Managing the Heart & Head After Weight Loss Surgery
August 21, 2017I recently shared the following post on Facebook: “Weight loss surgery... it's an inside job in two ways! The surgery is done to your innards but the real changes have to come from inside your head and heart!” I thought it was quite funny, and, it’s very true. It is important to manage both your heart and the head stuff after having weight loss surgery.
Weight loss surgery is a procedure done to parts inside your abdomen. A person who has weight loss surgery has to heal from the inside, but not just in a physical sense.
Most post-ops who are more than two years out from surgery will tell you that the initial weight loss is easy compared to dealing with the “head stuff” that burdens them.
The Head Stuff Includes Things Such As:
| Body Image | Body image (sagging skin that bothers you; wrinkles that appear, not being satisfied with the amount of weight you lost, etc.) |
| Head Hunger | Head hunger – wanting to eat more than your pouch can hold; wanting to eat even if you are not physically hungry; longing for something that food can’t fill (in the above bullet you use plural “they,” in this bullet you use singular “you.” I’m thinking it should be plural because the paragraph above says “most post-ops.” I’m going to just highlight the works in the other bullet points.) |
| Sadness | Not being “happy” after losing weight, even though you thought you would be; dealing with the same problems you had before you lost weight to include family problems, marital problems, job problems, kid problems, in-law problems, money problems… LIFE! |
| Self-Esteem | Realizing your “unhappiness” may be related to not thinking, feeling and behaving like you are “good enough” because deep down inside you don’t believe you are “good enough.” Self-esteem is important. |
| Boundaries | Not knowing how to set healthy boundaries with others (and maybe not with yourself); this means learning to tell others “NO” when it comes to eating foods that are not on your bariatric food plan; it also means learning to tell yourself “NO” when it comes to the same thing |
| Food Obsession | Still being obsessed with food, weight, diets, the food network, calories, grams, etc. that keep your world view narrow and trapped in the world of food, diets, and weight |
| Lack of Motivation | Losing the motivation you started out with after surgery to exercise regularly, plan meals and attend support groups |
| Unhealthy Behaviors | Switching of unhealthy behaviors; many post-ops find themselves drinking too much, using too much pain medication, having (a lot of) sex with strangers or casual partners, spending too much money, etc. |
| Reliving the Past | Attempts to re-live “missed years,” which may present as acting like a teenager in some ways… (think clothes, sexual behavior, attitude) |
| Divorce | There is a greater than average percentage of divorces after weight loss surgery, which just might have something to do with the “head stuff” |
I’m sure you could give me some additional ideas, based on things you have witnessed or experienced that fall into the difficult “head stuff” category.
The bottom line, of course, is that the emotional and psychological aspects related to losing weight following weight loss surgery need to be addressed. This, too, takes place on the inside. No one can work through any of your issues for you. Even if others are involved in your problems (marital difficulties, work stresses, etc.) you are the only one who can change your part. And I promise, if you change how you interact with yourself and with other (as in being kinder to yourself and kinder toward others), you’ll be pleased with the results, although it may take some time and continued effort on your part.
You are the only one who can learn to:
- Build your self-esteem
- Value yourself
- Recognize that “head hunger” is not about food but is often about a hunger that can only be filled when you recognize what your emotional needs are
- Free yourself from the obsessions of diets, numbers, sizes, and food shows
- Practice healthy communication skills and boundary-setting techniques that will help with work, home, family, and marital issues
- Develop healthy self-esteem
- Maintain motivation to follow through with the healthy habits necessary to sustain a healthy weight
- Find happiness (happiness, by the way, is a fleeting emotion and not a permanent way of being); go for being contented in living fully, remembering no one else is responsible for your “happiness” and no one else can provide it for you
- Deal with your emotional and psychological “issues” directly so that you don’t do things following weight loss surgery that jeopardize your values, your relationships, and lead to other unhealthy behaviors
Get Help Working Through Issues After Bariatric Surgery
Many people are unaware of their emotional issues before having bariatric surgery. Plenty of people remain oblivious to their own issues after surgery. A smaller, but very courageous group becomes aware of their issues and make the decision to get help to work through them. In addition to finding it easier to follow through with the behaviors necessary to maintain a healthy weight, they feel better about themselves, both physically and mentally. This group of people is able to live fuller, healthier lives, enjoying all the benefits of having bariatric surgery. It takes time, courage, and a whole lot of effort, but the results are amazing! It’s an inside job, and no one can do it for you. (Pssst… you don’t have to do it alone, either.)
If you’re having trouble with any of the struggles listed under the “head stuff” category, then call a counselor (either an addictions counselor or an “LMFT,” which is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Counselors in both of these specialty areas understand the connection between food and life problems.
The surgery is definitely an inside job. Get started now on the very exciting, if not a little frightening, inside job of learning to work through emotional and psychological issues and enjoy the benefits! For life!
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Connie Stapleton, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with nearly two decades of experience in the field of bariatric medicine. Dr. Stapleton is the author of three books, is a national and international speaker, and appears as the bariatric psychologist on three national television programs. Read more articles by Connie Stapleton! |
