Question:
Is anyone else terrified of old habits
Hi all. I am three months pre op and very excited about my upcoming lap RNY. My friends and family all ask the question I'm sure you all heard pre op "are you scared?" I can honestly answer no Im not (well not yet at least) but what I am scared of, what literly keeps me awake at night is what if after all the pain and trouble of surgery I slip back into my old habits and gain it all back. I have never succeded at a diet and I have no will power, that has been proven. Just the fact that I am obese enough to need this surgery should prove that I am totaly out of control of my eating habits. And to tell me that I am to stick to what seems to be a pretty strickt eating plan (I am choosing not to call it a diet) for the rest of my life scares me . I have no confidence in my ability. I do not trust myself. Please dont get me wrong I want to succed. But I have a huge fear of failure. does anyone else and how did you conquer it?Thank you all so much! Your always hear when I need you — Lindsay F. (posted on March 5, 2003)
March 5, 2003
Great question - and very thought provoking. I'm also pre op and have the
same fears. I'm working on a 10% weight loss that is required before my
surgery. I have this very heightened awareness of my eating and am
becoming more and more aware of my problems. I too worry that surgery
won't help them all go away. In reading people's profiles online, I've
gotten a lot of hope. What has been important is that I see that it's not
easy for everyone, and there are struggles. With this mindset, I think I'm
setting up realistic expectations. I think the awareness that you are
building now will help your sucess later on. Hugs - hope all goes well.
— w8free
March 5, 2003
It's good that you are thinking that way now and not setting yourself up
for unrealistic expectations. In alot of cases, mine included, my taste
buds are exactly the same as they were pre-op. My head still tells me how
much I like the bad stuff. My nose still smells the cake baking and my
senses still react in the same way of my old body. It's a struggle daily,
but I think the idea of having the surgery and the limited food capacity of
my stomach all help to keep everything in check. I have to really monitor
what I eat, not so much as how much I eat. I can only physically eat so
much, but the what is the important part. Hold off from carbs as long as
you can, cause once you start experimenting, then you will set yourself up
for more and more. You may one of the lucky (not sure if that's the right
description)ones that has problems with certain foods, expecially sweets,
and that will help you maintain. I am 7 months post-op and can eat
basically anything, just not alot of it. As the weight comes off though it
is an incentive to want to succeed more and more. Good luck to you...I am
sure you'll get a slew of replies and advice.
— Kay S.
March 5, 2003
I am worried about the surgery and all, but my biggest fear is what if I am
the one that it does not work on. I have not had the surgery yet, I thought
that I was the only one that felt this way, everyone always talks about the
fear of dying, I know that the Lord has sent my this way, and sure I do
know the chances that something might go wrong, but the fear of failure,
wow, it is strong, I will pray for you, would you say a pray for me. Please
email me if you would like.
— cindy
March 5, 2003
I worry about the same thing, too. I am having open RNY in less than 6
weeks, and am on optifast (liquid diet) until then. Today was the first
day. It's so hard to deal with the head hunger, especially when you make
food for your child. I gave her a snack tonight (goldfish crackers) and
they looked soooo good. Since I want her to eat normally, I will have a
variety of foods around when I am a post-op, including some sweets
sometimes (to those who think I should not let her have sweets, please read
up on recent studies that found that children deprived of a certain food
are much more likely to binge on them if given the chance!) So, I have to
learn to contend with the head hunger now, and come up with strategies to
conquer the cravings so I don't undo the surgery. I think lots of us worry
about this!
— [Deactivated Member]
March 5, 2003
I had an open RNY 12/23/02, I have lost 50+ lbs -havent weighed in 2 weeks.
Everyday, I deal with these same feelings. I have so many clothes that
are too large yet I afraid to give them up --I have always gained weight
back so I've had four different wardrobes. I finally parted with my old
clothes this week and I have also bought clothes two sizes smaller than
what I wear for Spring. I am finally starting to believe in myself and
someday the extra pounds will be gone. Thank God for counseling! I had a
wonderful recovery, no throwing up etc. I stay away from sweets, and limit
carbs..good luck and hang in there!
