urbngoddess

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

April- 12 lbs lost (210-198)
May-  18 lbs lost (198-180)
June- 8 lbs lost  (180-172)
July-  9 lbs lost (172-163)
August- 5 lbs lost (163-158)
September- 7 lbs lost (158-151)
October- 5 lbs lost (151-146)
November- 3 lbs lost (146-143)



Currently sitting pretty at 142.5

 boredom. fatigue. heat. feeling burnt out.

ate an ENTIRE rice krispie snack from Stabucks in small pieces throughout my afternoon.

Feel crappy (physically) and guilty. NOT worth it. 

Starting a 2-3 day reboot of my system. Nothing sweet (like a popsicle or hard candy, my usual staples) until Saturday

I am hearing that I must take in more protein. I know I need at least 60 g a day but I cannot fathom how to get that in without protein drinks, which I am reticent to buy. Usually they taste so gross. Sigh. I think I may have to bite the bullet and just order from online as there aren't many places to find soy based powders in Montreal. There is a good website  that sells these powders in Canada but the shipping is $10, which I think is crazy! Whatever. I need to bust out of this plateay, I have been 161 lbs now for 2-3 weeks and it's killing me. I still feel my body changing, inches-wise, but I want to get into the 150s already! I'm so close :) I'm going to go with Genisoy products, since I really like their protein bars. I'm also goign to go with chocolate since that was my favourite flavour on Optifast.

This kind of pain is not what I signed up for.  For over 48 hours now, I have had severe cramping, bloating and other gastro-intestinal goodies (I will leave it up to you, reader, to put together the pieces on that one). I am frustrated and disheartened. Where is my excitement and euphoria? Instead I'm in too much pain to exercise, too freaked out to go to work because of bathroom urgency. I'm scared that this episode will not end.

This is not what I expected when I agreed to undergo RNY. I thought that I might have some vomiting that would quickly relieve any nausea, but persistent nausea and cramping and the "d" word were NOT on the menu. This utterly dwarfs any happy feelings I have about my 32 lb. weight loss.

I know happier days are coming. I can feel it. I had a great surgeon and overall, a great surgical experience. I suppose maybe these episodes are the result of my body adjusting to a new stomach. I just didn't think this adjustment would  affect my ENTIRE digestive tract.

Tonight, I made the mistake of eating with my head instead of listening to my new stomach. It started when I wited waaaay too long between meals, a good 4 hours. In my head I thought "gosh I am so hungry" (i wasn't really) "I need to eat more". I had bought some ready made chilli at the grocery store and ate 1/3 cup (instead of the 1/4 cup I should have had). I immediately became very full but not nauseous or anything- just full. Probably more than I'm used to, but normal. Then... I had purchased some sugar-free, lactose-free Maple Walnut ice cream and I said I would have some an hour after my chilli. Well- that hour rolled around and I was still very full but no matter- my head wanted to try that ice cream even though my stomach probably would have said "nonononono" (if it could talk). I ate about 1/3 cup of the ice cream and as I'm eating it, I'm starting to get sweaty and nauseous. Uh-oh. I know what's next. I go an lie down, praying to throw some of it up because I know that will make me feel better- but no-go. Crap.
I had to wait it out.
10-15 minutes never seemed so long. Now I feel ok but I'm exhausted from the experience. I don't think I'll throw but I can't imagine wanting to eat again until Wednesday.
I can't believe I was so clumsy. With a bypass, you can't just decide what to eat without consulting your stomach (like I did before, when I would have easily eaten 1 pint of this ice cream).
My body is different now. This is scary, what if I unintentionally hurt myself again? I am feeling very iffy about this bypass business, if I hadn't had my stomach stapled then I wouldn't be this scared right now. I know I'm ok, the new pouch is ok but goodness---I really can't ever let up.

Yup, it happened this morning. I made a small bowl with half yogourt,and half frozen yogourt and within a few seconds of getting it down I started experiencing acute nausea and sweating. It was AWFUL.
It was a reminder of how careful I have to be and how my new stomach pouch is not the same stomach that I had before...

