them and let them control you. It’s a struggle to accept them, trust me I know. You're not alone in the whole accepting yourself game. But together, we can lift each other up and remind each other that we are in this together, we all have flaws and it's okay to embrace them. I can't wait for the day where I have enough confidence to not flip out if my shirt rolls up in public, or my tankini isn't long enough. It’s a long awaited day that is coming soon, it takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to fully understand and show off my "confidence".
Accept and Embrace the Journey
It won't happen overnight. Self-acceptance is one of those things that if you want it bad enough, then...
WORK for it,
FIGHT for it
and EMBRACE the journey!
WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER OUR SHAPE, SIZE, WEIGHT, HEIGHT, AMOUNT OF STRETCHMARKS, RACE, and the list goes on!! Do not let society or anyone tell you what is beautiful and accepted. You were created the way you are for a purpose, you are not any less important or special because you have a few more/less flaws then those photo shopped images.
Be who you are and LOVE Yourself!
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Ashleigh Gleeson had Lap-Band weight loss surgery in September 2009. She lost 100 pounds but shares it has been a journey of yo-yo'ing due to the inconsistency of band adjustments. Ashleigh is a full-time college student, graduating in the Spring of 2016, a mother of two children, the wife of a mechanic, and a photographer. From Ashleigh’s experience with her surgery, her passion is to support others in every aspect she can.Read more articles by Ashleigh! |
