You are beautiful. You are perfect…Just as You are
December 9, 2014We have become a very judgmental species. We obsess over any imperfection. Magazines with titles like “Get rid of those wrinkles” or “5 steps to the abs you want” fly off shelves. We are competitive and constantly looking at each other and thinking, “Am I bigger? More attractive? Smarter? Who is more successful?” We are rating all the time –Top 10 hits, 50 Most Beautiful People, The Best Places in the World to visit. It’s like we can’t stop. We have constructed a massive judgmental lens through which to view everything and everyone in the world…including our own bodies. There is no other species on the planet as critical, insecure and judgmental as the human race. A dog never sits in a corner and cries because he can’t meow like a cat. A tree never sulks because its trunk is much bigger than the neighboring willow. It is no surprise that most of us have issues with our body image!
Of course, some discernment in life is important. Having the ability to lovingly but honestly take a good look at yourself and see where you could improve promotes healthy change and growth. But our unrealistic and cruel approach to imperfections – and sometimes not actual imperfections, just differences – promotes poor body image and overall low self-esteem. We seem to have forgotten how to identify areas we dislike or would like to change whilst still being kind and loving.
Treat Yourself as You Do With Loved Ones
We see our thighs and consider them to be too big, and then we launch immediately into self-deprecating thoughts like, “I am so disgusting. What is wrong with me? I can never show these, these are horrifying.” We would never be so cruel to someone else…or something else. My dog got attacked last year and now has a disfigured left eye. It is true that his eye is disfigured, and I suppose it is technically not attractive anymore. But I can assure you I have never yelled at my dog for having a disfigured eye. I don’t call him ugly. I don’t make him wear a patch to hide it god-forbid anyone else notice. I love him. He is perfect. And he has a funky eye. And I love him. And he is perfect.
Your thighs may be bigger than you would like. It may be soft in places you wish it was hard and the skin may fold in ways you dislike. OK. Perhaps there are things you would like to do to change it. OK. Perhaps there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. OK. Whatever the “truth” is about your thigh, it does not change the fact that you are beautiful and you are perfect exactly as you are.
Body Image - Perfection and Change
Sometimes we struggle with this concept. “How can I be perfect as I am if I want to change?” I get that this can be confusing, and I could write for an easy 49 pages describing how we can get back to this mental space of holding the reality of both change and perfection at the same time. But, for now, let me just provide an example. For anyone who is an adoring parent, aunt, uncle or pet owner, think of your beloved child, niece, nephew or creature. When a baby is born – and only has the ability to spit, fart, cry, poop and eat – we “ooh” and “ah” at its perfection and beauty. It doesn’t have to earn our adoration. We just feel it. And then, it grows a little and changes into a toddler. The toddler learns to tie his shoe and we “ooh” and “ah” at its perfection and beauty. And then it grows and changes. And so on. We have to ability to love EVERY stage of that child’s growth and development. And then that child makes a horrible, terrible, awful mess. We feel frustration, we address the issue, and we love the child all the same.
Let love and kindness be alive always in your thoughts and actions – no matter the size of your thigh. Ease up on judgments and stop comparing. You can have an opinion about your thigh (“This thigh is softer than I would like.”), but stop attaching cruel judgments to it. This is the key to positive body image: The ability to love EVERY stage of your growth and development. Don’t wait to love your body until it reaches some ideal you have imagined or until you feel others perceive it as acceptable and beautiful. Work out. Eat in a way that supports your life and health. Set goals and change and grow. But, also – and MOST importantly – love your body and yourself at every stage.
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Angela Taylor, PhD, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She has a dedicated private practice. As a mental health professional, she provides expertise and understanding for the changes that come along after bariatric surgery. Angela is consulted regularly as a weight management and eating disorder expert. Read more articles by Angela! |
