Question:
How to deal with people and negative response to WLS
I find that in certain social situations and/or around certain family members,I refuse to bring up my pending WLS due to negative reaction and my inability to deal with that. Any suggestions on how to cope with this? — Heather I. (posted on May 22, 2002)
May 21, 2002
If you can't deal with any negativity, then maybe you shouldn't bring up
the subject at all. You could always wait until after you've had surgery
lost a bunch of weight and when people ask you how you did it, tell them.
They probably won't be as negative when they see it was a success. All the
naysayers who told me I was crazy before the surgery look at me now and
tell me how great I look and that I'm wasting away to nothing. I've even
had several people ask me for the name of my surgeon!!
— Patty H.
May 22, 2002
I think part of the problem here is: how much do these people matter to you
in the scope of the big picture! If they don't than why should what they
say/think matter. Also, what research have they done and do they even have
a clue what you've experienced. There was only 1 neg. comment I received
and this was from someone who's opinion in my life didn't matter. Now, she
says I look great(she didn't understand why I would risk death).; Now, for
a family member or close friend: Tell them there were times in their lives
they did things you didn't necessarily agree with but supported them anyway
and you expect no less from them!!!!We can't(and won't)please everyone all
the time. You need to take care of you in whatever way works for you!!!!
— Linda M.
May 22, 2002
Well I was worried about the negative comments as well, so I decided the
only way to insure that I would not get any is by not telling anyone! The
only people who know are my mom, my husband and my surgeon! Not even my
kids know (but they are young). I started out as a "lightweight"
and I have lost close to 90 lbs and am 10 to goal but people say I am too
thin. When people ask how I did it I just tell them I stopped eating junk
and I exercise a lot (all true). I've never been happier!
— Maureen P.
May 22, 2002
When I initially discussed this issue with my sister and my best friend,
both of whom have never weighed over 130 pounds, they were both against it,
unti li asked them if they have ever weighed 275 pounds? that shut them up
rreal quick!
— Kate D.
May 22, 2002
The problem with not telling anyone about surgery is that then this
life-saving procedure remains in the closet, un-talked-about, and people
die. I'm telling anyone who will listen. Negative reaction? Who cares
what they think?! I'm laughing all the way to the bathroom scale! I just
read a great book that addresses the problem of caring what other people
think: Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. It's a few years old, in
paperback, and cheap on amazon.com Read it. If you implement his ways to
change your viewpoint, you won't care two flying hoots what they think.
Take care!
— Nancy G.
May 22, 2002
Is there any reason why you have to bring it up at all? Your not obligated
to share your surgery with anyone.... I told just my husband, sister,
parents and a few trusted and supportive friends. The rest of those who
know are my WLS friends. As I lose weight and people notice and ask how I
have lost it, I tell them lots of protein, lo carbs, lots of water, small
meals and exercise. Its all true!
— Cindy R.
May 22, 2002
First of all I totally agree with Nancy. The more we who have had WLS
"hide in the closet" or just lie, telling people that we are on a
diet or excercising, the less educated people will be about it. When I
first really heard about anyone getting WLS, I was skeptically interested.
My wife's co-worker Sherri was getting it, was very open and honest about
it, and we took kind of the skeptic "we'll just see how she does"
approach. After seeing the almost miracle weight loss she was experiencing,
both my wife and I started looking into it and learned more and have both
now had surgery. My wife is over a year out and down 103# and I am 11 weeks
post op and down 73#. (I obviously had a lot more to loose than my wife.)
If it weren't for Sherri's honesty and openness about WLS, we probably
would have never considered it. Now I have been very open and anybody who
asks, I tell them I have had WLS and have been actually surprised at how
many positive responses I have had from people who have had a relative or
friend who had WLS and are doing great. If you don't feel like telling
people about it before time, that's fine, but when the weight starts
melting off, you will be surprized how much positive response you will get.
But please don't think you have to lie about it, that will only come back
to haunt you, because sooner or later, people will figure out you have had
WLS. Where would the WLS community be now if Carnie Wilson thought she had
to lie about it and just say she dieted and excercised.
— Dell H.
May 22, 2002
Hi Heather, your always going to run in to someone that knew someone once,
who was related to a neighbor in the middle of nowhere that had surgery 20
years ago, and either got sick or gained all the weight back or worse. I
have run into that quite often. I just tell people that obesity kills
too, and that if diets worked there wouldn't be so many obese people in the
world. From my experience, especially if it's your family or close
friends, they get negative because they are really worried. There afraid
of losing you. If you plan on bringing up this subject with others, have
some info about it handy, successes ,the pros and cons, that way when they
bring up all the negatives, you'll have evidence to back your claims for
wanting WLS. Good luck to you! :)
— Carey N.
May 24, 2002
I have the same problem. Sometimes I dont even bring it up. But I remind
myself that with the negative reactions are usually ignorance. My mom has
been fighting me tooth and nail, but I told her I take no stock in her
opinion if she refuses to do the research I have. I have told everyone I
work with that I am having it and they're actually really supportive. I
found at first, family members were like "no way, she's doing that
stomach stapling thing?" But now they are asking questions and I
think actually considering it themselves!! Also to cope, I keep telling
myself "Wait until they see me in a year!!! I'll show them!"
— emilyfink
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