Question:
How and where do I begin in sending letters to my famly??????

Well I mentioned it to my hubby last night and all I got was""I TOLD I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT""! But I need to know how and where should I start when making these letters to my sons and him and a couple of other family members? Im at a loss and along with that Im so very sentimental and Im still getting over my mom&dads death 4 yrs ago? What is the best way to begin the letters? Pam German,Linda Bohm,Vickie Linke...Any ideas? Please email me anyone and give me some advice! Everyone in my immediate family is for this surgery for me but scared to death at the same time!So any advice woul;d be greatly appreciated!Thanks in advance AMOS FAMILY! VICKI    — Vicki R. (posted on October 28, 2002)

October 27, 2002
Hi Vicki... I am 7 months post op and doing great. But prior to surgery I wrote those letters and am glad I did. It was important for me to cross t's and dot i's. Some letters I wrote but did not send and put aside. Some I did such as to my sons, my husband, my brother and my step daughter & her husband and two of my best friends. I let them know how I felt about them, how proud I was of them and to explain the importance of my doing this surgery. In my case, my health was really failing and I knew if I didn't do this I'd not be walking in 6 months and dead within 5 yrs. I let them know that I was peaceful about this decision that my house was in order and that I was very positive about the outcome. I asked for their support post op in helping me reach my goals. But mostly I let them know how much I loved them. For the ones I didn't mail, they were a letter attached to my will explaining my wishes should things not go well, division of personal things to my family/children, a letter to my ex (children's father), to my Mom (who is in a nursing home)and a couple more friends and to my employer clarifying where everything was. Content: take it from your heart and you'll know what to say. None of this was morbid on my part but practical so I'd not leave behind woulda coulda shouldas or leave precious ones to me hanging. My outcome was super and I'm now down 85#, minus 4 meds of 8, walking everywhere, super energy and down from a 34 pants/30-32 top to an 18-20 or 22 and still going. I wish you the very best.
   — AJC750

October 27, 2002
i did not leave letters as i felt that it would be very impersonal & i didnt want my kids to feel 'why couldnt she tell us this before?' i made a special trip to visit them & after dinner one nite, i gathered them together, including my son-in-law & my daughters best friend, who is just like a daughter to me. i told them first, how much i love all of them & then talked about the surgery, how much it meant to me, why i was willing to take the risk of having it, that i understood how concerned & scared they were, even tho they were extremely supportive & how i had to do this for myself & it was not a topic for discussion. i also told them how proud i was of all of them & most importantly, that if something happened to me, there was to be NO BLAME placed on anyone's head because it was MY CHOICE & i was very aware of the risks. i tell u all this because all 6 children were so appreciative that we held this family council beforehand & didnt just leave them a letter which they would have read when it would be too late to kiss, hug & say how much we all meant to each other. good luck to u & god bless u. i pray u have a safe surgery & a speedy recovery.
   — sheryl titone

October 27, 2002
Great post. I had difficulty, but did manage to write some of the letters. Finally, I got out the video camera. Then I went into a room all by myself, sat on a chair & spoke. This video was only to be distributed in the event of my death. By the way, I just posted on the message board a letter that I wrote to my auntie (a shrink), finally wrote to her. She always was against this surgery. I'm maintaining at goal and have been for months. Life is good.
   — Barbara B.

October 28, 2002
Hi Vickie...I felt it was important to write letters...especially to my daughter..I have to tell you that I cried all the way thru it, but I did it..I put them in a file on my computer..then the morning of surgery emailed my girlfriend and told her what file they were in..and if something should happen to me to please print them and give them out. I was very comfortable with doing it that way...and thank God everything for me went well. I am glad that I wrote them..
   — Holly K.

October 28, 2002
Hi Vicki... Another poster reminded me too that I also made those calls and visits. I spent a lot of time pre-op with people really special in my life in addition to the letters. I did that prior to sending or writing the letters. Many I did not even tell about the surgery as not to worry them. I guess the bottom line is for you and for them to create a wonderful bridge to memory and leave nothing unsaid. You'll do great!
   — AJC750

October 28, 2002
I did something similiar to one of the posters. Write the letters and give them to someone your trust in case of your death.this is what I did. A side note: you could die from an OB related illness and never have a chance to visit or write your loved ones. So The letters ( in my opinion) will be great.
   — Cindee A.

October 29, 2002
I wrote a letter to my children on my computer telling them why I had to have this surgery. It wasn't an "goodbye "letter, nor a "if I don't make it letter", It was a letter explaining my life, why I was so miserable being so fat and why I loved them. I told them that when I lost the weight what a wonderful life I would have. I didn't say anything to make them feel quilty(like I'm doing it for you),I didn't want them going thru life thinking it was their fault, I just told them this is what I want to do, and that I'm praying for a rich wealty life. When I came home from surgery , and after they read the letter I felt like I had told them too much... You see my kids think I'm so funny and made fun of some of the things I told them, but that's alright, But you know the best thing they told me then and still tell me now is "Mommy you've always been beautiful, you was never that fat, now you just look happy and don't complain so much. Great kids huh.....
   — Rebe W.