How I Went From Hating Exercise to Loving It!
September 16, 2016When I was 34 years old, I weighed 502 pounds. My BMI classified me as Super Morbidly Obese. That same year, my doctor sat me down, looked me in the eyes and told me that if I continued to gain weight at the pace I had been, he feared that I would not live to see my 40th birthday.
I had spent my adult life hiding from the world because I was embarrassed by my obese body. "Proud" had never been a word that I have felt about myself. I had spent a lifetime being disappointed at who I had allowed myself to become. I was average weight in high school, a size 6 or 8. I had curves. Most of my friends were a size 2 or 4, so naturally, I thought I was fat.
That all changed once I engaged in an abusive relationship that started just before my senior year in high school. In order to survive the torment, I turned to food. I pulled away from every friend I had. My boyfriend became my world. I regret that I did not have the strength to leave sooner. Finally, after seven years, I broke free.
Food As Your Best Friend and Enemy
By that time, food had become my best friend. Food had also become my worst enemy. Thoughts of food consumed me. Eating is all I wanted to do. It was my comfort. I didn’t know how to get through any emotion without food.
By the time I left my boyfriend, I had gained 100 pounds. I figured no man would ever want to be with me and resigned myself to being alone. Six months later, my now husband walked into my life. He came to work as a consultant at the office where I was working. I was shocked when he asked me out on a date. He was kind, respectful, funny and complimentary. I was not used to that type of man. It took me a long time to trust him after all I had been through. He was extremely patient.
Even though I had found this amazing man, I still could not stop eating. It was an addiction. A habit. I went on to gain over 250 pounds. However, I also lost weight during that time. I tried every diet you can think of, including a medically supervised diet that meant eating only 500 calories per day. I lost 80 pounds on that diet very rapidly. I got terribly sick and then gained the weight back and more.
In the year 2009, I decided to go to a meeting for weight loss surgery at UMASS Memorial Hospital. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea what drove me to go to that meeting. I could say it was because I had been dating my husband for nine years and I wanted to get married, but that wasn’t it.
I could say I was scared by my doctor telling me that I may die, but no, that wasn’t it. I could name 100 things it could have been but I honestly cannot say. Maybe I was just tired of being tired all the time.
The Meeting That Transformed My Life
What I can tell you is that something about that meeting changed me. I decided at that meeting that I was going to have RNY Gastric Bypass. I went through 11 months of preparation with the hospital, nutrition, therapy, doctors, exercise, group meetings and meeting with my surgeon. I felt ready, but to be honest even the morning of surgery, I had no confidence in myself. I told my Mom that I was not going to be successful. I knew I was going to fail at this too.
I was wrong. I succeeded. I followed the nutrition exactly as my surgeon recommended. I made sure I got in the protein that was needed. I made sure I took my vitamins. I lost over 350 pounds. I complied with the food and vitamins recommended by my surgeon but I hardly exercised. I walked with my husband. I took the stairs as much as I could. I had a hard time moving around when I was over 350 pounds.
I had skin removal surgery for my excess skin, but it still hurt to exercise. However, those were all just excuses. By October 2014, I had four excess skin removal surgeries. I had no more excuses not to exercise.
Finally, Proud of Myself!
I decided to join Gold’s Gym. The gym is only five minutes from my house. My friend brought me there. She had been trying to talk me into going there for over a year. I guess I am not a person to jump into things. My friend never gave up on me. Without her, I never would have walked in. I was absolutely terrified. I felt everyone was staring at me. I still felt like the 500-pound girl that didn’t have any business stepping foot in a gym. She introduced me to a personal trainer, Abby. Abby was fit and friendly, and I was immediately intimidated. I signed up for an orientation with her which included a free personal training session. I thought in my head “you can just cancel once you get home”.
Thankfully, I kept the appointment. The session was empowering. Abby made me feel strong. I did exercises that I never even imagined my body could perform. She made me feel comfortable and almost forget that other people were working out around us. I even did 10 push-ups. (on my knees). I had not done a pushup since middle school! I felt much more confident being in the gym.
I signed up for a membership that day. I also signed up for weekly personal training sessions. I felt that after all those years of damaging my body and then working so hard to lose the weight, I deserved this. I could not wait to see what I could achieve.
I eventually also started to take group exercise classes. I refused to join a group exercise class for months. I did not think that I would be able to survive a cardio class. The only reason I ended up going to my first class was because Abby was the instructor. I felt comfortable knowing she was going to be up there leading me. I stood in the back corner of the class. I am proud to say that I did amazing. I loved every moment. I found the music, fast-paced choreography, and the instructor yelling all very motivating and exciting.
It is amazing how your mind can convince you that you cannot do something.
Working out by myself in the main gym is still intimidating to me. I hate to admit it, but I really get shy and feel like everyone is looking at me. What I have come to realize is that everyone is looking at themselves, no one is really concerned about what I am doing. I am not sure if I am ever going to be fully comfortable. However, what is important is that I don’t let being shy stop me anymore. I need to be proud that I am there working on my fitness and not care what anyone else thinks.
In February 2015, I had my final excess skin removal surgery on my legs. Unfortunately, I had a rare complication of nerve irritation which has now turned into neuropathy and dystonia (muscle disorder). This has greatly affected my life as I am in constant severe pain.
I have found that the gym provides me with mental and physical relief. I am grateful that I had started the gym prior to the surgery. I continue to work with my personal trainer. She has been amazing at customizing my workouts to accommodate my pain. I take classes and modify when I need to.
I had never worked out in a gym prior to joining Gold’s. I love the gym. I never would think that statement would be spoken by me. I wish I had started exercising earlier in my journey. If I could give any advice, that would be it. Don’t let the fear hold you back. I find the people at my gym to be so encouraging and supportive. I hope all gyms are like this. Even if you are just doing a DVD or on-demand video in your living room - DO IT! Walking on a treadmill or up and down the stairs in your house - DO IT! Every movement counts.
I feel so proud of myself every time I make the decision to exercise.
It is important to start slow, there is no reason to rush. I understand adding exercise into your life is a time commitment, but it is also a commitment to your overall health.
The absolute most surprising part of my journey to me is that I made myself proud. It makes me emotional to write that. I am proud that I made the decision to save my life and have Gastric Bypass surgery. I am proud that I have completely changed my eating habits and have maintained my 350-pound weight loss. I am proud that I joined a gym and have consistently gone as often as I am able. I am proud that I have fought through many obstacles to keep my body strong. The shape of my body and my mind has changed. My greatest wish is that I could go back and hug myself at 500 pounds and let her know to just stay strong because she was going to be so proud of herself for what she was going to accomplish.
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Tina Rambarran opted to save her life by having bariatric surgery on May 10, 2010. With Roux-en-Y (RNY) as a tool, along with extreme dedication and hard work, Tina has lost 350 pounds! Tina openly shares her insights, victories and real-life struggles to help educate people that are considering weight loss surgery that it is absolutely not “the easy way out“. Catch up with Tina (as rocktheshade) on Instagram, YouTube and Snapchat. |