— debmi
March 5, 2003
I am 4 weeks post op and my main concern was not the surgery but how i was
going to manage the food. Now if you are anything like me, i have been on
and off a diet since i was 13years old and i was always successful with
losing the weight when i got on a roll. (never keeping it off of course)
and what I'm finding out now is that my attitude about eating is the same
way as when i was commited to staying on my food plan all the other times.
So for now it's OK.
There must have been a time when you were committed to your food plan and
did lose weight.If you succeeded other times in your life with a food plan
you will succeed with the surgery and the food plan.
What will it be like when we lose the weight and will we gain the weight
back? That scares me too, but you know what I've deceided to worry about
that if and when it happens.
The famous saying ONE DAY AT A TIME. Also when you start to feel good and
your life changes you may not want to undue all your hard work.
Good Luck
— janice L.
March 5, 2003
Yes, I am worried about my post-op life after the things I have read from
post-ops who are struggling at times with their old ways of thinking about
food. That's why I have started going back to OA BEFORE surgery, to try and
head those issues off at the pass.
— Linda B.
March 5, 2003
I think you have a legitimate concern here. But I also know that in my
experience, prior to surgery I too was out of control. I ate what I
wanted, whenever I wanted and binged probably everyday. I was addicted to
high fat foods and drank soda everyday as well. I had absolutely no will
power. I am now a little over 7 months out and although I have my demons
to deal with sometimes, I have done suprisingly well. ( 96 pounds gone
isn't too bad) Not only can I not believe the will power I have shown, but
my family as well. I'm not saying that I don't have an occasional weak
moment. But I handle them so much differently than I used to. I know this
will sound corny but I think that positive thinking can help so much with
this. Most of us had a lifetime of little or no self esteem. So finding
the confidence in yourself now, although difficult,it can be a real driving
force for your determination for success. Like one of the previous posts
said, one day at a time. It's good to be realistic and know the temptation
will be there but don't sabotage yourself by automatically assuming you
won't have the willpower to say no. You just might suprise yourself at how
driven you can become once you see the beautiful, thin, and confident
person you kept locked away all these years! :)
Good luck and remember that positive thinking!
— Laurel C.
March 5, 2003
Lindsey, this was my biggest fear as a pre-op, and it's still my greatest
fear at 9 months post-op (at goal). I think it'll always be a big fear,
which I hope will help keep me in check. I'd ask yourself, what will you
do differently this time, in addition to relying on your pouch? Whether
it's exercise, or protein shakes, or reworking your eating habits
(frequency, upping protein foods, following the no-eating and drinking at
same time pouch rule, etc.), you have to do things differently this time.
The pouch is just a tool (sigh...this is now among my most disliked
cliches), but it really does help with doing things differently. And
you're right not to call your post-op eating pattern a "diet" --
'cause we know those don't work. I just keep coming back here for support,
and running my fingers (my mouth'd be moving if this was in person), taking
this whole thing one day at a time.
— Suzy C.
March 5, 2003
Yes. I do not trust me, either. I also do not call what I do a diet. I
call it my formula. One of hte reminders I use for myself is that if I
change the formula, I will change the result. Bad idea. I like the result
so far (8+ yrs). I was given a very workable tool, and I work with my
brain a lot to keep it "happy" to stick with this formula. I
take a lot of supplements, but how I work it with myu brain is that I lost
150#, so I coudl take 150 pills (but I don't have to) and 150g protein (I
prfer to take more) in exchange. Besides, I never had trouble putting
things INTO myface. It was keeping 'em out that was the problem. I know
grazing can undo me, so I have 4 small meals (feedings, I call 'em, some
are snack size). No milk, no sugar, no drinking with meals. I'm perfect
about milk, no problem. (milk hurts), am not perfect about the others. But
I pat me on the back for every day I do it according to my
"formula". I don't lose points (and throw in the towel &
give up, like before) if I mess up ONCE. I just get back on the formula.
