Family Diet Dynamics After Weight Loss Surgery
September 23, 2013Getting Your Family to Change Their Dietary Habits with You After Weight Loss Surgery
by Michael Murphy, RD
A very important component to the success of the post-surgical weight loss patient is the support of the immediate family or those who live in the same household when it comes to your eating habits. Many times I find myself acting as a counselor when a patient is before me who is having less than adequate weight loss. I always encourage spouses and children to come with the patient to an appointment and have done many support groups focusing on the roles of the loved ones in helping the patient achieve his/her goals. Here are some typical issues or comments I encounter and how I recommend dealing with them.
1. The “we” or “us” excuse. When asking a patient how his/her eating habits are going, they may say; “Well, we went on vacation last week” or “we have been stressed with work issues lately”. Who is the “we” in this excuse? It is common for a patient to lump themselves in with another person (usually the spouse) to take part of the blame of his or herself. The often undesirable truth is that the person having the surgery is solely responsible for what they put in their mouth and their exercise habits. You need to remember that no matter what anybody else is doing around you, you are still in control of your own choices.
2. The “my kids eat junk” excuse. This is especially common in those with teenagers. Since when do teens get a free pass to consume as much unhealthy foods as possible? Growing teens have large appetites and more often do not see or feel the results of these bad food choices until they are adults. However, what they eat as teens will affect their adulthood. If you are the mother trying to eat your salad and grilled chicken while your husband and 3 kids eat pizza on “pizza night”, something is wrong. Have a serious sit-down discussion with your loved ones about how their eating behaviors directly affect you. Brainstorm healthier alternatives for snacks and meals that everyone in the family will enjoy. Go to www.pinterest.com and type in healthy meals or snacks for great ideas.
3. The “my family won’t eat what I cook” excuse. This is a great one. The patient who has to cook two separate meals for the family because they won’t eat the “healthier” meal prepared by the patient. Worst of all, most patients I talk to will just do it to avoid arguments. If a family member refuses to eat what is likely a very lean and tasty meal you have just prepared, that family member better go get an apron and get to work or go hungry.
The key here is having open communication before you decide to have life-changing weight loss surgery about the changes in eating habits you will need to make. Sit down with your family and let them know what you need from them. Write down the most important changes you will need to undergo. For instance, if you are giving up soda and feel that seeing others consuming it around you may cause you to fall back into it, ask that the family keeps it out of the house.
Many family members may say that are willing to change but fall back into their old habits after a while. You have to be ready with a plan if this happens. Ask them to attend a support group or a follow-up office visit with you so they can come closer to what you experience. You cannot (or should not) let anybody else get in your way of achieving the goals that are necessary for your health, life, and happiness. It is not too late to have that talk even if you already had your surgery. The love others have for you will eventually win out and the most stubborn of family members can come around.
Michael Murphy, RD, is the bariatric dietitian for The Weight Loss Institute of Arizona in Tempe, Arizona.