Question:
How do you handle a jealous situation?

I have a friend who is totally against me having WLS, but the problems is That I think shes jealous. She's overweight and I feel that she doesn't want me to have the surgery because she doesn't want to be left "big". I've known her for 15years and I don't want her to think I'm doing this to spite her. Anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this situation? I figured that just ignoring her would work. Thanks!    — Jennifer W. (posted on December 26, 2001)

December 25, 2001
I don\'t know how old you and your friend are, but there does come a time in life when you should just go ahead and do what you want to in your life. Just stop talking about it with her. Go ahead and be friends with her, but go ahead with the surgery and don\'t discuss it with her unless she brings it up. I think it\'s like having a baby. Go ahead if you want to, but don\'t talk \"baby, baby, baby\" all day long with your child-less gal friends. If your friends get jealous or petty, they should just grow up! Best of luck to you!!!
   — [Anonymous]

December 25, 2001
If she thinks you are having major surgery to spite her, boy does she think a lot of herself! ;) Seriously, though, you have to do what\'s right for you. It may not be the same thing as what is right for her. It is your life and, friend or not, you can\'t base your decision on her feelings. This is too big for that. I agree with the previous poster. Don\'t talk about it if it bothers her, but if she brings it up tell her why you made the decision you did and let that be that. If she can\'t get over it, maybe you should let that friendship lie until after the surgery. Hopefully she\'s really a friend and will find it in her heart to be supportive.
   — ctyst

December 25, 2001
First do WHATS BEST FOR YOU! Your HEALTH is more important than ANY friendship. Now once your a post op and loosing well be supportive if she comes TO YOU for information about surgery for herself. The BEST friend you can be is a GOOD EXAMPLE! She may decide to join you on the surgery choice when things go good for you. In the mean time ask her to attend a support group meeting with you. So far she has probably only HEARD of surgery, but seeing all those post ops with their before photos might sway her opinion. My best friend thought I was INSANE, HIS WORDS! for even considering it.. He now advocates surgery for his MO daughter, who is beginning to get health problems from her weight. I feel bad for her, we dated on and off for over 10 years, and she turned me down multiple times when I asked her to marry me. Surgery would improve her life SO much. Now her dad & brother both talk about me often and how well I am doing! I bumped into her the other day and said she is tired of hearing about it! Now Sharon will be getting reports on Jens progress! They are friends too. You MAY want to see your friend get surgery too, but its a individual choice thing. Time MAY fix it. I have had a couple MO friends drift away, but now at 5 months out they are calling me again:) One is considering surgery. Time helps....
   — bob-haller

December 26, 2001
I appreciate you alls help! I\'m 23 if wondering and I knew my friend since I was 8. I\'ve told her I was thinking about this WLS and now I want it done. She was very snappy when I was telling her about it. Of all people I thought she\'ll understand. I even asked her to go with me to a seminar about WLS and she flat out refused! Well I\'m going to take advice and not tell her anything else untill the day of my surgery(hopefully by summer!!). Thanks again for the help, and wish me luck! LOL!
   — Jennifer W.

December 26, 2001
I had a best friend for 15 years who basically drifted away once I had this surgery. It was always sort of like she was the pretty one and I was the smart one. Once I lost alot of weight I think she felt intimidated even though I never changed the way I acted or anything. Sometimes it\'s hard for our friends to accept that we\'re willing to take whatever steps necessary to improve our lives especially if they\'re not willing to take steps to improve theirs. When we lose drastic amounts of weight I think it forces our friends to take inventory of their own lives and situations. We don\'t mean for that to happen but it seems to be the natural order of things. The friendship I lost didn\'t die an awful death, it just sort of faded away. Maybe someday it will start to grow again, who knows? Don\'t let a pessimistic friend squelch your enthusiasm but also try to find a way to respect her opinion if at all possible. It\'s a difficult balancing act but one things for certain - you have to do what\'s right for you and no one else. Sounds to me like you\'re on your way. Good luck to you!!
   — ronascott

May 18, 2002
I used to have 2 girlfriends...or so I thought. We had a tight circle of friends..me, my hubby, W&T, and N&J. W and N (my former girlfriends - and W had the surgery the year before me) got really jealous because I have lost half of me (down to about 175 now and look at least 10 years younger than previously). W only lost about 90 pounds with her surgery, and she can't stand it because I have been pumping iron and working out and i am a lot firmer and in better shape than she is. Anyway, before i lost all this weight, i was the "safe, fat friend" and W didn't care that her husband (a physician) and I were close friends (both political junkies and puter geeks - totally innocent friendship). But after I started looking so much better, W got really insecure, and N (who is still a big girl) took W's side in accusing me and T of having an affair! My husband and I are minus 4 friends now..well, really 2, because T (W's husband) and J (N's husband) still call both me and hubby and we talk all the time..just that the girls don't know it. But things will never be normal again. I will never speak to them again, especially after they wrote a LETTER to my HUSBAND accusing me of husband stealing!! I am still madly in love/lust with my husband after 10 years together, and the thought of doing T never crossed my mind! People told me this surgery would show you who your real friends are..they sure were right. Sad, but true. But I am still glad I did it because I FEEL GREAT! No more fat girl!
   — Jeannie B.