And that makes me happier than the deviations made me for that moment that
I thought it would bring happiness. I aim myself in the direction of no
guilt, no bad feelings. I find that when I stick with my formula, my brain
is happier, less conflict going on. And I will travel MANY miles to avoid
conflict, esp with my own brain. Not a pretty sight. I also KNEW I could
never, ever do this. After all, I had 44 years of regain (every treatment
failed) as my total life experience. Just as I somehow manage to get thru a
day without stealing or killing, I can get thru a day staying with my
formula, because it works to get me what I want. IF that makes any sense.
— vitalady
March 5, 2003
This is a very real fear, and as long as you keep it a fear, you can
probably win the battle. I did not. I thought that this was the answer for
all my weight problems and when I could eat anything after surgery, I
thought how lucky I was, not to be one of those who dumped, or couldn't eat
certain things. The problem comes in when you stop losing and haven't
established new eating patterns, the weight WILL COME BACK. I lost 115# in
12 months, and in the 18 months since, I have gained back 35#. I am afraid
that my stoma is too large, my stomach too big, whatever, and am making an
appt. with a new bariatric doc. I lived too far away to go to support
groups from my doc and I think that is a problem. I also think not enough
information about WHY we shouldn't eat certain things. Anyway, let your
worry keep you on the straight path, I am so very depressed over all this I
can hardly function. Jill
— Jill C.
March 5, 2003
Fear can be a positve thing. You're probably saying is she crazy. Ok lets
not call it fear, lets call it being cautiously on guard. I am a year post
op. I have not lost any weight in over 3 months, keep going up and down a
range of about 5 lbs. I do have some of my old eating habits surfacing,
mostly snacking and eating the wrong kinds of food because my pouch now
tolerates them. I think that the true problem arises when we let go of
that fear and forget what we are working towards, and then the lbs can
really creep up. I keep myself in check, and I have my good days and my
bad ones. I admit that I am not perfect and that I can take this one day
at a time. Main point here, is relax, be alert and never lose sight of
your goal.
— SARose61
March 6, 2003
I posted a question about this same thing a week or so ago. Im almost 5
months postop and am now dealing with the fact that I do have to watch what
I eat for the rest of my life. I was told that if I overate I would throw
up..so I wouldnt have to worry about that. I was told that if I ate sugary
foods I would dump...so I wouldnt have to worry there. I was pretty much
told that If I went off the plan, then my body would tell me 'NO, NO'. I
found that if I overeat(stretching the pouch in the process) that I will
throw up...(and I can eat sugar and not have a problem). So I started
eating less, more often..My mind found ways to get around the overeating
thing. I have decided that I will eat every 5 hours(and not sooner). No
matter what. I have started going to support group, Im looking for a
counselor that specializes in eating disorders. Basically, an eating
addiction can get the best of you even with the wonderful tool wls
provides. Get counseling, find your triggers, keep a food diary and if you
are about to eat when its not a regular meal time, stop and ask yourself if
you are REALLY hungry, if you are going through a stressful time
ect...(find your triggers) and then feed yourself something other than
food. Make a call to a friend and talk till it passes, read the Bible if
you are religious, get on the internet, do something to get your mind off
of it. Its not easy...but its is much better than being morbidly
obese....Ive heard the saying that "Nothing tastes as good as thin
feels"...I wanna know what thin feels like!!
— cherokey55
March 6, 2003
Lindsay; your concerns about old habits returning is probably one the
biggest concerns of all wls patients. for me I am almost 1 year out and I
have lost 169 lbs and I am very terrified. Learning that the surgery is
just a "tool" terrified me. Hearing all the information about
pouch stretching, staple line disruptions really did and still does a
whammy on me. I have developed new habits that i try to incorporate in my
daily life. That is not to say that i don't slipup cause I do. I think the
most important thing to remember is that we are not perfect, we will
occasionally eat a treat. Just remember not to over do it. I have a new
outlook on treats because I really feel like treating myself is what caused
me to weigh over 400 lbs in the first place. I remember when I was in the
honeymoon stage and I wasn't hungry at all. Boy I loved that. I still weigh
my foods because that's what works for me. I still thank god and get so
excited when I am full from a tiny meal. To me just realizing that the key
words is discipline and believe in yourself and you will do great. good
luck in your journey
— tameaka S.
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