Today is a hard day.
I don't know why I feel as if I'm having a setback, but I'm definitely weaker and in somewhat more pain than yesterday. It feels like my general pain is more severe and I am having these waves of stomach cramps.
The GP said that I should accept some baseline indigestion over the next little while and it seems like that is what I am experiencing. Today it was a little more difficult than others, that's all.
I am slowly approaching the 20 lb. mark which is INCREDIBLE considering that I only began my Optifast 3.5 weeks ago. 20 lbs in 3.5 weeks is insanity. I can't really feel the different in my clothes yet but I am only wearing stretchy pants for now anyway because of my staples.
Mostly i've been sitting on the couch watching food network. I flip from being totally nauseated by the things I see to feeling completely starving and wanting to eat things that my stomach is definitely not ready for yet. Right now Chef Anthony Sedlack is making a black olive and goatcheese tart, and I WANT SOME. but I may have to settle for some chicken broth.
In spite of some of the difficulties, I am still very pleased that I had this surgery. I know that the best is yet to come and I cannot wait to no longer be obese (!!!)

Incredible as it sounds, I made it!
I made it through the surgery, the 2 quite uncomfortable days at the hospital and now I'm on my 3rd day at my parents' house. They have been so great to me, keeping me on track with my walking and my eating/drinking. I guess that might be some good advice for people before they get their surgeries: make sure you have a supportive environment to come home to. It's been so great for me to feel safe because there is so many unexpected things happening with my body.

#1) the re-awakening of my digestive tract. Turns out anesthesia is not so kind to the lower/upper intestines. After more than 72 hours, I started to feel evidence that things were indeed moving again. While this was encouraging, I also had to experience these events inthe context of post-op discomfort.

#2) The pain of laporoscopic surgery. I cannot imagine what people must go through who had the open procedure. Laporoscopy meant 5 tiny incisions in my abdonimal cavity. It also means minimal discomfort after the surgery, but rest assured there still is some. Some of it comes from the air they use to inflate you so that they can more easily manipulate their surgical instruments. The other part comes fromt he fact that there are 5 tiny holes in your belly that were stretched out temporarily and that are now stapled up. I can only describe it as someone inserting a watermelon into your front and leaving it there. The discomfort gets better over time, so you graduate from watermelon to XL honeydew to smallish cantaloupe and... you get the idea. I still feel like there are a couple of mangoes in there but I hopeful that after 7 days this will be different

3) Swallowing, holding down and digesting food. In the hospital, my first sip was applejuice followed by some chicken broth. I have since started to consume yogourt, pudding, jello and refined oatmeal. The nutritinist who met with me explained the importance of waiting 60 seconds between each bite to let it trickle into the stomach pouch and avoid blocking it up. I have been incredibly lucky so far because I have not experienced any eating-related nausea. it's incredible to me that I have kept everything down so far. I even felt something close to hunger on 1-2 occasions.  I just want to say that I dont take this for granted- it is possible that the next thing I eat, whatever itis and for whatever reason, wont go down as well. I feel that sense of fear every time I sit down to nourish myself, with is 4-5 times a day right now.

Well it's Day 4 and i'm 15 lbs down since beginning my liquid fast 2 weeks ago. I was 210 lbs to begin wtih (BMI 38) and I'm very excited to drop some more in the next little while. I'll keep you posted!!

Surgery is tomorrow morning. I have to be at the hospital for 6am but I am booked for 8am. I am SO excited, I can hardly wait! More posting after the date.

Getting used to the liquid diet was not as tough as I thought. Day 3 was probably the hardest and since then, I think I have been more accepting of my new lifestyle. Surgery is imminent. Junk food (or any food for that matter) is NOT an option because I want to do everything I can to have a safe, complication-free surgery and staying on this optifast plan is part of that.
I cant believe how in the past week I was honestly able to turn things around. Things were bad before this, REALLY bad. I cant describe how desperate and angry and hell-bent on destruction I felt.
Now, I feel lifted and at peace. I've accepted what I have chosen to do for myself and I look forward to expereince a different kind of high than the one that happens when opening a new bad of potato chips.