Fat Bias and Bullied Kids
September 1, 2015I was a freshman in high school, riding the bus to and from school. The thought of being on the bus made my stomach tied up in knots so much that I had to fight throwing up. As I climbed up the three steps to get on the bus, she would stand up from her seat glaring at me with the most hateful look I'd ever seen. I knew my seat on the bus because she'd already told me where I had to sit. I was too afraid to sit anyplace else. I walked all the way to the back of the bus where she was, just waiting for me. Her name was Mary and I knew she hated me because she told me every single school day. Mary and her friends never called me by my name. My name varied from "Fat Cow" accompanied by mooing, or "Fat Pig" accompanied by oinking. My experience with bullying happened years ago but I still remember it vividly. The fear and humiliation were a constant in my life back then.
Fat Bias & Bullying
There are no federal laws that guarantee equal treatment of people who are overweight or obese. Being overweight or obese is the one holdout for anti-discrimination protection. According to Rebecca Puhl, deputy director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at the University of Connecticut in Hartford, most state anti-bullying laws don’t protect overweight children.
“It is actually legal to discriminate on the basis of weight, and that sends a message that bias, unfair treatment or bullying of overweight children is tolerable.” - Dr. Puhl, a professor of human development and family studies at UConn
The C.D.C. reviewed current research and found bias among physicians, educators, family members and peer toward overweight and obese children. A study of more than 400 doctors, found that one in three listed obesity as a condition they responded negatively to, ranking it just behind drug addiction, mental illness and alcoholism. The C.D.C. also cited research showing that families often pick on overweight family members; nearly half of overweight girls report being teased about their weight by family members. If a child gets picked on and teased about their weight issues by family members, it is no wonder that most of those same children do not report being bullied.
Bullying is a serious concern. Bullying has been considered a cause in disordered eating, substance abuse, low grades, skipping/dropping out of school, self-injury and even suicide. Being an overweight child is hard enough but to add being bullied makes it a matter requiring the utmost attention of adults in the child's life.
From the Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), every seven minutes, another youth is bullied. Adults intervene in only 4% of the cases with peers intervening in a disappointing 11% of the cases. The saddest statistic of all is that in 85% of the cases the bullying continues with no intervention. I was in the 85%. I was bullied by Mary for two years in high school. I allowed it to continue because I was overweight and felt so badly about myself that I felt I deserved it.
Ways to help bullied kids
1. Reduce the opportunities. Make your child's teacher and principal aware of the situation. Bullying usually happens at school or on school property. The bully doesn't want adults to be around when the bullying occurs. Bullies like to sneak up on their victim to catch them off guard. Some of the more popular places for bullying are in the halls, bathrooms and playground. Tell your child to be with another child or, better yet, a group of kids to minimize the opportunities for the bully.
2. Control opportunities outside of school. As I can attest to, bullying on the school bus is a popular location. While the bus driver is focused on the road and bus stops, supervision is limited. Take your child to and from school (or arrange with another adult) to eliminate this bullying breeding ground.
3. Internet. The Internet is a place that bullying occurs frequently as well. Cyber-bullying is especially difficult for children. Cyber-bullying is 24/7 and done using various platforms such as emails, sending text messages, posted on the many social network sites, sending humiliating videos, photos through the creation of fake or anonymous profiles. Unlike in-person bullying, the Internet reaches many more people with the bully being able to mask their identity making them anonymous thus less accountable for their actions. Work with your child to not respond or react to cyber-bullying, and make sure to document all instances of cyber-bullying. Report cyber-bullying to your Internet Service Provider and your local law enforcement. Check with your state for anti cyber-bullying laws.
4. Not acceptable. Talk with your child about the bullying situation. Stress to them that bullying is not to be tolerated, and certainly not something they need to put up with. Be in a regular conversation with them about what occurs, and encourage your child to share their emotions. Support your child and make sure he/she is confident in your support.
5. Change the focus. To a child that is bullied, it feels overwhelming and all-encompassing in their life. Bullying usually results in lower self-esteem and self-worth. They see themselves as helpless and victimized. Counter-act this by encouraging your child to focus on their strengths. Support your child to develop their interests such learning a musical instrument, art, theater, martial arts, sports or other activity. As they develop their interests, their confidence will build as will their self-esteem.
6. Planned responses. Discuss with your child not reacting to the bully. Bullies thrive when they see an emotional response from their targeted victim. When your child gives them a reaction, the bullying tends to continue. Suggest to your child to tell the bully to stop, walk away, or ignore the bully and do nothing. Talk through the options of responses that your child feels comfortable with.
7. Make lifestyle changes. The risk of bullying increases with the child's body weight. Use the opportunity of building your child's confidence and self-esteem to include lifestyle changes. Ask them to help you plan, grocery shop, cook and prepare healthy meals. Make it a fun activity for the two of you to share. Don't focus on losing weight but feeling stronger inside and out by making lifestyle changes. As you encourage your child to develop their interests, eating healthy and being active makes them less a target for bullying but habits that will result in meaningful lifestyle changes.
Be supportive, and let your child know that you'll help them. Ask them open-ended questions (versus closed questions that they can merely give you a yes or no response). As an example, "Tell me about your favorite parts of your day" then switch it to "not so great parts" or any other open-ended questions to encourage discussion. Above all, make sure your child knows that you believe in them and that you support them.
Photo credit: starsalive cc
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Cathy Wilson, PCC, BCC, had RNY surgery in 2001 and lost 147 pounds. Cathy is a regular contributor to the OH Blog and authored the "Mind Matters" column in ObesityHelp Magazine. Cathy is a licensed pilot and loves flying. She is a member of the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery (ASMBS) and the Obesity Action Coalition (OAC).Read more articles by Cathy! |
