Manage Food at Special Occasions, Celebrations & Significant Life Stressors

May 18, 2018

How To Manage Food Choices

After weight loss surgery you may have become very confident in managing your daily eating habits and routines. At special celebrations, your normal routine is interrupted and it can be difficult to manage food choices.

The challenge comes when your routine is disrupted, such as when you are attending a holiday celebration or other social gatherings. These can be tricky because you may or may not have control over what is served, when it is served, and how other people react to your eating habits and dietary needs.

One way to help yourself navigate these settings is to create a plan for dealing with them in advance. Below are some common concerns related to social eating and special occasions, and some tips for managing life stressors.

How To Manage Food Choices

• Be conscious of your choices and remember the keyword moderation. While special occasions are not a time to deprive yourself, neither are they a time to make yourself sick.
• If possible, find out in advance what is going to be served. Then you can decide what you will eat and plan the rest of your day accordingly.
• If you are concerned about how a dish was prepared, ask for the recipe. “This looks wonderful, how did you make it?” might be a socially acceptable way to find out whether it is bariatric-friendly.
• If attending a buffet, review all of the options before you put anything on your plate. Take a small sample of the three or four dishes that look most inviting to you and skip the rest.
• Offer to bring a dish to share, and bring a bariatric-friendly option.
• If you are hosting, do not feel pressured to make a high-fat, high-calorie meal. Many folks are able to make minor adjustments to standard recipes to make them more health-conscious, and their guests will be none the wiser.
• At restaurants, do not be afraid to ask the staff to prepare the food in a specific way. Most dishes can be modified upon request, even if they do not appear that way on the menu.

How to Manage the Pressure to Eat

Pressure from other people:  There may be many reasons why others pressure you to eat: they do not want to be the only one indulging, they made this especially for you, or it is a family tradition. Remember: you do not have to eat to please others. You are not responsible for the feelings of others.

Practice refusing food politely but firmly: a simple, “No thank you” should suffice. You do not have to give a lengthy explanation of your reasons. Often, doing so will invite more pressure and invasive questioning rather than less. If a person is very insistent that you should partake, suggest a healthy alternative instead. “That pie does look delicious, but I’ll just have a piece of fruit, thank you.”

Pressure from yourself:  Sometimes the pressure to eat may come from within. It may be related to the season. For example, “The holidays only come once a year. This is my last chance to eat pumpkin roll so I’d better get all I can now.” Remember, this type of thinking is not based in reality. You can bake cookies any time, not just at Christmas. There is no rule that says you can only eat turkey and stuffing on Thanksgiving. Be aware that food companies create “seasonal” flavors and products precisely to create that feeling of limitation and demand, leading to higher sales of those products.

How to Manage Gifts of Food

On holidays and special occasions, whether happy or sad, others may buy or make bakery, candy, casseroles, or other unhealthy foods. If you know the gift-giver well and anticipate receiving the gift in advance (for example, your favorite aunt bakes you Christmas cookies every year). Consider whether you could ask them to give you something else instead.

Often, people use food to communicate and express caring for one another, so all it may take is a simple suggestion of a different way you would like to be cared about.

If you are obligated to receive a gift or are given it unexpectedly, do not confuse receiving love with eating what was made in the name of love. Express your appreciation for the time it took to prepare the food, and acknowledge the intent of the gift-giver. Then just share it with others, give it away, or throw it out in secret. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

How to Manage Food in the Workplace

Business dinners, office parties, award ceremonies and the like can be difficult to manage, especially if you wish to maintain your privacy about having had weight loss surgery. To avoid drawing attention to themselves, some patients carry a “decoy plate.” This could be an empty plate with a few crumbs and a napkin, or a small plate of appetizers that they nibble on all night. If you look like you are consuming, most folks will take no notice.

If you have to attend a sit-down meal, inquire about the menu in advance if you are able. Ask if the venue can accommodate dietary restrictions. And remember: just because a food is served to you does not mean you have to eat it, or that you have to eat all of it. Take your time eating, and make conversation. If you are questioned, a simple, polite response such as, “I’m a diabetic,” or “I’m watching my health” should be sufficient.

How to Manage Alcohol

Keep in mind that alcohol may affect you differently after weight loss surgery. Patients become intoxicated on much less alcohol than it would take before surgery.

After drinking a single glass of wine, gastric bypass patients’ alcohol levels can be greater than the legal driving limit of 0.08, and they may have different feelings of intoxication. This is because of differences in alcohol absorption due to the change in the stomach anatomy. It also takes almost twice as long to get sober.

To stay safe, always limit yourself to only one drink per occasion. To stay even safer, discretely ask for a virgin version of your favorite cocktail, sip on a glass of water with lime made out to look like an alcoholic beverage, or avoid the bar area altogether.

How to Manage Significant Life Stressors and Manage Food

While social situations are easier to plan for, unanticipated stressors easily lead to old unhealthy eating habits because you become emotionally compromised by stress. The desperation for immediate relief can override our best intentions. Remember that weight loss fixes a number of things, but it does not take stress away. Work stress, relationship stress, or financial stress exist despite achieving your best physical health. Stress is inevitable, your response is the controllable factor.

The first step in overcoming stress eating is to identify the trigger. Some may be obvious (ie: grief), but some may be so chronic that you are unaware that it’s tied to your eating (ie: job stress).

Common Triggers

Common Triggers Are:

• Job Loss
• Grief
• Financial Difficulty
• Weight Gain
• Relationship Problems
• Family Stress

Once you’ve identified short-term or long-term triggers, you are well on your way to building a healthier response.  Building a healthy response takes time, and practice especially when socially reinforced. For example, in times of grief, well-meaning friends may bring over calorie-dense comfort foods.

Food serves as a distraction and provides temporary relief.

However, eating in response to stress has significant consequences such as weight gain and negative emotions that continue the cycle of emotional eating. Stress management is a vital skill to practice and utilize as you continue to maintain a healthy weight. You likely realize you are engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, but in the moment of intense emotion, it is hard to think of alternatives. Identifying and implementing alternatives ahead of time is a sign of progress. It takes self-awareness to know what will work for you.

So what are some alternatives to eating? Be creative.

• Call or text an insightful friend
• Journal your thoughts
• Talk to a mental health care provider
• Listen to your favorite song while you go for a short walk
• Plan an hour of downtime
• Walk away from the stressor for 5 minutes
• Take 10 deep breaths
• Talk to a pet (it works!)

Just as you learned to respond to stress by eating, you can learn to respond to stress with a healthy alternative. Prioritizing your sense of well-being on a regular basis can decrease the impact that stress will have on your eating. Remember, a daily mental break allows you to come back refreshed, with a new perspective.

Be patient with yourself and recognize that you will continue to learn along the way.

Keep your goals simple, if you’ve had a setback, start today with the following:

• Make a daily food plan
• Keep to your regular meal times
• Take away tempting foods
• Make a grocery list and stick to it
• Take a 5-minute stretch break
• Learn from a setback, what can you do next time?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jennifer M. Duncan is a clinical psychologist in the Weight Management Institute at Summa Health. She provides mental health services to surgical and non-surgical weight management patients. Services include psychological evaluation, psychological testing, and supportive psychotherapy to patients with eating and weight issues. Read more articles from Dr. Duncan!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Christina Rowan is a clinical psychologist in the Weight Management Institute at Summa Health. She received her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology at The University of Akron and completed a post-doctoral fellowship in health psychology with a specialization in bariatrics at Cleveland Clinic. She provides individual and group counseling, assessment, and support services to patients struggling with weight or eating-related concerns. Read more articles from Dr. Rowan!

---