Question:
Do you tell people you had WLS or you just dieted?
I was wondering what most people tell inquiring minds! Do you tell them you had the WLS or do you just tell them it was diet and exercise? I'm just curious because I'm not sure what I am going to tell people. Thanks -- Shannon — shannon W. (posted on May 3, 2002)
May 3, 2002
I'm very proud of what I've accomplished and tell everyone who will listen.
The other day I was on an interview and the person asked me to "tell
her something about me that she wouldn't know." I pulled out of my
walled a company ID card and her jaw dropped. When I was in the process of
having my surgery I was very straight forward with everyone who asked.
Everyone was surprised that I was having it done, but very glad for me.
TELL THE WORLD!
— dolphins94
May 3, 2002
Some people know I had surgery. Others don't. I tell the one's I don't want
to know (and there is no way they will know unless I tell them) that I am
just really watching what I eat. Low carbs and lots of lean protein. For
the surgery part I told my inlaws that I had a partial gastrectomy (not a
lie at all, part of my stomach was removed) and now have to eat smaller
portions and be really careful. I have to have hernia repair soon and they
know that already. I love my in-laws but they are the type of people (my
hubby's step mother mostly) that would throw it up to me, like "I
could lose weight too if I had my stomach cut on". I just decided it
best for me not to ever have to go there with her. My whole entire family
knows and is supportive. My best friend knows too, but that is as far as I
wanted it to go. Maybe once I hit goal I'll shout it out to the world. I
don't know. Good luck to you and remember, you do what is right for YOU.
— Cinna G.
May 3, 2002
Everyone has to do what's right for them. I told some friends, but not
all. Only one of my 6 siblings knows, and my Mom knows. I *did* get some
negative/uninformed feedback. Things like, "oh, I still feel I can
lose it with diet and exercise" from someone who has always been
overweight, and "do you know you'll only be able to eat tiny amounts
for the rest of your life?". It's also when everyone will tell you
someone they know that failed w/the surgery. Had a couple of those too.
Other than that, I've just told everyone I'm dieting and exercising, low
carbs/high protein. Think about whether and whom to tell very carefully
tho. I know others who told people and severely regretted it.
— GGinMA
May 3, 2002
I tell everyone !! :) Whoever wants to know, they can know. I've been an
open book my entire life - I feel like if I say it first, it takes away
their opportunity to dog me out. :) Do whatever feels best for you but
truth & honesty always seems to work the best - then you don't have to
remember. I don't know how old you are but I'm almost 38 and I feel
sometimers is kicking in - the less I have to remember, the better. :)
— Lisa J.
May 3, 2002
Other than to close friends and family, my plan was to say that I have been
eating healthy and exercising. Although, I am not so good at "hiding
the truth", and have found myself telling people I hadn't expected to,
about my surgery, explaining that it's not as easy as it sounds. Funny
thing is, that when I tell people it's usually not becasue they asked...I
don't even know why I tell them. But, it doesn't come up that often. Even
though I've lost 60 lbs (and 35 inches) from a starting weight of 314 in
the past eleven weeks, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON HAS ASKED ME I'VE LOST ANY
WEIGHT! Grrr....a *little* recognition would be nice!
— PaulaM
May 3, 2002
I tell everyone who asks. I don't want to tell someone who is MO that I
have the willpower or abilty to loose weight without WLS. That would be a
disservice to myself and them. I don't like when people lie to me so I try
not to lie or deceive them.
— Robert L.
