Self-Acceptance: My Truth
October 9, 2015When you look in the mirror do you like what you see? Is there anything you want to change? Do you love your hair but HATE your butt?? What is the dialogue when it’s YOUR face staring back at you? Do you have self-acceptance?
For a very long time I struggled with looking at myself in the mirror. It took a whole lot of self revelation to look at myself with respect and admiration. It was a strained, confusing relationship for years, but maybe more so in the last five years, which is why I'm sharing in this article.
Inside and out
It was confusing time, because I felt torn about loving myself or feeling like I SHOULD hate myself. I thought I was pretty. I liked my smile and some other things about my outer appearance but, more importantly, I truly liked who I was on the inside.
I felt like I really cared about people, worked hard at my job, loved my family and friends, was somewhat environmentally conscience and was, in general, a pretty well rounded individual. I couldn’t figure out why I loved myself so much, but couldn’t just be happy with being a 250 pound, 30 year old woman. If I really loved myself, wouldn’t I just be happy with how my body looked? Since I didn’t like my body, shouldn’t I in turn, not like me?
Low self-esteem?
I had someone tell me once that I had low self-esteem. I remember thinking "no I don’t, I’m awesome." Their reasoning was that I couldn’t just be happy with my weight and accept it, and I was going to have VSG surgery to change it. I thought "Well, I guess that's true, so I MUST have low self-esteem." I couldn’t be happy that I weighed 250 pounds, I couldn’t accept that I wasn't able to do all the things physically that I wanted to, I couldn’t accept that my health was failing because of my obesity and that my knees and back hurt all the time.
I was ALWAYS trying to change, BUT did that really mean I had low self esteem? Did it mean I had to HATE myself as I was or learn to LOVE being 250 pounds? Did that mean that I couldn’t just love me as I am? This began a year long internal conversation about whether I truly accepted myself or if I was just a big girl faking self-confidence. If you know anything about me, it's that in my 30’s, and I strive to live a truly authentic life, so the idea that I was faking confidence didn’t sit well with me.
Love yourself!
After a lot of self evaluation, this is what I have come up with: You can love yourself and still not love where you are at in life, and that's OK! Whether it is your weight, your job, or your path in life, you can accept yourself exactly as you are, and STILL want to change. It’s called self-improvement.
We should always be striving to be better and DO better. Many people believe self-acceptance and self-love is staying exactly as you are and being happy in that form, whatever that form comes in...I don't. To me, that translates into feeling as though I'm settling. I stopped settling for anything "less than amazing" a long time ago.
I believe that self-acceptance is working to become the best version of yourself that you can be while loving yourself throughout that process. I’ve never been one to stand by or to be content with being mediocre. I want my life to be spectacular. I want to work hard and earn everything I have. I want to fight for every wonderful thing life has to offer, whether that's the body that I’ve worked so hard for, the wonderful people in my life or the career that I’m in. I love my job, but I want to run my department. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy where I'm at currently, it just means I’m going to continue to work to get to the next level.
I'm More Than!
The fact is I am MORE THAN my number; BMI, weight, age, body fat percentage, pants size, whatever. I am Pam, I am a mom, a friend, a fiance, a teammate, a co-worker. I am kind and funny. I work hard and care for others and truly want to make this world a beautiful place. Those are the things that define who I am, and none of those things stem from the number on the scale or my BMI. I love myself because THAT IS who I am.
I will always work on my health, but I won't let people make me feel bad about myself anymore, because I want more, and I refuse to just “accept” where I am in this life. I won't talk bad about myself, because I don't feel BAD about myself. I’m done letting others MAKE me feel bad about myself.
My favorite quote is from Rhonda Rousey, “Since when is self-depreciation being humble”? It’s not. Its ok not to be happy with your weight but watch how you are talking to yourself. Pay attention to how you are allowing others to talk to you, and make sure that your self dialogue is always positive. Love and accept the process of change and the growth that is required to make the very best version of you.
Pam will be at the #OH2015 National Conference for a Fireside Chat: "Life Changes: Biggest Loser to VSG" where she shares her experience as a Biggest Loser contestant to the present as a successful VSG post-op.
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Pam O'Neal has spent a lifetime struggling with her weight until she had VSG surgery. She thought she had finally found the answer when she became the likable, married, mother of 2 contestant on the Biggest Loser in 2006. Pam has spent the last five years redefining who she is, finding what truly makes her happy and focusing on staying true to herself. She now indulges in every beautiful delicious thing life has to offer and happily goes back for seconds because eating the world is full of endorphins and calorie free. |
Photo credit: Marcy Kellar cc
