Question:
What do I tell my family member who say I don't need WLS.
Several members of my family are very negative about WLS and tell me I'm not FAT enough. The operation might make me unhealthy and I know that people in our family are big. Well the one with the most negative things to say daughter now is researching this operation and she thinks I'm to blame. — deniece M. (posted on November 4, 2002)
November 4, 2002
i didnt have to deal with a whole lot of negativity but i did have
concerned family members who didnt feel I should have it done, what I did,
is educated them about the surgery gave them the option to support me or
not. I explained my reasons for having it and that they can either be
there or not period no if ands or buts about it...in the end i ended up
getting all of the support and now they see and like what they see and are
happy with the results along with myself!!! good luck hon
— Deanna Wise
November 4, 2002
Invite a post op to a family gathering. Have them bring their before photo,
and tell their story. That should convince most of them WLS is GREAT.
Ignore the ones who dont come around. I had some very good friends who said
I was insane, really.. for even considering surgery. One espically tried to
scare me out of it. My best friend since the early 70s. He now advocates
surgery for his MO daughter. Your making a wonderful ecision. Those folks
just cant understand and if they are MO they are afraid they will somehow
be pressured to have WLS themselves. Do whats best for YOU!
— bob-haller
November 4, 2002
I made a decision, two weeks prior to the surgery, to write a letter to my
close friends and family telling them of my decision to have WLS and why. I
told them the possible risks involved, I also explained my co-morbidities.
I told them that I respected what their diffeneces of opion might be and
hoped that they would respect mine as well. I kept it very positive and
focused on the good things that would result in my having the surgery. To
my great and wonderful surprise, I received feedback from just about
everyone and all of it was positive and supportive. Even from the people I
least expected it- namely a family friend and surgeon. So, my recomendation
is be postive, be firm and be accepting of others opinions but remain true
to yourself. This is a huge decision that only you can make for yourself.
In the end, when the naysayers see what it will do for you they will be
happy for you. Give them the benefit of the doubt and carry on toward your
goal.
— cmlattig
November 4, 2002
You know, my hair is naturally curly. Lots of people think I should let it
do its own thing. I HATE it curly. I prefer to wear it in a straighter
style. Some people prefer it longer. I think I'm too old to wear it
longer. Some even liked it pixie short. You know, it's MY hair on MY face
and I'm the one who has to work with it every day. Mine, my, me. With my
weight, everyone had an opinion about whether I needed it or not, or how I
could diet one more time. I KNEW me and my past, and I knew where my
health was & how much longer my lungs would last where they were. I
had scary story threats & much encouragmenet that I was not THAT big.
But I was still dying. In the end, I had to make the decision that was
best for ME, not best for them. Today I know they were scared. Of my dying
in or after surgery, of my becoming thinner, of my not being as easily
manipulated, of their own personal fears. It's done, I'm healthy, (bonus:
I look better), and none of those awful things befell me or them. It
sounds selfish and I think it is. But I lived to meet a grandson & my
ex did not. He died of his comorbs.
— vitalady
November 4, 2002
Tell them the truth...It's none of their business!
— D S.
November 4, 2002
Number one, ditto to what Michelle said. Number two, it's your body, your
life, your pain & anguish. Not their's. I went through friends &
family, of those I told, disagreeing with my decision, however I was
somewhat lucky in that I'm known as being stubborn & doing what I want
regardless of what they have ever thought or said. The one person I had a
serious issue with, my foster brother, I told the night before surgery. So
he kept his mouth shut for a couple weeks post op & then bugged out.
Anyway, the point being is if you don't want to hear the negativity, tell
them to shut up. That you don't want to hear it. It's not your place to
tell them how to live their life, & not theirs to tell you. You're
family, not connected at the hip. If they want to show their love, they can
try being supportive, if they can't do that, BE GONE! `
— LionGirl2k
November 4, 2002
"Thank you for your concern."
— Marti R.
November 4, 2002
I, too, had to deal with negativity from my family. I was just lucky
enough to have them live several states away! ;) But I also got a lot of
"you're not BIG enough to need that kind of surgery!" from people
at work.........and I work in a HOSPITAL! To them I just said that I am
having the surgery to help with life-threatening health conditions caused
and aggravated by my weight, NOT for a personal body image problem.
Granted, I was a "lightweight" at 236.5, but I still didn't have
real issues with how I looked. For me, this journey has been all about
curing my diabetes and high blood pressure (which I have accomplished), NOT
to look good in a size 6 or whatever. Once I explained that to people,
they tended to back off. And I am a Medical Librarian so they knew I had
thoroughly researched things before I committed. And I told my family that
I had just as great of chance of dying in an auto accident as I did from
this surgery! At lease I was doing something PROactive to try to improve
my life! If you are really committed, it won't matter WHAT anyone says!
Go for it!!
— Carolyn I.
November 4, 2002
I, too, was one of those people who didn't think I was "fat
enough" for WLS. I was over 400 lbs., but thought WLS was for people
600+ lbs. who were basically shut-ins. Come to find out many doctors won't
even perform the surgery on someone over 400 lbs.!!! The surgery is ideal
for people 300-400 lbs. who are considered "morbidly obese" but
are not so obese that they are a high surgery risk.
— Terissa R.
November 4, 2002
Y'know, when I went into surgery at 255lbs, I was WISHING that people would
tell me I wasn't fat enough. Anyway, I am sure everyone means well, but
you are empowered to tell them (in a nice way) to buzz off...good luck!
— rebeccamayhew
November 4, 2002
I told them insurance wouldn't pay for it if it didn't improve my health
and I meet the qualifications. I also told them that it has a 96% success
rate whereas 94% of the people who diet and loose 100 pounds regain their
lost weight.
— Candace F.
November 5, 2002
Michelle- so funny. I totally agree with your comparison. Funny thing is,
my hair is all that and more too. The things I do it; much to the dismay
of peers. Whatever! It's my hair, my body.
— Karen R.
November 5, 2002
Your BMI is 48-that is definitely fat enough. If you have co-morbidities,
like diabetes, tell them this surgery will save your life and put your
disease into remission, to include reducing the amount of medications you
take. If you don't have these diseases, like high blood pressure and
diabetes, you soon will. Also, have them visit this site and show them the
thousands of before and after picture, many of women who started out at the
same weight as you. And if you have a support group in your area, take
them along and let them listen to the group of satisfied customers. Bottom
line-your decision. Without it, you will not lose and keep it off, at
least not if your the 95+% that statistics show can't keep it off.
— Cindy R.
November 5, 2002
Ask your family this; If you had heart problems would they approve of heart
surgery? I bet they would insist on it. Or knee surgery for bad knees or
any other problem that can be helped w/ surgery. It's no different w/ WLS.
Good luck to you!
— SGAMEL51772
November 5, 2002
"Well then fatten me up. Pass the donuts." I think they'll get
your point. This is your decision.
— Goldilauxx B.
November 5, 2002
My daughter wanted me to try another diet. I told her I would have that
engraved on my tombstone. She said, okay I get it. Sounds cold, but true.
— Tricia J.
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