Question:
What do I tell my boss. I do not want her to know anything about this.
I am a single female, with a child to raise, I really need my job. But I know my boss and if I tell her why I need off for surgery she will tell everyone. I am almost postive that some of my co-workers will pray that I die in surgery, I don't want that type of prayers going out. I thought about telling her that I would need some other type of procedure, and that I would be off for a week or so. I have a very easy desk job, low stress and good pay. I really want to keep it. — Rachel D. (posted on December 6, 2002)
December 6, 2002
hello, i so sorry you work for such an oger, she sounds very mean, but i
firmly believe what comes around goes around. but if you need a suggestion,
my aunt had the surgery, i found out only because out of all the people she
could have emailed to support she picked me, (small world huh) she told
everyone that her intestines were blocking her esophagus(sp?) and was
causing major belly problems and had to have it corrected. and it worked
because that type of surgery will make you lose wt quick. You should
consider looking for another job after surgery she sounds to mean i thank
god everyday for my boss- wish you much luck maureen
— Maureen A.
December 6, 2002
I too have had more than one terrible boss. It is not any of their
business - but at the same time - you have to have an explanation. Had I
not had the best boss in the world I too might have said - "I have to
share something with you that is of a very confidential medical nature and
I'm so glad I can trust you not to share this with any of my co-workers. I
know you would never breach confidentiality- because (then smile)it is so
confidential (keep strongly re-emphsizing the confidentiality issue) - And
since you are the only one I'm telling - if others find out I'll know where
they got the information." Then tell her! There is no way that you
can return to work in 1 week. And when you do come back to work and the
evidence of your absence is obvious (you'll be looking swelvt) - everyone
will know. Tell her that you want it to be YOUR decision to tell your
co-workers - no one elses. And you will do that if and when you feel the
time is right.
Additionally - if you are approved by your doctor and insurance for this
surgery and you have a least one year and I think at least 1500 hours you
are eligible for FMLA (Family Medical Leave) and they have to hold your job
(without pay, of course) for up to 12 weeks.
Maybe you need to go to your medical or HR department? Good luck.
— Susan B.
December 6, 2002
I have always felt that the less that my employer knows about my personal
life that better I would like it. Simply tell them that you are going in
for surgery, no more no less, they probably wont press it and if they do
tell them that it is for some gastro-intestinal work. Don't offer anymore
than is needed, it is really none of their business. However, you really
should plan on more than one week off. After one one week I did not feel
like working, and I do the same thing as you. I work at a desk and it isn't
stressful. After surgery your body is trying to get it's bearings back and
I found that just going to a freinds house for about 2 hours wiped me out.
I was exhausted. I'm about 3 and a half weeks out now and I feel like I
could start work again, but I still get tired and don't want to push it.
Besides you will be pretty sore for about the first 10-14 days and really
work will be the last thing you will be interested in. I would file short
term disability ot take advantage of FEMA, for the time off. You will be
glad you did.
— dkinson
December 6, 2002
Rachel, I work for a very good boss, but like some of the others who have
posted, I LIKE MY PRIVACY!! So, I just told my boss that I was having some
personal surgery and would be out 2-4 weeks (I'm having open on the 18th).
He said "Do what you need to do to take care of yourself" and
didn't press me for details. One co-worker did press me for details and I
told him that I was having some gastrointestinal problems and was having
surgery for that. My doctor put on my FMLA form "Needs time to
recover from major surgery." By federal law, you do not have to tell
your employer the specifics of your medical condition requiring FMLA.
However, every office has its share of busy-bodies! Good luck to you, and
I hope it helps knowing that all of us understand!
— asumamma1
December 6, 2002
Gallbladder removal... plain and simple....
— k r.
December 6, 2002
Your better off not telling them what kind of surgery. I worked in an
office where one of the girls had wls done, and all they did was talk about
her. When she came back to work all they did was talk about what and how
much she was eating it was awful. Make up some kind of stomach problem,
remember when you come back and are losing weight like crazy they may put
two and two together. I know this maybe over the top for some but stomach
ulcers and stomach cancer surgery (cured of course) will have the same side
effects of wls one being massive weight loss. Just my two cents, please
toss if not for you. Good luck to you on your journey to weight loss
heaven....
