How to Handle Food, Transition, and Grief After Bariatric Surgery
May 8, 2024Wayne asked me questions about food, grief, and transition. Do you think of these three topics together? Maybe not. But ask yourself: Are you dealing with any grief that might be related to your surgery? Have you considered how grief might affect how to handle food you choose to eat and also affect how you cope with the changes that you’re going through? Whether you’re in preparation for surgery now or have already had it, food, grief, and transition typically get overlooked with so much else to think about. However, giving these some time and attention can really be insightful to your success.
I had the opportunity to speak with bariatric psychologist Dr. Connie Stapleton from Atlanta. Together, we dig into and get to the core of how grief is tied to food choices and to transitions after weight loss surgery.
Grief and the transitions you go through following your surgery are topics that few people talk about, yet these feelings, discussed or not, can affect your food choices. Why? Grief and transition are stressful for most people. Stress eating, also known as emotional eating, results from these types of feelings: grief, sadness, uncertainty, and transition.
Why Do Grief, Food, And Transition Get Ignored?
Why do grief, food, and transition get kicked to the side and ignored? Dr. Connie says that many people have waited for so long to have the surgery that they are often relieved to have it over with. The primary focus is on healing the body.
You must put forth all the time and energy it takes to get the new regimen down. This includes taking in enough fluids, eating at the correct time, focusing on getting enough grams of protein, trying to exercise, remembering to take your bariatric vitamins, etc. And you are so busy being IN the transition (focusing on your new way of life in terms of eating) that you aren’t really aware of the fact that you are transitioning. If these real feelings of grief, and perhaps sadness, or uncertainty are there, they could be an underlying issue as to whether you are successful on your journey. Successful, especially from a food, nutrition and weight standpoint.
Let’s look at this more closely. A bariatric lifestyle is a huge change from the way you were eating before surgery, and you may miss or grieve certain foods and amounts of food. Think about how connected food is to emotions. Did you ever notice that ‘stressed’ is ‘desserts’ spelled backwards?
Does Everyone Experience Grief Following Surgery?
I’m getting really specific here: grief as it relates to the loss of food, or certain foods that you should no longer eat. At the same time you feel grief, you are so thrilled after surgery that you may no longer be as focused on food.
Dr. Stapleton says it’s very common to experience some degree of grief or a sense of loss related to food following bariatric surgery. “If you think about food from a relationship perspective… some people feel like they have lost a friend, a confidant, or a part of their life in which they found comfort.”
Comfort food, particularly in the US, is ubiquitous. It’s everywhere and a part of everything we do, from holidays to celebrations. Grief can be overlooked due to the fact that some people experience a tremendous emotional relief from obsessively thinking about food, which is a byproduct of the surgery itself. This emotional relief is part of the “reset” you hear about, in which the mind quits obsessively thinking about food… so it can feel like a tremendous relief. Many people may chalk up any feelings that could actually be grief over the loss of food to depression or the “transition” itself.
Smart Food Choices Can Really Make A Difference
This is where smart food choices can really make a difference. For example, did you know that highly palatable foods, typically those with quite a bit of sugar and fat, do not have the same brain benefits as foods such as nuts, avocado, berries, and fish? These later foods, as part of the MIND Diet, are loaded with natural phytonutrients and can be helpful with these feelings of grief and depression that are situational.
Is feeling grief over the loss of food a “normal” part of the transformation process following bariatric surgery? According to Dr. Stapleton, absolutely. In fact, she suggests that you actually be on the lookout for it and call it out for what it is. Then work through it and say good-bye to it as though it were a friend. This transformation process may be a happy time or a difficult time…it’s different for everyone. From the physical changes to the biological, including hormonal, emotional, social, and perhaps spiritual, there is a lot going on during this transformation journey.
Dr. Connie elaborated that you may not be aware of any emotions related to any sort of transformation (at least in a negative sense), while for others it may be immediate and for still others, it may strike you all of a sudden at a later point in the journey after the physical changes slow down. Some of you may feel the loss of food early on, as you literally miss it from day one. For others, it may be after the initial “honeymoon” period and things become a little more difficult in terms of maintaining weight and following through with healthy habits.
This Transition Stage Is Lifelong
Remember that in many ways, this transition stage is lifelong, as we are an ever-changing being as humans! As the body changes so rapidly, there is a lot of awareness about the physical self- transforming. The farther down the road a person is after surgery, the less obvious the transition may seem but it shows up in relationships, self-esteem, social life, or changes in the family system. It’s wise to recognize that many of the changes in various aspects of your life are really part of the transition after surgery.
Bariatric dietitian Dr. Susan Mitchell is host of the podcast Bariatric Surgery Success.
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Bariatric dietitian Dr. Susan Mitchell is host of the podcast Bariatric Surgery Success. Selected as one of the Best 35 Dietitian Podcasts, Bariatric Surgery Success was chosen from thousands of podcasts on the web ranked by traffic, social media followers, domain authority, and freshness. With a focus on nutrition before and after bariatric surgery, I help you eat for success while you conquer cravings, emotional eating, and weight regain. |