May 3, 2002
I understand some people have the need for privacy. Still, to me telling
someone we are dieting and excerising without admitting to surgery is
unfair. Yes, we are eating healthy and exercising (hopefully) but to lead
others to believe that's why we can suddenly lose weight without telling
the rest of the story is lying by omission. It seems rude though to say to
someone who asks, I don't want to tell you how I'm losing weight, go away,
so I can see it being a problem. the thing is when we tell someone we are
losing weight by eating healthfully and exercising, without telling them we
needed surgery to do it, we are perpetuating the diet myth, making them
possibly feel bad about themselves because they can't stay on track and
think you can, and it seems a little cruel. It's a tough one and I haven't
been at all helpful have I? I guess I wonder why anyone would keep it a
secret. I mean my being fat wasnt' a secret, people are always happy to
talk about their cabbage soup diets, so I didn't feel especially
embarrassed I needed surgery. After all, only 3% of the obese population
can lose weight and keep it off for 2 years, I wasnt' one of them. I don't
see it as a weakness and don't especially care about the opinion of those
who do:) Oh well.. bottom line, I think if you don't want to tell people
about the surgery don't say anything except thank you for noticing I'm
losing weight but each person has to figure out what plan works for them.
— Becky K.
May 3, 2002
Hi Shannon - I tell anyone and everyone that I had surgery. I figure, if
they are interested in knowing more, they'll ask me. I've had good and bad
reactions - from "that is wonderful, good for you" to "oh,
you must be one of the lucky ones, I've heard people die from that".
I just tell them that it was a decision that I had to make for me, and me
alone, it's not for everyone, and if the people with negative comments
cannot understand what a huge decision it is to do this, then that's their
problem. I find that these most (not all) of these people are the same
ones that thrive on seeing people fail, and like to spread F.U.D - fear,
uncertainty, and doubt. Tell the world! It's the only way it will be
accepted. The more we hide it, the more people will think it's a shameful
thing - and helping yourself is nothing to be ashamed of. But, this is my
opinion, others may feel differently. Good luck to you!
— lily1968
May 3, 2002
I tell anyone and everyone... I don't think anybody should be
ashamed of making such a positive life altering decision. In
fact, I met someone a couple of weeks ago and things were
going pretty well until I told him. He was quite disapproving
and you know what, that told me that he wasn't someone I wanted
in my life. Prior to the surgery, I was fairly selective as
far as who I told because I did not want to hear any
negative opinions...The decision was hard enough and uninformed
well intentioned people can say pretty dumb things at times.
But now, I share my joy and maybe it will get to someone who is
feeling as sad and as hopeless as I was prior to this
surgery. We are the only ones who can chase the stigma away.
Let's do it!
Regards,
— Ann B.
May 3, 2002
I told my husband, daughters, my best friend and my beautician before I had
the surgery. Since then, I've only told strangers or people who only see
me a few times a year. (dental asst., doctors etc.) I really can't
explain why I have chosen to do this. I DO know that I have lost 86 lbs.
and NO ONE notices. I've dropped 5 pants sizes and gone from a 4X to a 20
top so it is noticable. That alone has made me believe I made the right
decision for me. I don't need or want the attention involved with everyone
knowing. I did this to get healthier and get my life back. I am off BP
meds. I am no longer incontinent. My cholesterol is 99. I have not had
to lie because no one notices. I will share the story with everyone but
when I feel I am ready. Everyone marches to a different drummer.
— grammie5
May 3, 2002
I tell EVERYONE. Now it isn't about ME or MY accomplishement, so much as a
Public Service Announcement! LOL! Hey, someone's gotta do it. ANd sure,
I think I've herad everything, my life span being 5 yrs post-op (oops, I
have overshot it by 3), and how miserable life is after (oh? when does that
part start?) and how limited my food choices are (like being on a diet was
freedom?) and the guaranteed regain, etc & etc. But I tell them ANYWAY,
and a very brief synopsis about old fashioned surgeries vs new ones, old
style ways of doing vs new, knowing so much more about good nutrition today
than yesterday. Don't LOOK at my befores & my now and tell me it
doesn't work! I don't even humor them any more. If they're ignorant &
like it, I let them go on that way. If they really don't know, you never
know, the 10 min explanation I give may save a life later from this
person's postitive exposure. My neighbor, whom I met once for a few
minutes right after my revision (looking lovely, I assure you), has been
curious for years. TWO years later and even my drug induced explanation
brought her back to knock on my door with questions (& probably to see
if it still worked). But it's all SEEDS. Just SEEDS. And every good
exposure can save a life. I never told ONE person that diet/exercise would
work. In that case, I feels as if I'd be dooming them to the miserable
existence I had when I believed that myth myself.
