6 Steps to Having Confidence After Bariatric Surgery
June 22, 2018Do you want to feel more confident after bariatric surgery? Is this an area you struggled with before your surgery? I am going to guess that the answer is yes (not that I couldn’t be wrong).
I was used to feeling invisible.
I am a post-op patient, nearly eight years ago my entire world turned upside down. Not that I am saying it wasn’t in a good way, however, it was difficult to own the new body that I had. With this new body, I felt that men noticed me much more often. I liked that, and yet I didn’t like that. Being overweight can be a shield for those of us that were afraid of relationships and the risks that are involved in being hurt.
I wanted to take the opportunity to provide you with a linear approach to creating confidence after bariatric surgery. As a mental health professional, I know that this is easier said than done. The transformation that you begin after bariatric surgery is powerful and the changes are almost happening too fast to keep up with.
There is a disorder that professionals diagnose in the eating disorder field, that is Body Dysmorphic Disorder. What does that mean? Basically, some part of us struggles with aligning our mindset with what we see in the mirror. As you begin to lose weight it can be very difficult to own the new person that you are becoming.
I hear from many clients that they are not losing fast enough, or they won’t lose enough weight so they convince themselves that they have nothing to feel confident about. However, each person’s experience after bariatric surgery is different. Some lose weight faster than others.
You can’t compare yourself to the person next to you, as you may find that comparing creates anxiety. In other words, you are creating your own anxiety by the comparisons that you make with the pace of other patient’s weight loss.
6 Steps to Have Confidence After Bariatric Surgery
Step 1: Accept each step in this process
Be kind to yourself; honor your thoughts and feelings as they come up to the surface. If you feel sad, then feel sad. If you feel anxious then that is ok too. If you are thrilled with the changes in you embrace that. Each feeling is important although many of us feel uncomfortable with emotions; this is the first most important part of this process. We can’t say we feel confident until that is a truism deep inside.
Step 2: Notice changes in your body
Begin to notice all of those changes in your body. Recognize that you are losing weight and that things are going to feel different. It’s almost as if other’s can see you now more clearly, and you are coming into focus. I believe many of us that have struggled with morbid obesity felt invisible at times when interacting with others.
As we come into focus to the people around us, that alone can be scary as weight often times was a form of protection. The changes in our body are just that, changes, not bad, not good, not perfect, not imperfect. They are just something to notice. It’s even ok to look in the mirror and affirm that you are looking better.
Step 3: Self-confidence is always a choice
As you begin to gain confidence, let me define what that really means. Per Oxford Dictionaries, self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities qualities and judgment. I imagine when you first started dreaming about losing this shield of protection that you were hoping that self-confidence would be a benefit of the surgery. What you likely didn’t know is that self-confidence was always a choice for you. Even pre-surgery it was a choice. Putting all your eggs in the basket of weight loss creating self-confidence may let you down.
Step 4: New mindset and give yourself permission
It is important to say positive things about yourself without feeling guilty. Many of my clients tell that it is wrong to say positive things about yourself because it makes for an arrogant egotistical person. I disagree with that mindset! Now, I am not saying you can’t go too far with it. I'm guessing that might be your default and results in a lack of trust in your value and worth. At this stage, I wouldn’t worry about the ego, as our negative self-beliefs (those internal negative thoughts we tell ourselves) will try and rear their ugly head much too often.
Step 5: Truly see yourself for who you are
An important step to this process is to really see yourself for who you are. Healthier, looking better, feeling better, possibilities may begin opening up, such as dating and possible mates showing interest in you. I would love to say that you now have true confidence in your value and worth as a human being. At this part in the process, you will at times truly embrace that feeling and at other times, there may be a situation that triggers your old tapes, those words that you would often say to yourself in your own mind. Messages such as "I am fat, I am ugly" may have been a part of those tapes. Only you know the words that you have told yourself in the dark recesses of your mind. It is ok that this happens sometimes.
The trick to this is to stay in this negative place for shorter periods of time. For instance, depression is often a part of obesity, and you begin to allow yourself less time and isolate, feel sad, stay away from others, etc. Each time you are triggered, you can say to yourself, "I will honor this feeling for a period of time." Eventually, the goal is the negative feelings and messages last for a brief moment and then you affirm yourself and the new place that you are in your life.
Step 6: Look ahead to accomplishing your goals and move forward in your life
Once you make it through this last stage, you will have more energy available to move forward in your life. Begin to make goals that you never dreamt were possible, and set up the steps towards those goals to become a reality. As more and more goals are completed, your self-confidence becomes engrained into the person that you have morphed into becoming.
Linear Steps to Having Confidence After Bariatric Surgery!
- Accept yourself as you are.
- Recognize that you are losing weight.
- Begin to feel moments of confidence.
- It’s ok to affirm the new you.
- Recognize your triggers and use coping skills to minimize their impact.
- Set new goals for your new life.
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Carol Adkisson is an author, speaker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She is the owner of a private practice, founder and CEO of a non-profit group, The Trauma and Healing Foundation. Carol specializes in anxiety, depression, trauma, couples therapy, ADHD, substance issues, weight loss & bariatric surgery, and 12 step recovery. Join her Facebook group Emotional/Mental Support for Bariatric Patients!Read more articles by Carol! |
