Question:
Did anyone not tell anyone you were doing this
My boyfriend knows of course that i am going to do this but I am not going to tell my parents. Is this something i can hide if I don't live with them. I don't want anyone to know even people at work. I am going to take a week off from work for vacation. Will people say something about the amount of weight I loose? — Jennifer L. (posted on May 27, 2001)
May 27, 2001
I did'nt feel very good after a week, so when you go back to
work it's going to be obvious that you don't feel well.
And they will notice that you are eating different and probally
hurting alittle when you do eat. They will know something is
up. No doubt. I don't think you will be able to hide it. And
why do you want to? People I told about my surgery are
wishing me success. It's a nice feeling.
Anyway good luck to you.
— Danmark
May 27, 2001
I understand how you feel. I HAVE NOT had surgery yet. I am still in the
beginning, initial consult phase. I have decided not to tell people. I will
tell my mother and sister, but no one else. My reasons are mixed. First, I
used to be the skinny, halter top sporting, arrogant cheerleader type for
years. I KNOW how people will talk about obese people as it is. I just
don't want to be the topic of anybody's discussion on "poor, out of
control fat people". I plane to lie and say I am having some sort of
surgery-will figure that out later.
The people on this site are great and have super attitudes, yet the rest of
the world is not so kind. I'd rather they believe that i have discovered
the "magical" way of shutting my cake hole and the sudden love of
exercise. Is it the easy way out? Yes, I admit that this choice is not
brave and reeks of cowardice. I just am not strong enough to announce to
the world my choice! In fact, it's really non of their business!!
— Courtney W.
May 27, 2001
I understand how you feel. I HAVE NOT had surgery yet. I am still in the
beginning, initial consult phase. I have decided not to tell people. I will
tell my mother and sister, but no one else. My reasons are mixed. First, I
used to be the skinny, halter top sporting, arrogant cheerleader type for
years. I KNOW how people will talk about obese people as it is. I just
don't want to be the topic of anybody's discussion on "poor, out of
control fat people". I plane to lie and say I am having some sort of
surgery-will figure that out later.
The people on this site are great and have super attitudes, yet the rest of
the world is not so kind. I'd rather they believe that i have discovered
the "magical" way of shutting my cake hole and the sudden love of
exercise. Is it the easy way out? Yes, I admit that this choice is not
brave and reeks of cowardice. I just am not strong enough to announce to
the world my choice! In fact, it's really non of their business!!
— Courtney W.
May 27, 2001
I do not plan to tell anyone. My husband knows but I just do not want to
explain myself to people who will never understand anyway. We all know
that we are not taking any easy way out and it is no one's business. I
have no interest in explaining to people who THINK this is taking some easy
way out all the in's and out's of it. Yes, you will be eating less and
differently, but it is surprising how little people pay attention to that
sort of thing. For those of us that are obese, it is seen as just another
diet attempt. When we really do start losing weight and paople start
noticing, there wil be questions. I already have my answers: they
include; I am eating less. I have some health problems and it is necessary
that I do something about it now. How am I losing weight? Diet and
exercise.
I didn't get into this to be poster child for WLS. I am not ashamed that
this is what it will take for me to permanently lose the weight but neither
do I feel an obligation to proselytize for it.
If you feel bad after surgery when you return to work, there are a million
explanations, none of which have to be dishonest. If you are having your
gall bladder out at the same time, you can always say you had to have
sudden gall bladder surgery. Otherwise you can say you had to have some
surgery and if pressed, say it was personal. Or simply say you haven't
been feeling good for about about a week. You don't have to feel that you
have to share any personal details of your life...although most of us
morbidly obese people feel that if we don't offer a lot of ourselves, we
will be rejected. Sister, those days are coming to an end!
Whatever you decide, it is your decision. I believe that it IS possible to
keep it a secret if you want to. And I hope you don't feel pressured to
share any information you don't want to.
— [Anonymous]
May 27, 2001
I just had surgery a week ago believe me you will not be ready to go back
to work! I told my boss I was having my gall bladder out and my company
pays for my time out. I didn't have to use vacation time. Tell everyone
your having your gall bladder out and you lost your appetite for two or
three weeks like the results and decided to keep on with the diet.