— [Deactivated Member]
December 6, 2002
I also to NO ONE in my office. I got prescheduled vacation , for 3 weeks. I
returned to work in 2 following my lap rny. As a light weight my weight is
coming off more slowly...I even had one coworker say...well you know in the
beginning its just water weight..."Bit--h. So i just said well maybe
and take my regulare afternoon walk and watch my diet. So far its 30lbs
off, and others are motivated to join me on my walks...but no one knows
about the procedure...its MY SECRET....
— Keniki B.
December 6, 2002
I didn't want anyone in my office knowing exactly what I was having done
either. My surgery is on Monday and I just told people that my stomach
doesn't work like it's supposed to and needs some fixing up. I tried not
to lie. I just kinda skimmed over the truth. Patty
— Patricia R.
December 6, 2002
My surgery is Dec. 30. I told two close pals the truth. Everyone ELSE is
going to hear..."Well, my one ovary has some cysts, nothing cancerous,
and then my gallbladder is all lumpy too. Also, my intestines get blocked
up sometimes. And at the same time I seem to have some problems with my
uterus hanging down too low. So while the doctor is doing all that, he's
also gonna check on the small ulcer I think I have. Then he'll push my
cervix back to where it was before I had a baby. He thinks he might also
have to tighten up my the outlet of my left kidney. But maybe not. Once
they cut me open, they'll probably take out my appendix just for good
measure..." NO ONE will want to hear ANY MORE about my surgery!
— kelly D.
December 6, 2002
Your coworkers will "pray that you die"??? My Gosh what type of
people do you work with!? I told everyone I had a hernia repair and the
Nissen procedure, which fixes the reflux. With that surgery you have to be
on liquids also and can explain the weight loss as the opening is swollen
from surgery. Good Luck!
— ZZ S.
December 6, 2002
Just tell her that you are having your gallbladder removed.
— Cami K.
December 6, 2002
Once your down 50 pounds or more you might as well tell the truth.
Otherwise your office gossips will run wild talking of aids, cancer or
other dreaded disease your wasting away from and who will be next in line
for your job and desk:) Just a bit of humor but truly how many know ANYONE
who looses this fast and keeps it off?
— bob-haller
December 7, 2002
GALLBLADDER REMOVED!!!
<3 Chrissy
— Christine C.
December 7, 2002
How about "Intestinal Re-section"? I know someone who had this
done in order to correct a blockage. It also explains the liquid diet and
weight loss. Plus, when people hear intestines, they do not want to know
more!
— Leslie M.
December 7, 2002
I didnt really care who knew, but I wasnt going to tell my boss exactly
what I was doing. Just the rebel in me I guess. All I said was that I was
having surgery on (date) and will require 6 weeks off. Then before any
questions could be asked....I said...Is there any paperwork I need to fill
out, and who would you like me to train to do my stuff while I am gone?
She never asked why. However...an earlier poster mentioned that everyone
in your office will talk about it....shes right. I work in a large
office..200+ and there are 3 or 4 of us that have done this. I know
everyones story from everyone but the patient. Its sad. Everyone knows my
story and they all talk about it because I was the most recent one to have
it done. People I dont talk to come up and ask how things are going. I
personally dont care. It doesnt bother me and I am VERY open about the
whole thing. But for some, it would.
— RebeccaP
December 7, 2002
I don't see where the co-workers praying that you will die in surgery (what
a horrible thing for them to even think about doing) has anything to do
with keeping your job. I would think that your boss would be happier
having a healthier employee as a result of this surgery.
<p>
I've been upfront with my employer and co-workers all along about this
surgery. I told my boss and co-workers back in October 2001 when I called
to make the appointment - I said that I would be having a gastric bypass
sometime in 2002 and I'd be unable to travel (I am a systems engineer for
Siemens Medical) for 2 months. After my initial consult in 4/2002, I
narrowed it down to summer or fall 2002 and when I got my date, my employer
was the 2nd person I called after my wife (I was on the way to Albany, NY
at the time).
<p>
My managers (I got a new one recently) and co-workers have been nothing but
supportive during the whole process. I work from home and the other SE's
work remotely as well, so we don't see a lot of one another, but we talk on
the phone weekly. They are always asking how I am doing and how much
weight I've lost - and I don't mind telling them. We were all just at a
Services Excellence forum in Philadelphia the week prior to Thanksgiving
and they got the chance to see me for the first time since my surgery.
