Question:
How do you keep your loved ones from telling everyone??!!

My finacee and I were talking the other day about how things are going to go and what days he may need to take off work when I have my surgery. Well he mentioned that he had already told a few people at work about it. I was kind of shocked and upset. I told him right away that I felt that people that don't really know about the surgery or that don't understand about the surgery, really don't understand and usually think bad things of it. I just fear that if he needs time off or what not that people won't be very sympathetic or understanding and just be like "yeah his fiancee went to get the fat surgery." You all know how stupid people can be. Also when he mentioned that he told people, I had a problem with people knowing. Granted I don't know these people, it still made me feel funny. I know he is excited and happy for me, it's just that I don't even tell everyone yet. He even asked if he could tell his Dad (who I don't want him to know, atleast not yet) and I said no, and he was disapointed. After I have the surgery I may tell everyone I meet, but for right now I don't want everyone to know and I feel it is my choice of who knows and who doesn't. Should I say anything to him? How do you get people to keep their mouths shut. I have that kind of family, they all have big mouth syndrome. It's because of that I haven't even told all of them!!! I know you can all understand so please give me some advice. Thank you!    — Female C. (posted on July 13, 2002)

July 14, 2002
i understand your feelings,, i had them at first,, but not for long,, i am also not a woman, maybe that changes it to.. but i decided early on everyone "will know" i had the w.l.s. as soon as the weight begins falling off, so why hide it? and after a loss of 215#'s i weigh 210# 8 months out from an open r.n.y. i have become a poster child for w.l.s. and i mean this, i have not heard one negative comment. the people who love you and really care about you will overwhelm you with support. my family and friends kept me going.. and today the pay off has been fantastic.. the way i looked at it, everyone knew i was fat, talked about it to each other,, why not show them i did care about my health, how i felt.. what you feel now will pass, it will be replaced with a joy and satisfaction that will amaze you, "and" all those who you didn't want to know about the w.l.s. right now.. don't think of others, think of the new you and your new life with your husband to be,,great things are ahead..good luck.
   — bruce M.

July 15, 2002
Try spending some time talking with him about your feelings about all of this. My husband and I worked toegther to come up with some common language that we would use to talk about the surgery, since neither of us wanted to be public about it. We decided to say I was having surgery to correct a long-standing gastric problem. (I did have severe GERD, so this was not untrue.) We also agreed that, as I lost weight, we would say that the surgery gave me an opportunity to change my eating habits. If someone wanted details about my eating I would say that I was on a hight protein regimen and that I found it helpful to use protein supplements to keep up the protein. All of this was true -- just not the whole truth! I am almost 3 years postop so I don't hear so much about it anymore; people are used to seeing me thin now. The one eception to all of this has always been that is someone morbidly obese who would benefit from knowing about surgery asks me about it, I tell them everything. Good luck to you. hugs, Ann RNY 9/10/99 260/130
   — [Deactivated Member]

July 15, 2002
I know how you feel... even my mother, whom I swore to secrecy, finally confessed that she told two friends (and they weren't even close friends!) I was embarassed and very private about it at first, thus not wanting anyone to know, but now, almost 4 weeks post op, I no longer care. I wouldn't wear a sign around my neck announcing that I had surgery, but I don't care who knows... they were all speculating about my absence anyways. Hang in there.
   — Diane B.

July 15, 2002
I just wanted to thank all of you who replied. It just feels good to know that even if I have some trival thought that I couldn't dare ask someone else, I can come here and there is usually someone else that understands and can make me feel better. Thanks to all who have helped and answered my questions. Also thanks for not saying, even if you think they may be trival or a waste of time. :)
   — Female C.

July 15, 2002
I completely understand this. There are only certain people that need to know such a personal thing. My only advise is to explain to him why you feel the way you do. Hopefully, he will understand and respect your decision. Like the other poster, I will only tell people that would benefit from knowing. No one needs to know our business!!! Good Luck to you and God Bless!
   — Rebecca P.