— [Anonymous]
May 27, 2001
I wasn't planning on keeping my surgery a secret FOREVER. I was going to
keep it hush hush for as long as possible. Most definitely until I had my
insurance approval. I didn't think a whole lot of people needed to know
before that. I certainly don't want to explain myself to everyone if my
insurance doesn't cover this. My husband, parents, sisters and my 2 best
friends know. These are the people I am going to need during my recoup
time. However, my oldest sister, the one who thinks surgery to lose weight
is vain...has taken it upon herself to tell other people even after I have
told her not to. This has made me quite angry. However, I do have to say
that the people she has told have been very supportive. I just think she
spoiled it for me. I want people to say something to me when they start to
notice my weight loss - I will tell the truth to the people I want to tell
the truth to. The others will be on a NEED TO KNOW BASIS. Cross your
fingers for me, I'm still waiting for approval. Good luck on your quest to
keep yours a secret!
— Karen B.
May 27, 2001
Besides my endocrinologist, I have told only 3 people--a male MO friend
(supportive), my former psychotherapist,(unsupportive) and one co-worker
(skinny, but trying to understand). The rest of my co-workers are under the
impression that I'm having a cholecystectomy and a gastric resection for
ulcers and diverticulitis. The irony is that I'm an RN as are most of my
co-workers and that at least 2 of them are MO or close to it. They are all
hypercritical of others, and I'm usually their favorite target. What will I
tell them about the WT loss? Absolutely nothing. With any luck, I'll have a
new job before things get too noticeable.
— dantevolta
May 27, 2001
I did not tell any one till after the surgery,,,,Then I had no choice, I
had complacations, I had a embolism to the Lung, and a paralyzed vocal
cord, I was in the hospital 12 days instead if 3.....My father and mother
were very aganist the surgery, and so were my sisters, but this is my live
and my decision, I could have died from just being fat.
— Marie B.
May 27, 2001
I had surgery 1/8/01 and have kept this secret. It was more difficult early
post op. The fact that it was winter time helped. I wasn't expected to be
out and about in the cold anyway. There are only two people that know, my
husband and my mother. I only told her because I needed her help with my
children during my hospitalization and post op. She has not told my father.
My mother-in-law and best friend were worried when I disappeared for a few
days and was difficult to reach. I called everyone when I got home and told
them I was really busy and sorry that I couldn't get back to them. I think
finally hearing my voice settled them down. I do occasionally feel a little
guilty not telling my sister, but I don't trust her to not accidentally let
things slip. She can be somewhat scatterbrained. Now that I have lost 93
pounds, I am asked all of the time "how" I am losing it. I tell
them I am eating less and exercising. The neat thing is I can eat somewhat
normally. If we go out to dinner I can eat soup and salad. It seems to
divert their suspicions. I am frequently asked "how much have you
lost?" Does anyone else hate this question? I hate it for two reasons.
1. If I tell them how much, then it will somehow make them realize how big
I was.(LOL) and 2. This is really the main reason--If I tell them I have
lost 93 pounds, then it will be very difficult to convince them that I have
lost this amount by conventional methods and since I am keeping the surgery
a secret, I need them to believe this. My advise is to never give them a
number. My answer is "a lot". No one has yet to be so bold as to
follow this with a second request to know "how much". Just my
response a lone tells them that I do not want to give them an exact number.
I do have a potential problem with the secret-keeping. My hair has fallen
out to the point that I am getting bald patches. My hair has always been
thick, wavy and long. I am worried that somehow this will force me to
divulge my secret. I need to start looking into a wig. My family and
friends will be concerned as to why I am balding. I guess I can tell them
it's "hormonal". As far as going back to work, if you are having
lap surgery and a desk job, it may be possible. I had open RNY and work
very part time and I went back after a week. I think sometimes, we do what
we have to do. You'll know if you can do this when the time comes. I do
agree that you should have more leave time lined-up if needed. Shelley
— Shelley.
May 27, 2001
Both hubby and I had open RNY on the same day and only one person knows -
one of our three sons who helped us after surgery. (Other than a friend
from AMOS who I used to work with who also had this surgery a month later.)
I told my work I had my gallbladder out and they couldn't do it lap. I will
be going back to work at 6 weeks because I do get paid and wanted to be
totally recovered. No one has a right to know unless we choose to tell
them. I doubt anyone will be suspicious of our weight loss since we are on
diets all the time. We both lost down to our goal weights two years ago and
gained it back some plus more since. Who will be surprised again - except
when we keep it off! Good luck to you - it's your decision who to tell.
— Anika R.
May 27, 2001
I just told my immediate family members and I did tell one person at work.