Everyone was full of compliments about my appearance and better health and
also full of wishes for continued success.
<p>
It's up to you whether or not to tell your co-workers, but I think you will
find that their reactions would be quite different than you imagine. I
also wonder what their reactions will be if you cover it up now, but come
out with the truth later...JR (open RNY 07/17 -122 lbs)
— John Rushton
December 7, 2002
Rachel ... what you tell people is your own business. When I had my
surgery in April 2000, I just told most of my colleagues I was "having
some plumbing rerouted", which immediately flashes them onto some
unspeakable female thing, and stops the question dead in its tracks. There
were about three people at my workplace who actually knew what I was going
in for. While I wonder how "low stress" a job can be if there'd
be co-workers praying for you to die in surgery (and how awful is THAT?),
you've got a tough enough row to hoe being a single mom and facing surgery.
Be strong, do what you need to do, and don't feel like you have to confess
everything to everyone. Warm skinny thoughts now and always,
— Cheryl Denomy
December 7, 2002
First of all if you have a Human Resources department go to them and find
out what paperwork is required. In general it's a standard form from your
doctor in which all he or she needs to state is patient needs surgery and
must be of work for X weeks. No more than that. Even if your boss found
out about it and tried to fire you it would be a losing battle as you can
not be dismissed for having surgery - elective or not. If you have that
abad of a working relationship with your boss let HR notify her that you
will be off. That's their job. If you do not have an HR department just
have your doctor fill out the form and give it to your boss and if she asks
details just say it is personal and I do not want to discuss it. I would
have her date stamp it and get a copy of it so she can't say you didn't let
her know. Just know for sure you CANNOT be fired for this. There are way
too many laws on your side.<p>As far as the working environment you
are in, it sure sounds like it sucks! Pardon my language. It is laden with
stress. How do you deal with that stress - eat? You will have to find a
way to learn to ignore the people who are not there to support you. I'd
work on thickening my skin. Maybe seeing a counselor would help you
through this exciting and yet difficult time.<[>I always knew I had
an understanding and supportive boss and when I told him I was meeting with
a surgeon to look into the surgery he was excited for me. He made it clear
he has no problems with my weight and it isn't a factor of me being able to
do my job but he also knows how difficult it is for me at times. He told
not to worry about how long I would have to be off etc. He and I have
talked a couple of more times since my consult and he is still very
supportive - whatever I decide.<p>I have told my assistant, who is a
very close friend and my mom and 2 other close friends. So at this point a
whole 5 people know. I am not sure who I will all tell before surgery but
I suspect I will tell the office staff and from there is will likely be all
over campus. However, even with it traveling like wild fire I do not
expect anything but total support. The few that would have some snide
comments to make wouldn't dare do it to my face and if they do it behind my
back I am able to just say it's their problem. It's the same way I feel
about people's opinions aobut my weight. Whatever the issue is it's their
issue - not mine. I don't hate myself for being fat. The only issue I
have with my weight is how it is limiting my life and causing pain.
Persoanlly I think I look fine.<p>Go do what is best for you and your
children and live a long healthy life! Your deserve it!
— zoedogcbr
December 7, 2002
I didn't tell anyone at work before the surgery. I wasn't worried about
lack of support, just for me it is a very private thing. I told the office
manager that I was having surgery, no details, she didn't ask. I turned in
my paperwork as I was leaving. When the office manager went to get my
direct supervisor to sign, he refused because she couldn't tell him what I
was having and couldn't ask because I'd already left. HR had her sign in
his place. Legally it was none of his business. I was back to work in a
week (had open RNY) but that's probably pretty unusual. I then *did* tell
what I had done. Most everyone has been pretty supportive. The jerk who
refused to sign my papers didn't speak to me for two days and still has not
asked how I'm doing. That is *his* problem, not mine! He's extremely
childish. I'm only working there one more week. Several people have asked
me to send back pictures and keep them posted on my progress, they are
excited for me! And one confided that she'd thought about the surgery
herself. I've been providing information to those genuinely interested. My
leaving the job has nothing to do with having surgery. What you choose to
tell people is *your* business, not theirs, and their nosiness does not
mean you have to tell them anything! If you have to, keep repeating that
this is something you'd rather not discuss at this point. BTW, I had
surgery 11-18-2002 and feel as well now as I did before.
— Susan A.
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