— vitalady
May 3, 2002
I tell anyone who will listen and even some who aren't interested if I get
a good enough grip on their shirt about my weight loss surgery and the
amazing results. I just came back from my pre-op visit to the plastic
surgeon. Ten days to go for my panniculectomy and breast reduction and the
initial phase of my leg skin removal consisting of calf liposuction. I was
working out today in a teeshirt at a gym and kept explaining to various
people why my upper arms look like scrotal sacs. My doc said I could have
my legs and arms done at the same time, about 6 weeks after this first
surgery. I am going to be NORMAL (well, at least normal looking) by
October!!!!!!! YEE-HAAAAA!!!!!!
— merri B.
May 3, 2002
I chose NOT to tell every person who asks about my weight loss surgery. On
the other hand, I've never told anyone that I'm doing this through diet and
exercise either. My standard answer is that I've made a few life altering
decisions that have resulted in my taking better care of my health. I have
shared my surgical experience with my husband and children and my two
closest friends. My father is 79 years old and lives 8 states away. I'll
see him in person this summer and will probably tell him about my surgery.
I've opted to wait to tell him until he can see me and see that I'm not
dying or turning into a bag of bones. I'm healthy and feel great and he
needs to see that before I tell him about the surgery. On the other hand,
I have a MIL who calls my 13 year old daughter fat and never hesitated to
call me the same. I have a SIL who thinks if your % body fat is more than
about 2, you're a lazy pathetic slob. Why would I WANT to share my WLS
with them? To give them more ammo to shoot holes in my already fragile
ego? I don't think so. My other SIL is very dear to me and I love her to
pieces but can't ask her to keep my surgery to herself -- I'd be asking her
to lie to her own family. So I chose not to tell her. If I worked with
anyone who would benefit from WLS, I may have thought differently about
sharing the info at work but I don't so the point is moot. The bottom line
is that I made this choice for myself.....for my husband, for my children
but mostly for myself. If I chose to have a tummy tuck or a nose job or a
breast augmentation, I would not feel at all obligated to share that info.
with anyone outside my family. If my husband had a penile implant I'm SURE
he wouldn't feel obligated to share that info. with his buddies on the golf
course. The point is, this is a decision that I made for myself. I don't
feel obligated to share it with anyone if I choose not to. I didn't sign
up to be a poster child for WLS. At some future date, I may change my mind
and decide to shout it from the rooftops but until then, it's my business.
— Pam S.
May 3, 2002
If somebody asks why I have lost weight, I tell them the truth. If you lie
about it, as some people on this website repeatedly advocate, it will most
likely come back to haunt you. Several years ago, when we lived in a
different town, a neighbor had WLS surgery. He told everybody that he was
just having a hernia repair. But after a few months, and all the weight he
had lost, he still was trying to convince people he was just dieting and
had hernia repair. But all the neighborhood gossip even grew more because
he was making such a big deal about lieing about it. I didn't know much
about WLS at the time. But when we were down their visiting family last
Christmas, we talked about WLS (my wife had RNY last April) and he admitted
to us he had WLS.
I have a few questions to anybody who thinks they have to lie about WLS:
where did you learn about WLS, and what if that person had told you they
had lost weight just through diet & excercise? Where would the WLS
community be now if Carnie Wilson would have just said she dieted and
exercised? My wife and I have now had WLS because my wife's co-worker was
open and honest about it and we started looking into it after she had been
successful. Where would we be today if she would have lied and just said it
was diet and exercise?
— Dell H.
