Emotional Baggage: Let It Go!

March 12, 2015

We work hard to lose weight and live a healthier life. We lose pounds, have excess skin removed yet despite the physical transformation and less weight to carry around, many still let pieces of emotional baggage weigh them down. No doubt, years of living affected by obesity rack up quite a few negative experiences, people can be cruel and no matter how much we try to forget, the incidences can be burned into our memory forever.

"Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace."

– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We may never forget, but for our own mental and emotional health we need to learn to forgive...and let it go! 

Last month I was recognized by a woman who once said some really mean things to me and about me when I was in elementary school. There I stood no make-up, hair in a bun, grocery cart full of toilet paper (had free coupons that expire at the end of the month) and a couple bags of potato chips...yes, gasp.

I have a very good memory, this woman was the leader of my second grade Brownie Girl Scout Troop. During one meeting we were playing a game that required us to get into the "crab" positions, she instructed us to get in the position by doing a back bend. I was 7-years-old and weighed 125 pounds, I could not do a back bend. She promptly told me I needed to sit out of the game. Instead of sitting out, I sat down on the floor and pushed myself up into the position so that I could participate in the game. Later, after the meeting, my sister overheard her talking with other mothers about how sad it was that I was so fat.

She said "hello", and introduced herself, and reminded me I had gone to school with her daughters, then mentioned she had seen the stories in the newspaper about my appearance on The Doctors television show and how I'd become quite a celebrity. I thanked her and joked how it wasn't difficult to be a celebrity in our small community. Then I realized that despite my disheveled appearance, I cared what she thought of me now about as much as I cared when I was a child, which I didn't care at all. So what if I didn't look my best, she was complimenting me on seeing the good things I have been doing with my advocacy work, and that is what really matters.

Honestly, I don't know how I developed such confidence at such a young age.  I'm glad I did because as much I vividly remember it, what she said did not crush me, it made me realize some adults can be petty and mean, even if they don't intend to be or think they're being helpful. I also learned at a young age to not let my weight stop me from participating in life. I doubt she would even remember the incident that I remember, I'm not saying she is a bad person, just more that realization that I'm glad I never let the negative seep in too deep. I know that is easier said than done, and that many emotional scars are much deeper.

There are times when the opinion and perception of others do matter and can cause harm. I have deeper scars than being told I could not play a game. I have experienced weight stigma and bias in the workplace and in health care, two areas that greatly impacted my life. I have found that developing coping skills is essential to being able to navigate through difficult times and that with time I am able to recover from such situations even quicker.

3 Tips for Letting Go of Emotional Baggage:

1. Remember that people change - This is especially important to remember if  it is an incident that occurred in school. Kids and teens have not fully developed emotionally, and most likely their actions towards you were rooted in their own issues.
2. We can only control our own emotions - We cannot change what others say or do, we can only change our reaction. And we especially cannot change the past. At some point, we have to make peace with the past and learn to move forward with our future. We also need to learn coping skills, and recognize possible triggers and work on ways to respond to them in a healthier way.
3. Seek professional help - As I mentioned some emotional scars are from very deep wounds, and often require assistance from a professional to work through emotional trauma and learn coping skills. If financially unaffordable and therapy is a concern, check to see if your employer offers visits under an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), or see if there are any community counseling services.

Photo credit: Holly Lay cc

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sarah (aka Sarahlicious) has been an active member of ObesityHelp since 2003. Her specific areas of interests are Lipedema, Lymphedema, Obesity, and Health Insurance advocacy. Sarah writes about her life experiences at Born2lbFat. She is a member of the Board of Directors of both the Obesity Action Coalition and the Lymphedema Advocacy Group. Sarah has a Masters in Health Law. Read more articles by Sarah Bramblette!

---