Question:
Need Advice on how to tell a very good male friend of mine about surgery.
I have a very good male friend of mine who I have known for almost 6 years and I haven't told him about my decision to have surgery. He doesn't seem to have of problem with my weight and he's always telling me how beautiful I am. I'm nervous and kind of scared of what his reaction, if any will be. I don't want him to be angry at me and I don't want to lose him. I just wanted to know if anyone else had this situation come up and if so how you handle it. Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. — Shannon S. (posted on July 11, 2002)
July 10, 2002
Dear Shannon: Sharing this decision with those we care about is never
easy, because most times, we are sharing with people whose opinions matter
tremendously to us. If you read your question again, your answer is there.
:) If he cares about you regardless of your weight, I imagine he'll be
supportive of your decision. Now, fear is a natural reaction when faced
with news of major surgery, so be prepared for that. When you decide to
tell him, have your ducks in a row as far as your research is concerned and
be prepared to answer questions. And Shannon, I don't say this to hurt
your feelings, but if you 'lose him' over this personal decision to improve
your life, then perhaps he wasn't the friend you thought he was? This is
not an easy thing for you to do, telling him, and I truly wish you all the
best. ~Peace
— Joscelin
July 11, 2002
Hi Shannon,
I had to share. I had a very similar situation and I'll never forget the
outcome. I have a friend that has always loved me for me. One of the few
that never seeemd to care about my obeisty. When I told him about the
surgery I was afraid he would think I was crazy. His reaction was my
favoite of any I have recieved. I told him what I was up to and he thought
for awhile and then he leaned back and said. I think it will be fun to
watch you after this surgery. The thing is, I have always known that you
are beautiful, only now, you will know it too. I still love that one. Tell
him. If he is your friend he will support you. He may be afraid and
worried, but I bet he is ok with all of this. People really are amazing
when it comes to supporting those that they love. Good luck. I hope it goes
well.
Tracey
— Tracey L.
July 11, 2002
Every situation is soooo different. I've had friends who are excited and
some who are not. My close male friend called me the next day and said,
"You know you seem so committed to doing what's right after this
surgery. Have you ever considered using that same commitment and applying
it to a diet?" Wow! I would have never have thought of that one on
my own! Lucky for him I easily forgive.......Nelly
— Nell C.
July 11, 2002
I think your male friend would be so excited about your decision. Don't be
afraid to tell him. What you could do is meet hime for lunch or dinner and
bring a brochure about the surgery. Be sure to tell him how you've
researched this and feel very comfortable. Good luck!
— dolphins94
July 11, 2002
Sweetie if he loves you he will support your every step trust me. I just
found out that am approved for surgery and I got lots of hugs from my
friends who know me so well that this is proberly going to change my life
the way I act and how I carry myself. It will change yours too! Hopefully
he is supportive and will be there on your journey.
— sheri B.
July 11, 2002
Sweetie if he loves you he will support your every step trust me. I just
found out that am approved for surgery and I got lots of hugs from my
friends who know me so well that this is proberly going to change my life
the way I act and how I carry myself. It will change yours too! Hopefully
he is supportive and will be there on your journey.
— sheri B.
July 11, 2002
I know how you feel Shannon. I went through the same thing. Except I have 2
good male friends. One was a little upset because he is deathly afraid of
surgeries. But after a while when I saw how much I was looking into this
and how much I wanted this, he stands behind me now, loving my
determination. My other male friend thinks I am beautiful just the way I
am. He said I dont need to lose weight, then again he's never been 367
lbs!! For some odd reason he thinks once I lose weight I will change. And
I have to keep reminding him that the only thing about me that will change
is the package I come in, nothing else, I will be the same Shavonne. He
understood after that. Good Luck!
— Shavonne P.
July 11, 2002
Don't delay telling him! Since you are now approved and have a date, it is
important to surround yourself with supporters. Sounds like this guy is
special to you and you have a great bond. If you really don't think you
can tell him face to face, write a heart-felt letter explaining things to
him. Good luck!
— Sue H.
July 11, 2002
I understand your concern. I was the same way. I don't have a date yet
but I when I decided to have RNY I was afraid to tell my friend. He always
told me I was beautiful and he never had a problem with my weight. I was
soo nervous when I told him. But you know what, he was fantastic about it.
He told me that if it would make me happy then it would make him happy. He
said that he didn't see a problem with me but if I needed the surgery then
he would stand by me 100%. Trust your friend. I know he must truly care
for you and if he does then he will stand by you through this! My prayers
are with you!
— Rebekah A.
July 12, 2002
Better telling them you had WLS and healthy than telling them about all the
co morbities killing you. Its all a matter of your viewpoint...
— bob-haller
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