Stop Before You Eat, What Are You Really Hungry For?
September 26, 2018Stop Before You Eat! Take time to listen to your "hunger"...
What are you really hungry for?
Good question, I am eating right now as I am writing this article and asking myself this question. The answer for me at the moment is true hunger. The focus of this article is to understand the power of food, why we eat? Is it our brain’s telling our bodies to take care of a physical need or is it a need to self-medicate through compulsive overeating? Do we always eat because we are hungry? As an 8-year post op patient, I am clear that that is not necessarily true. At times in my life, I would eat to not feel. I would always eat past the point of where it truly hurt as I ate way too much. Who would do that? Someone who compulsively eats to push down those thoughts and feelings that we are unwilling to feel.
The problem is that pesky shame cycle comes up one more time after that initial feeling of the dopamine hit, that feeling of ahhhh this tastes so good, than the other side of the cycle is, why did I just eat that much. I am embarrassed and full of shame. Didn’t I say I was going to start my diet today? Oh well, I guess it will have to be tomorrow.
As with any addiction, although we think we are eating, or drinking to satisfy a bodily need, we could be actually be eating to not feel. You may think I am talking about depression or anxiety, however, those feelings could be even excitement or comfort.
Ask Yourself: What are You Really Hungry For?
As you stop before you eat and you begin to understand why you eat, what triggers that thought in your mind to eat an extra large pizza all by yourself. Unless you are a tremendously large man, most anyone else would not need that much food for his or her nutritional needs. It often comes down to the need to prove to yourself that you are unworthy, and you continue to remain so, because of the current addictive behavior.
The interesting thing about eating is that it truly is something you must do in order to live. I don’t have to drink alcohol, or gamble or take drugs, however, I must figure out a way to eat a well-balanced diet to maintain a healthy weight and a healthy body. That is the tricky thing about food. As a mother, I was careful not to use food as a reward to my children, as an overweight mom I realized that if I use food as a reward their minds would become conditioned to eating because they deserved it and eventually this could create an overweight child. At least for my children, I am happy to say that they were offered a well-balanced diet because feeding them the healthy options was for their needs, not their wants, and certainly not for my needs or my wants. All three of them maintain a healthy weight, and they often tell me I taught them to eat well, as healthy food options were how they ate as children.
Another addiction of its own is sugar. When your body craves sugar it is difficult to break that cycle. In my own experience if I stopped eating sugar for three days it usually broke the cycle, however, in the meantime, those three days are some of the most difficult days to make it through. It is amazing how many feelings pop up when we are not self-medicating with sugar. The leftover grief that was pushed aside, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, any number of feelings.
Recognizing Normal vs Disordered Eating
Truly when you can get in touch with the thoughts in your mind that trigger your compulsive eating, and you use a healthier option such as going for a walk, listening to music, exercising or any other coping skill, you can finally understand and process through those feelings, even if they are from childhood trauma that you didn’t even realize was still affecting you.
Now don’t get me wrong hunger is also an absolutely normal bodily need. Eating for the right reasons doesn’t tap into the shame cycle. In fact, you could feel good after you eat your meal. Imagine that, food not controlling your life, whether you eat too much or eat too little.
As I grew up, my mother was very tiny 85 lbs. on average. She was definitely underweight. That’s what I learned was normal, even though she was tiny, her reward was always food. Believe it or not, she kept in her car trunk mass quantities of sugar. Her thought process was that to get to the sugar she had to walk to her car, and that would take care of the calories she was going to ingest. Also, she was bulimic, as was one of my sisters, they would eat the food and then purge the food. Again even with the purging that pesky shame cycle is there.
It is interesting that in a family system, that one member could internalize their feelings and be bulimic, another person can be an emotional eater, and another can control their food so carefully that they are a normal weight. Emotional eating manifests in many ways.
Stop Before You Eat in Order to Make Better Choices
Cultural celebrations always seem to be around food. It’s a way of connecting with families, and it also an excuse to overeat or drink. Many of my client’s struggles are with spending time with their family and not overeating. If you don’t eat what they are eating, you stand out and the family begins to offer you the unhealthy options that they are eating. Think about it, if you are eating differently, they may have to process their own feelings, such as what does this mean about my eating habits if my family member is choosing something different. Am I overweight? Should I eat differently? Thus instead they offer you, almost pressure you to be a part of the unhealthy family system.
As you begin to stop before you eat and understand why you ate you can make better choices, it’s really up to you. Gaining the insight of why you eat puts you in the driver’s seat of your health and possibly your happiness.
If you learn this new way of eating and you choose to continue to eat unhealthy, just notice that, in a non-judgmental way, so that you don’t trigger the shame cycle, just become aware of your emotions that trigger the desire for food in that moment.
I don’t pretend to think that this is an easy process, however, incite to why you eat is doable if you want to keep your weight in a good range for your body type. As someone who has managed to accomplish this for 8 ½ years, I know if I can do it, you can do it.
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Carol Adkisson is an author, speaker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She is the owner of a private practice, founder and CEO of a non-profit group, The Trauma and Healing Foundation. Carol specializes in anxiety, depression, trauma, couples therapy, ADHD, substance issues, weight loss & bariatric surgery, and 12 step recovery. Join her Facebook group Emotional/Mental Support for Bariatric Patients!Read more articles by Carol! |