May 3, 2002
Just remember that once you tell someone, you can't UN-TELL them!!!!! If
you wait, you can always tell them later.
Personally, my health is my business and I'm keeping it to myself.
— Angie M.
May 3, 2002
While I agree mostly with what Dell is saying, the truth of the matter is
that as MO people, we are the minority. Telling the skinny receptionist at
work that I had WLS isn't going to save her life. I personally don't know
any other person as large as I am--I definitely don't know anyone else who
would qualify for surgery. So I don't feel too guilty if I choose to lie
to most people. I think it's great that Dell and his wife learned about
this surgery from someone they knew. And if I ever have the opportunity to
tell a truly MO person about my WLS, I probably will. For now, though, I
don't want every uninformed person I know to be talking about what drastic
measures I had to take to lose weight.
— Kristie B.
May 3, 2002
Just a little more to add on. If you want to say your surgery it is
personal and don't want to talk about it with somebody, I respect that. But
I have no respect for a person that thinks they have lie about why they are
loosing weight to somebody who asks. But once those pounds start dropping
off, people are going to talk about you anyway. Would you rather them be
informed and say "yes he/she had bariatric surgery like Carnie Wilson
did and is doing great." or "they claim to be on some diet, but I
bet you they had Bariatric surgery instead of a (hernia or bowel
obstruction or whatever you told them) and now they are just lieing about
it."
— Dell H.
May 3, 2002
Shannon, as a pre-op who just experienced a post-op WLS patient misleeding
me with diet advise and showing off her 100lb loss to boot. And me finding
out I'd gained weight. I really want to say that some openness and honesty
from post-ops, especially to the obese would be so appreciated. When
others make those amazing diets (aka WLS!) work so well, it makes those of
us still battling things the hard way feel like failures. Its certainly
something to consider before perpetuating diet myths while others watch
your weight just seemingly fall off.
— Shelly S.
May 3, 2002
I didn't say I would tell people I'm on a diet. I totally agree that it is
harmful to perpetuate the diet myth. I don't ever again want to SAY the
word "diet," let alone tell people I'm doing great on one. What
I meant by lying is: I'm not telling people (except a select few)
pre-surgery that I'm having WLS. I'm telling them I'm having my
gallbladder removed, which is true. I know that when the weight loss
starts showing, I will have to tell them something, and I WILL NOT tell
them I'm on a diet. I know a woman who had WLS, and when people ask her
how she has lost so much weight, she says, "I had a little help"
and leaves it at that. I will probably say something like that. And, of
course, it helps that Carnie Wilson has been so public with her surgery
because you can always tell people that you had the same surgery she did
and that you're doing just fine like she is. **A side thought: What ever
happened to people having some class and not asking such personal
questions? It's no one's business WHAT surgery I'm having or HOW I lost
weight.** What I meant in my previous post is that I AM NOT obligated to
share my struggle with obesity and my "cure" for it with just any
'ole person I happen to run into. Telling some "skinny" people
about WLS will do nothing but provide them with something to talk about--it
sure won't save their lives. And, as I also stated in my previous post,
I'm sure if I ever come across an MO person whose life could be changed by
WLS, I will tell them about it. But deep down in my soul, I believe, as
others have stated, that my one responsibility is MY health, not the health
of others.
— Kristie B.
May 3, 2002
This is such a personal topic. In general, I am a VERY open person, telling
people anything they want to know. But when it came to my surgery, I felt
it was something I wanted to keep to myself. I told my family and close
friends, but I didn't think that the world had to know about my health
choices. Just because I haven't announced it to the world does not mean
that I don't have support, or that I'm not proud of my accomplishment. When
people notice that I am looking thinner, I just smile and say thanks. If
they ask how, I say I am watching portions and avoiding simple carbs- both
are true statements. I do think it's important to have some support systems
(friends/family) but I don't think that I needed random people judging my
choices. Good luck with what ever you chose to do and on your journey!! :)
— Angela B.
