Question:
Why am I doing this to myself?
I'm 2 years out and lost 80 lbs. I started at 207 and got down to 127. I'd like to lose more but if I don't get my head out of my butt it's not gonna happen. The past two or three months I've gained back 12 lbs!! And I know it's because of sweets. Where I work, I swear, it's "Carb City" every day - there's cookies, chips, muffins, donuts, bagels, you name it. But that's not even the worst of my problem. It's candy. First I felt like I was addicted to M&Ms. I had a jar at my desk and would eat them off and on all day. So I got smart and quit buying them. Then I made a mistake and went into a candy specialty store. Now it's Holland Mints. I have a jar at my desk. I keep telling myself to stop doing this, but it's like I'm powerless to stop. I bought more yesterday and can't wait to eat some. Am I lacking something in my diet? Is it in my head? Please help me to understand why I am doing this to myself! It's like I can't control these sugar urges and I'm scared to death I'm going to keep gaining. First I wanted to get down to 110 as my goal. Now I'd give my right arm to just get back to 127. Someone please help! --Pam Nicholson — pjnick (posted on October 30, 2004)
October 30, 2004
I hear you Sister! This has been a huge battle for me. I've lost 11 lbs
in the last two weeks by basically going back to basics. Nothing too
radical. I've gained about 25lbs from my lowest point. I'm certainly not
smug about knowing the answer but at least these last two weeks have been a
lot better because I forgave myself for fouling up. This has been a
problem for me since I was 7 yrs old so it's no surprise - although I was
QUITE surprised! - that I crept back into my old habits. Carb City and
grazing - and stress eating supreme at work where there is always lots of
food. But it's not like before - we are posties! The tool still helps,
although we both know we can out-eat the surgery. I feel a lot better
already - I'm more active and I don't miss eating like an idiot. But every
day will be a challenge the rest of my life. But beating myself up always
led to eating, eating and more eating - the old diet mentality, I'll start
Monday - you know the drill. So, for these two weeks anyway, I've been
both gentle and firm with myself. I want to do the best I can. and, for
me, I know I can do better than cramming candy down my throat and having 6
"Healthy" Choice ice cream sandwiches after work. And don't
forget my friend that you've done GREAT!!! Yes, surgery helped a ton - but
YOU did it!!
I wish there were a simple answer - if you find one please let me know
immediately!
Good luck to us both (to all of us who struggle with this - and I think
it's a lot more people than we hear about - it's very hard to admit and I
applaud you for your honesty.)
Your pal - weight going down again hurray hurray!
Bette
— [Deactivated Member]
October 30, 2004
Unfortunately this surgery does not fix our minds. I am addicted to carbs.
I caught myself eating sliced bread, bagels, potato soup...craving these
things. God help me...wheat thins are my weakness! I gained 6lbs and
decided to get a grip. I cleared my kitchen of these items and began
working out again. Lately, I have been eating grapes like they were pure
milk chocolate. I crave them! Come to find out...guess what...loaded with
carbs. My mind is my worst enemy. Forgive yourself and keep fighting. I
am currently having the Jerry Springer version of a battle over carbs..with
myself! hahahaha
You are not alone.
— Theresa A
October 30, 2004
We all fall off the wagon. We are all in one way, shape or form recovering
food addicts. When you fail, take steps to structure your food habits
where you won't be tempted. See if you can figure out why you're
sabatoging yourself. But in the meantime, get up, get back to bacics and
keep working on your goal.
— Cathy S.
October 30, 2004
I am right with you i can not help myself,it is crazy but i know everyday i
hard really it is i am 17months out and everyday it is i am going to do
better but somedays i do and some i dont tonight i have choc.candy bad
nancy but tomorrow is another day so i hope tomorrow will be better i have
made i mind up getting up and going to walk in the morning for sure i am
have trouble just like 100+more but just dont post will all need help i am
going to see some one monday if noting happens to help me to find out why i
am doing this some days i make candy and then put it in the trash what a
waist,i know but my mind tells me i need to do it so what do you do i hope
to get help and soon,good luck to all.
— nancy A.
October 30, 2004
Pam, I joined weight watchers to take back off the 15 I had gained. I lost
7lbs in two weeks and was doing great and it was pretty effortless. Then
my family went to Disney world....oh, the shame. I came back and had
gained 5lbs. Sigh.....so back on the WW wagon. It really has helped me
and my uncontrolable snacking habits. You have to track EVERYTHING you put
in your mouth. Anyhow...you are not alone. : ) ~rebecca
— RebeccaP
October 30, 2004
it's so nice to know we're not alone. your all lucky to have caught this in
the beginning. i'm 2 1/2 years post op and i lost 164 pounds. got down to
151. my goal was 150, never saw it. i've gained almost 40 pounds back. it's
so easy for somebody to say "don't buy it and you won't eat it".
i don't find it that easy. i'm just a foodaholic...i put something into my
mouth and 5 minutes later i hate myself for it. i know i'm no longer 315
pounds, but i feel it. i was down to a size 10 one year ago and now i'm a
16 again...UGH...
— candymom64
October 30, 2004
I am also a little over 2 years out had surgery september 25, 2002. I
started out at 373 and nw i am at 289. I have not made it to goal weight
yet. I am still struggling with food issues. Lots of sugar ad grazing and
not exercising coz I have other issues to so i do alot of stress
eating.Hang togh, I know we all can accomplish and defeat the sugar
monstors!
— missturtle
October 30, 2004
First of all I am no expert on this, guess if I were, I would not be in the
position I am in as well..I am 10 months out, slowwww looser, -80 of which
I am greatful, and still have a ways to go..