I am a school counselor and it worked out that I had my surgery over
Christmas break so I just took 3 extra days off. I was off a total of just
over 2 weeks and that was fine for me. I was really tired when I went back
and I did come home and nap every night. I do find now that I am much more
willing to tell people. Most of my friends and family know. Once the
weight started coming off and I began to feel better I really didn't care
if people knew how I did it. When people ask me directly now and I tell
them I usually get a startled response. But I do feel it's important for
people to know about and understand that this procedure is available. In
the beginning I just didn't want to hear the negative responses. I had
researched well and I knew what I was doing I felt it was just none of
their business. But it's funny now I don't really care what they think.
— Lisa P.
May 28, 2001
I was very selective who I told in the early stages of going to the clinic
and getting approved. But once I met with the surgeon and knew that I was
getting the surgery I didnt care who knew, it got to a point that I
couldn't remember who I told and who I didn't. Fortunatly my family and
most of my friends were very supportive, my husband was too. So the way I
look at it is that I dont care who knows about my surgery, after going
through the first week post-op, this is definetly not the easy way out, but
a way to level the playing field so I can become a HEALTHY individual and
live a long and prosperous life. Which without the surgery I may not have
been able to do that!!! Be proud of yourself for being brave enough to
tackle it...
— Kim M.
May 28, 2001
I would never lie about what I am (or was) doing. I'm not ashamed or
embarassed, and don't really care if someone wants to talk about me when
I'm not there to hear it. And while I might tell people it's not something
I want to discuss, I shudder at the idea of lying or misleading people.
Pre-op I told people I needed to have some surgery done and would be out
for three weeks. If they asked what for, I told them, but almost no one
asked (they would say - is it serious? and I would tell them it was not
life threatening, but it was serious). After surgery, it depends on who is
asking the question. But generally, I say "I had surgery". Many
people have commented on the loss, but surprisingly few have asked how I
did it.
— kateseidel
May 28, 2001
I was extremely selective about who I told about my WLS. It seems like
some people automatically assume that those of us who choose not to tell
anyone (or tell only a select few) are ashamed of having surgery. I am not
ashamed of having surgery ... I just don't think it is anyone else's
business what I do with my body, how much I weigh, how I lose weight, how
much weight I have lost or any other personal matter. Casual acquantances,
who would never dream of asking such personal questions of anyone else, or
about anything else, seem to think that the morbidly obese have some kind
of moral obligation to tell all about anything to do with their weight. In
my opinion, this is just another form of discrimination against the
morbidly obese. When was the last time you heard anyone say ... "Hey
Jane ... how are those AA meetings working out for you?" or "Hey
John, is that Viagra doing the job?" or "John, Jane ... long time
no see ... guess that marriage counseling did the trick."
I don't choose to share the initimate details of any other area of my
personal life with casual acquaintances ... I don't see why this should be
any different. I am not ASHAMED that I have an initimate relationship with
my husband ... but I don't have it on the front lawn or publize the details
to casual acquaintances. It is not a matter of SHAME ... the issue is
PRIVACY and having others respect my privacy. I think it is just plain
rude for people to ask about these things. Don't get me wrong ... many
people have said very kind things (as well as polite and tactful) to me
about looking better, glowing with good health and that I must be feeling
better and I have no problem with these types of comments (as a matter of
fact, I love the attention!). Also, for those of you that choose to
"shout it from the rooftops" ... I say "BRAVO!" ... but
it is a choice and not one that everyone is comfortable with.
My one exception to my "don't ask/don't tell" policy, is that I
will tell all to any morbidly obese person who is considering surgery. The
way I see it, other MO folks have a legitimate need to know, and I am happy
to share my experiences with them. For MO folks ... no question is off
limits ... I will frankly answer any that I can and politely say "I
don't know" to those that I can't. I have had other MO folks ask me
some pretty personal questions ... but no one has ever been rude about it.
Bottom line: I think telling or not telling, like the decision to have
WLS, is a choice ... and a very personal one. I would love to see more
tolerance and less judgement on all sides of the issue.
— Lynn T.
May 28, 2001
I had breast reduction surgery done a couple of year and I when my friends
and co-workers asked what kind of surgery I said it's was personal, they
accepted that and just wished me luck, and that the same thing I will tell
them this time, as for my parents I explain to my mother that I can't live
like this anymore and after I educated her with as much information as I
could, she saw that I was serious and wasn't gonna change my mind, she
supported me but said Lets just tell you dad you're having your gallbladder
removed because he can't keep a secret like me, lol I love my mom.
— blank first name B.
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