May 4, 2002
After having read all these really great responses, I just had to post one
more time. Two thoughts occured to me: 1) even if someone skinny is asking
how you lost your weight and you don't think they would ever qualify for
surgery, remember that 60% of the US population is now listed as
'overweight'. Chances are that person has someone in their life who is
suffering the effects of obesity, if not morbid obesity and would dearly
love to give that person some hope: "There is this woman I work with
who had weight loss surgery and has lost a lot of weight and seems to be
doing great!" I get a lot of requests from people I talk to to have
one of their friends call me for information. I usually write down this and
another website for more information, but have talked a few complete
strangers through the process. It feels good to know that I have made a
personal difference in their life. I know this type of 'sharing' isn't for
everyone and that is ok. Secondly, I notice people don't want to tell
about this surgery for fear of having others judge them. I personally
can't stand the self-righteous genetically skinny people who say things
like "I am sooo glad you finally decided to do something to control
yourself, I know you'll feel better." While I agree with them, that I
do feel better, it is the supposition that I was previously out-of-control,
a glutton, a fat, lazy slob of a human being who has now seen their light.
I still disagree with people who think 'fat is bad/shameful/fill in the
blank'. It occurs to me that fat has no moral value, it just is. And when
it gets burdensome, there is, thank God, this surgery that is effective.
Dealing with those people I have two choices: educate them, or simply roll
my eyes are realize how insignificant they are in the general scheme of
things. How I respond depends on how much psychic energy I have that day.
Anyway, my final observation is this: do what feels right for you, tell or
don't, just to thine own self be true. Blessings to all who answered this
challenging question...
— merri B.
May 4, 2002
I tell everyone I'm pre op WLS. I'm an RN and I will be honest with my
patients too. Why? I am sick of hiding about obesity being a disease. I'm
not doing this to be "skinny" and "pretty" and
"vain". I'm doing this to stop dieting, to preserve my health,
and to (hopefully) extend my time on this Earth. Not everyone knows about
wls, and some could greatly benefit from the knowledge. How did AA become
so popular? Word of mouth. If I simply said I was "dieting and
exercising", I would be lying and hate myself for it. Everyone
deserves this chance. Making the decision to do something about your
obesity is courageous, but keeping it to yourself is selfish. Sorry.
— NicoleG
May 4, 2002
I tell everyone that is interested, and some that are not! I am having my
surgery on May 9th, and I struggled with this question only briefly. I am
not ashamed of my choice and I am not afraid of anyone's judgement. If
they are ready to cast the first stone about ANYTHING, God Bless them. I
do get rather annoyed when I tell someone and then they tell me how they
want to get their thighs done, but I have touched many people with my story
and although I am not out to "recruit" anyone, I have at least
gotten them thinking about themselves and what type of choices they have.
I don't believe that I could keep this to myself and still live in
integrity. And that is one of my biggest focuses right now...living from
truth.
— AngelaA
May 6, 2002
i will definitly tell n e one who asks. for i am not ashamed but proud to
be having it done. already i tell everyone and im not having surgery till
first of june
— amanda W.
May 6, 2002
I only told a few people (parents and siblings), but believe me, word got
out anyway. EVERYONE knows I had it done! Now that they know, I wish I
would have just been more up front about it in the first place because now
they probably think I was just outright lying to them when I said I eat
just a little bit of food and exercise. I also feel I am doing a
disservice to people who actually think that dieting and exercise is what
finally worked for me. I know it's my life and my business, but I don't
like the feeling that I am keeping a big secret either. So...if I had to
do it all over again, I would just spill my guts and tell it all!
But...that's just me. :)
— blank first name B.
