Question:
My child is overweight also is it double standards to her?

My 11 year old daughter is about 20 pounds overweight, she has also felt the pain of her peers, she is concerned that I will be skinnier than her, we are very close; I need to reasure her that shes still o.k. but she seems confused, am I sending a wrong message here?    — [Anonymous] (posted on March 19, 2000)

March 19, 2000
It may also be that as you lose weight and change your eatig habits, the eating habits of your family may be positively affected as well. As the primary cook in my household, any dietary changes that I made trying to lose weight, everyone else in the family made with me. Heck my husband even lost more than me!
   — [Anonymous]

March 19, 2000
I think that if you ensure her that you are doing this for your health (and the fact that you want to be around to watch her grow up) instead of for vanity sake that you are sending a great message. She will undoubtly pick up some of the great new habits that are going to become part of your life and that will be a great help to giving her the gift of a healthier life. If you guys are close, she will probably want to excercise and eat healthy along with you and she will dump her extra poundage quickly. The idea is to inforce the healthy lifestyle you are trying to accomplish.
   — Mary C.

March 19, 2000
As a frequent dieter,over the years, I would advise this. On one of my endeavors, I started to walk. My second son was overweight and I ask him to join me. It was a great experience and while we walked we did a lot of talking. The experience was very positive. Tell your daughter that this will be positive for both of you. You will become healthy and live to enjoy her and she can join you and become healthier herself. Hope this helps and good luck. See ya, Sue [email protected]
   — Sue M.

March 19, 2000
How lucky your daughter is to have such a wonderful, caring mom who is concerned with her feelings and her self esteem!!! The best thing you can do for her and yourself is to be healthy. By getting your weight issues under control, you will be able to better handle your daughter's. And this surgery will put you on that track. You will also be in a much better position to understand, support and maintain healthy lifestyles with your daughter because you will be practicing what you preach. While there are other factors involved in weight gain, I believe one of them is making sure the ENTIRE family maintains healthy living, not just one particular member who is having a weight problem. While I certainly cannot blame my parents for my weight, they didn't help. I am the only one in the immediate family with a problem, despite the fact that the whole family grew up on meat, potatoes, junk and little exercise. I remember one specific incident where I asked my mother NOT buy ice cream so that I wouldn't be tempted, and her response was, "The rest of us don't need to diet". That really hurt and she was never sensitive to my weight problems as I was growing up. All members of a family need to maintain a healthy balance of good nutrition and exercise. Get your daughter "involved" in your surgery as much as possible. Tell her you will need HER support and HER help to make YOUR dream come true, and that whatever challenges she may face in the future as a result of her own weight, you will be there to face them WITH her. As a parent, there is no greater teacher than one who models the behavior they wish their children to observe. Good luck to the both of you!!!
   — Paula G.

March 19, 2000
OOPPSSSS............I reread the question, and realized you could be a wonderful, caring dad, too!! Sorry!!!
   — Paula G.

March 26, 2000
Thanks to all of you who answered this question. I asked it myself in the chat room, and everybody seemed horrified that my daughter (age 10) felt this way...no one had the answers. But of course, all of YOUR answers are correct, and some of them I've shared with my daughter. First and foremost, I am doing this for my health (my surgery is 4/12/00-wish me luck!). Secondly, 100 pounds overweight is a much different scenario than 10-15. Finally, I intend to readopt the active lifestyle I once had, and my little girl will be right next to me, I'm sure. She'll love having her "old mommy" back...the one that didn't spend most of her time in bed, and who can't run around anymore. Thanks to all of you for your thoughtfulness.
   — Victoria J.