Being Different Is Good – 12 Tips to Accept Yourself
July 27, 2015For as long as I can remember, I've felt different. Being a slightly overweight adolescent to an adult with Class III obesity made me feel even more different. It was confirmed by certain family members, acquaintances, co-workers and people that regularly glared at me. Not that I had any doubts that I was different, but it was further validated when I was taking a walk outside (to lose weight) and someone hanging out their car window, following me as I walked, oinking at me, honking and calling me a pig. The massively heavy blanket of shame I carried around 24/7 weighed exponentially more than the excess 147 pounds on my body.
I tried everything I could think of not to be different and fit in. Being different has caused me considerable stress and upset throughout my life - that is until a few years ago. I've learned to accept and embrace what makes me different. What I now know is true is being different is good. Despite messages that I learned as a child into adulthood, our differences are a good thing. The problem comes into play when we try to hide our differences or attempt to be a chameleon to fit in, that we do ourselves a big discredit. It takes a huge toll on our self-esteem and self-acceptance.
"We’re all different and that’s not a bad thing." ~ Caitlyn Jenner
This isn't an article about someone being transgender, or anything else, except what it feels like to be different. As I watched ESPN's 2015 Espys, specifically Caitlyn Jennfer's speech, I was deeply affected. What struck me was the message about being different and how painful it tends to be for many people. I thought about how each of us would dare to be different and have that be accepted by ourselves and others. Whatever the difference each of us may have, we still deserve respect. Don't we really want to be who we are without harsh judgments and intolerance from others?
As I listened to Caitlyn's speech as she talked about kids and teenagers, I thought about myself as a teenager and if I had heard her speak about being someone that is different as not a negative, shameful thing. I can't say for sure that it would have changed my life, due to the messages I got from others, classmates, and society, but I am confident that it would have sunk into my head and heart. I would have thought about it a lot and given me a glimmer of self-acceptance. The messages I heard "you have such a pretty face if only you'd lose weight", or "you're so smart, too bad you're so fat", and "if you don't lose weight, you'll never get married, have kids or get a job." Yes, I wish I'd heard about being different as a positive message, rather than a definition of being different in a negative sense. If I had, I could have countered those messages to "I have such a pretty face" and "I'm smart" and "My future is up to me, not my weight!"
Just think how many people, including children and teens, could accept themselves more without the judgments and wearing the label of "different" in a shame-ridden way. Caitlyn Jenner's speech can apply to any of us in one way or another. It is about being more accepting of ourselves and others. If you had grown up and into your adulthood, and you'd felt accepted for your differences, what would that have done for you; self-acceptance, higher self-esteem and less shame?
“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker
12 Tips to Accept Yourself
- You can accept yourself just as you are. If you want to work towards a goal, such as lose weight, that's great. Accept yourself where you are. For example, who you are is not about how much you weigh. Whatever difference you have doesn't define you.
- Value your opinion the most. Just because someone has an opinion/judgement about you doesn't mean they are right. Your opinion about yourself is what matters, someone else's doesn't. It is natural to want to be accepted and fit in, but stay true to yourself.
- Empower yourself. Don't give your power away to someone else and and accept their judgement of you.
- Comparing. Avoid comparing your inside to another person's outside. If you must, compare yourself today to yourself yesterday, last week or last year. Admire the personal growth you've made.
- Approve of yourself. Don't depend on the approval of others for your self-worth and acceptance. It is only their opinion which really has nothing to do with you.
- Everyone has a story. You have your own life story with your unique experiences, challenges and circumstances. Use your personal power to write the pages your way, not with the judgments of others. No one knows what they would do if given the same experiences and circumstances as you.
- I'm more than! Adopt the affirmation of "I'm more than (fill in the blank)." Example: I'm more than my weight, I'm more than being obese, I'm more than the opinion of (name). Say it often.
- Don't believe everything said about you. Just because someone labels you as "too quiet, too sensitive, too shy, or any other descriptions, doesn't make it true. If you give it thoughtful consideration and want to make changes to improve yourself, that is truly what matters.
- Assess your relationships. If someone, whether family or friends, treat you badly or put you down, limit your interaction with them. A healthy relationship is a mutual give/take, with understanding and acceptance. Sometimes you need to limit a relationship for your own happiness.
- Change your perspective. Rather than beat yourself up for a difference you have, flip it over. Change how you think about what makes you different from a negative to a strength. I have a friend with a difference. She uses her situation as a platform to help others with the same issues she has. She embraces her situation and rises above it. She inspires me because she doesn't allow her situation to limit her in any way. You can do the same!
- List 'em. Make a list of characteristics, differences (in a positive perspective), and other attributes that make you special and who you are. It might be difficult to make a list but keep at it. You could ask trusted people in your life to make a list and share with you. Those trusted people probably see things in you that you don't. Make your list a WIP (Work in Progress) and add to it regularly. Refer to your list often and read it out loud. Put the words "I am" in front of each of your attributes.
- Be uniquely you! We aren't cookie cutter versions of each other. How boring would that be? I learn and grow as a person from being around people that are different than me. People that want you to change to fit into what they think you should be are limiting. If we were meant to be the same as others, we would be. Stop trying to make everyone like you, or and trying to be someone you are not. Your confidence, self-acceptance and joy in life grows when you are uniquely who you are.
Pay it forward and accept others for who they are. Be tolerant and understanding of others, despite how they may be different from you. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.
Caitlyn Jenner's speech, specifically her message about being different, will stay with me a long time. I'm living my life with the understanding that being different is good, and I hope you will now too.
Share below in the Comments what makes you different thus special.
Photo credit: JD Hancock cc
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Cathy Wilson, PCC, BCC, had RNY surgery in 2001 and lost 147 pounds. Cathy is a regular contributor to the OH Blog and authored the "Mind Matters" column in ObesityHelp Magazine. Cathy is a licensed pilot and loves flying. She is a member of the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery (ASMBS) and the Obesity Action Coalition (OAC).Read more articles by Cathy! |
