Question:
What to tell my father?

I am 31 years old and am in the process of trying to arrange WLS. For years my dad has been on my case about losing weight. When I was pregnant and had gestational diabetes he said it was because of my size, when I couldnt get Pregnant PCOS he said it was my size, lately I have been having severe pain in my abdomen and they can't find anything wrong and once again my dad says it from my weight. It isn;t that I dont agree, but he thinks that it should be easy losing weight you just dont eat poorly. I am married with one daughter I am 5 foot 9" and weigh about 255, why should I care but I do I just dont know what to tell him about the surgery or even if I should. because of the speed of weight loss he is bound to fugure it out. Has anyone else had this problem?    — kim V. (posted on January 7, 2003)

January 7, 2003
From the way you describe it, I should think your dad will be pleased. He has been harrassing you for years to lose weight and if you have this surgery, you will. Whats the problem? Those who have never had weight problems or who are very disciplined (like my body builder husband) think that if we just ate right, or ate less or moved more, we could lose and maintain. Just be honest with your dad.
   — Cindy R.

January 7, 2003
How far from him do you live? If you are in the same town and see each other frequently, I would tell him and ask for his support throughout. If he is in a distant city and you only see him occasionally, I would have it and surprise him in about 9 months. He'd love it! Mostly, it depends upon the relationship you have with him. I haven't told my mom because she wouldn't be supportive and has always told me I would gain it all back. I can't wait to see her this summer! It will be so fun to see the look on her face.
   — Robby E.

January 7, 2003
WOW, YOU WERE THE SAME HEIGHT AND WEIGHT AS I WAS 1 MONTH AGO (WHEN I HAD THE SURGERY) AND THE FUNNY THING IS YOUR QUESTION, THATS WHY I LOOKED AT IT. MY DAD WAS NOT HAPPY AT ALL ABOUT MY DECISION. READ MY PROFILE AND THERE ARE LETTERS THAT I WROTE HIM AND HE RESPONDED TO, HOPE IT HELPS. IF YOU WANNA TALK YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT [email protected]
   — Karen W.

January 7, 2003
After you tell your dad that you want to have this surgery for YOU, sit him down in front of the computer and show him all of the wonderful Before & After photos. I did this with my son who was worried about my having surgery. He is now incredibly proud of his mom :) Good Luck - Anna LAP RNY 7/3/02 -101lbs.
   — Anna L.

January 8, 2003
Tell him. At worst, he'll say something you can anticipate. At best, he may surprise you. <br> My father was like this as well. I felt like he looked me over and was disgusted with my weight whenever he saw me. He even made comments about my daughter's weight when she was going through a pudgy stage. It made me very upset.<br> However, when I told my dad I was getting the surgery, he congratulated me for making the decision. He told me he thought that genetics had dealt me a bad card (my grandmothers and aunts on both sides were/are big ladies), and he was glad that I had decided to do something to make myself healthier. He told me that he was sure I'd researched it hard, and has been extremely supportive since then. (My mom is petrified but supportive, and my husband is extremely supportive, so I'm really lucky!)<br> Good luck. Study up, so you have answers if he says something about doing it the easy way, or seems to be sure you fail (you won't!) I hope he surprises you, though!<br> Beth
   — Beth S.