May 6, 2002
i told some people. others were told that i really didn't want to know
about it. i just talked to my ex husband tonight about something to do with
the kids and he asked me what i had surgery for. well, so i just said
"female things, you know how it is when you get older". well, my
main goal is to avoid seeing him when he picks up my son and in a few
months get all dressed up (even if i'm not going anywhere) and just kinda
walk out the door. nobody has ever seen me thin, including myself. it's a
personal choice really. how comfortable are you about the surgery? good
luck...Phyllis (open RNY 5-2-02)
— candymom64
May 8, 2002
NOT EVERYBODY HAS TO BE ON A SOAPBOX. If everybody was a motivational
speaker then noone would have an audience. And believe me fat people know
that diets dont work....if they did noone would be fat. It is not up to you
to save the world. It is not your responsibility or mine. No one told me
about the surgery, I had seen the articles in magazines and ads on tv. I
even heard about a place called weight for life on the radio. You do not
need to make yourself feel like a sideshow or infomercial just to spread
the word. There are plenty of people in the world that dont mind sharing
their personal life with everyone. You ARE NOT being selfish by desiring a
private life...as I said fat people know diets dont work. I know of several
obese people that think that I am admitting defeat b/c Im 'giving up' and
getting the easy way out. So not all big people are going to respect and
appreciate or even want to hear the wealth of info that you have to offer.
I am not wanting to have the surgery so I can be a free advertisement or a
poster child for wls, I want to live to see my babies grow up and I want to
spend my twilight years sitting on the porch swing with my hubby...I dont
wanna be a poster child...I just wanna live. DONT feel guilty for wanting
the same thing.
Someone else asked question similar (hers was about what she could tell to
coworkers, she did not want to tell total strangers and near strangers
about her wls) and I wanted to tell you the same thing....whatever you
CHOOSE to tell people is your own business and dont feel bad about it.
— cherokey55
May 8, 2002
If you want to tell people that your surgery is personal and you don't want
to discuss it, I can respect that. But I have no respect for people who
have to lie and tell people you are loosing weight by diet and excercise
alone. As long as people lie about WLS there will still be a stigma to it.
But if you are open about it, especially after the pounds starting dropping
off so fast, there isn't any diet on the face of the earth that can do that
as effectively as WLS. By doing that you are just propagating the whole
diet cures obesity myth even further. What if Carnie Wilson would have told
everybody that she just lost weight through diet & excercise?
— Dell H.
May 8, 2002
I am pre-op and thinking about this same thing. I might tell people that
are MO if they ask me, but for the others I'm not so sure.
— Toni C.
May 9, 2002
I have not had my surgery yet, but I have already told everyone at work
that I am trying for surgery and they are very supportive. I have not told
all of my family in case it doesn't happen, but I feel that once I have
surgery and people start to ask me, the time for shame is over and that it
will be time to stand up and be noticed and help educate others if
necessary. You just need to search your heart and see what it says for
you. It's an individual decision. Good luck.
— Margaret F.
May 9, 2002
Obviously, this is a very personal decision and I respect everyone's right
to tell or not to tell. For me, it has been complete honesty all the way.
I am extremely proud that I have finally taken control of my health and
done something to get my obesity under control. I have never felt any
shame at using the surgery to improve my life any more than I would have
felt shame at having open heart surgery or having a cancer removed.
I have been very fortunate in that I have had total support from everyone
who knows me. If they don't agree, they aren't telling me about it. There
is nothing I like more than talking about the surgery and how beneficial it
has been for me, but I would never impose my views on anyone. If they ask,
I tell. It is very difficult to see morbidly obese people and not approach
them - but I know how I probably would have felt if someone had done that
to me. We never know what a person's life circumstance is, so it's better
to be approached. As for my family, friends and the people I work with, I
told them as soon as I made the decision to try to get approval.
Once again, it's a personal decision, but I would rather people know the
truth than have them speculate about whether I have cancer or aids or
something. I have lost 100 pounds in 5 months and you don't lose that much
by dieting.
Patty Butler
Open RNY - 11/29/01
-100 pounds
— Patty_Butler
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