NOW with all that said.. I have to come back to the ol saying "ITS NOT
WHAT YOUR EATING, ITS WHATS EATING YOU". when I start to feel out of
controll and want to climb back in to my best buddy (FOOD) I TRY to stop
and ask myself what is eating on me that I feel I need the comfort in food,
I TRY to step back and look at the big picture. Second I TRY to always have
a Protein bar with me so that when others are induldging in sweets I have
mine too..I hate the feeling of dumping but still struggle at times with
sweets myself, and know I have to get control of it NOW while my pouch is
still working for me...and its posts like this one that continues to help
me to focus on my issues.. ( THANK YOU ) last but not least.. when I find
myslef in the place where I have food in front of me that I know is not the
best thing for me.. I TRY to take one bite and throw the rest in the
garbarage.. giving in to my craving.. and yet showing myself that I AM IN
CONTROL!... does this work?.. not every time... does it help?.. YES! for me
it does.. but I know that this is a life long issue with me and I try to be
forgiving of myself.. I think WE are our worst enemy at times.. Best of
luck to ALL of us out there!
— Kalli R.
October 31, 2004
Pam, I am still hoping to have the sugery so I really don't know a lot
about it except what i have read. It seems like every one looses the most
when they first come out of sugery and they do exactly what the doctor
tells them to do. From what you have said you havae lost you have done a
wonderful job. AWhen I get nervous and really try to loose weight that is
when I put it on big time. I get depressed, and like you I am a sugar
aholic. I think we are like drug addics and alcololics. When we are
around itaa we want it when we see other people eat it we want to eat it
too, but wwe can't because out bodies are different. It's not our fault.
I have felt for years that this was all my fault, but it is not!
Don"t be so hard on yourseld. Ypu have caught it before it has gotten
out of hand. You have gotten your eyes and mind set now and are aware of
what you are doing. I wish you the best of luck. My thoughts and prayers
are with you. I hope someday I will beb able to have this sugery also. I
just need to find someone who will take the Ky Medicaid card. Wish me
luck. Judy
— Judy 52
October 31, 2004
Pam,
You have gotten alot of good answers here. I recently asked my doctor the
exact same question. Why am I doing this to myself? I don't think I want
to sabatoge myself, but why can't I stop eating things that I know are bad
for me, ie reeses peanut butter cups, or any and every other form of
chocolate? For the last six months I have been addicted to chocolate. I
could not get through the day without eating some kind of chocolate. It
was almost to the point that if you offered me a regular meal or sugar
(chocolate), I'm gonna choose the sugar. As someone else suggested, it
could be what's eating you. What's going on in your life that has you out
of balance? For me, it was the end of a relationship. I felt like I moved
on, but I was eating to make up for the loss that I felt and only after a
few months did that simple fact finally hit me. Now, just realizing this
didn't make me stop doing what I was doing. It went on for several more
months until about two weeks ago when I decided enough was enough. I went
back to the gym, I drank my water instead of sodas, I forced myself to say
no to the bad stuff. It doesn't always work, but its helping. I had
gained back about 15 lbs, and in the last two, I've lost 10.
Now, all that said, I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. The
response that my doctor gave was, you are 1.5 years out. Its about that
time when you've maybe reached your goal or close, you become a little
complacent, forget your basics and go a little crazy. The good part about
this. You have an excellent tool. You don't have 100 or 150 to lose now
and it will be easier. You can do it, I know you can. You've done it
before. I wish you all the best in the world. And congrats on how far
you've already come.
— Jaime H.
November 1, 2004
Pam, you took the words right out of my mouth. my RNY was 12/11/02,
started at 290#, got down to 200 by last spring. Than some stress issues
came up, demands on my time which caused me to quit working out and I no
longer spent the time necessary to be sure I had what I needed to make
healthy living the priority in my life. I didn't gain any for about 6
months, but in the past 10 weeks the stress has increased, and I've gained
15#. I know from previous counselling that eating what I want is my way of
rebelling -- there are issues in my life that I have no control over which
are making demands on my time and attention, and I subconsciously resent
them. So the little kid in me is saying "oh yeah? Maybe you can force
me do those things I don't want to do, but I'm gonna eat anything I want,
so there!" My craving for candy, especially chocolate, is totally out
of control, and I have to be nibbling on something constantly.But last week
I realized my clothes were getting tight so it's time for the adult in me
to take over and get back to working out, eating right and taking care of
myself. Good luck to all of us! (And the next time I hear someone say WLS
is "taking the easy way out" I'm gonna pinch off their head and
shove it down their throat!)
— Jules B.
November 1, 2004
I believe that for me, reaching for sugars (especially chocolate) is a
chemical thing. Stress and/or depression are relieved by the
sugar/chemical lift that sweets and carbs and candies give, so I reach for
them because they *work* (for a short while), but then I crash and feel
fatigued, causing me to reach for them again (this is how addictions are
created) *and* to feel even worse because I've lost "food
control."<P>My personal opinion is that when you find yourself
in this phase, you are *not* in a position to eat a little bit of whatever
you want and enjoy little treats. That's just obesity in a bag (or box, or
on a plate), for you, when you are in that state. Cold turkey quitting is
what I recommend, and I recommend saying to yourself the following:
"I have a disease (obesity). I can get serious and treat it as such,
cutting out the foods I cannot handle, or I can play games and pretend I
can 'handle' it." How'd the games work for you as a pre-op? If they
didn't work then, they don't work now. Why does this happen? In myself, I
write it off to obesity being a disease. When I treat it as such, I
survive these periods. Just barely!
— Suzy C.
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