Question:
"Goodbye" letters....

I wanted some insight to the "goodbye" letters we are to write. Has everyone written them before surgery? I am so confident that I will come out just fine...but should I be fair and write letters anyway? Such a sad thing to do huh?    — candymarie3 (posted on December 6, 2005)

December 6, 2005
i'm not sure of which goodby you are referring to..but the only goodby is goodby ole me hello New.I have not made the journey yet but when i do it will be to life and that more abountedly. to much disapointment and discouragment on this side[ob]. so look for joy peace and happiness, ... and if its the other what can we do as long ad i'v got it settled withthe man upstairs , its going to be alright. either way , we are going to make it. this is a journey, lets make it, just as others before us have.hugs........
   — peace

December 6, 2005
Well.. I would think this would be appropriate in an attachment to a will. It never occurred to me that I would have to say goodbye. Do what ever you feel is appropriate for your situation.
   — shoutjoy

December 6, 2005
I wrote a letter to my husband, mom and sister in the event I did not wake up from my surgery 3 years ago. The letters detailed my reasons for chosing this surgery and telling them how much they each meant to me. I felt that I would wake up fine, but I wanted to leave a letter just in case to give my loved ones peace if the worst happened. I wrote the letters for my loved ones sake, not mine. A week after I was home from the hospital recovering I shreaded them. I hope this helps.
   — ckreh

December 6, 2005
I wrote a letter to my husband, reminding him of what a great person he is and how proud I am of him so he could read it whenever he was feeling down and know that he is loved. I put it with my will. After my surgery, I gave it to him anyway. You should take every opportunity to tell the people that you love how special they are. He will always have that reminder now.
   — carlaplank

December 6, 2005
I will write letters to my family and friends telling them what they mean to me and how much I love them. I do this not because I don't think I'll make it through surgery, ( know I'll wake up from that fine) I do it because it's the first couple of months after surgery that scares me. I am high risk for blood clots and other complications so I won't take any chances. I refuse to leave this earth without expressing my complete love to everyone I care for. After a couple months I will happily put the letters away and continue to get smaller and healthier. I might get them out after 2 years and re-read them, then go do a happy-to-be-alive cartwheel in my front yard wearing my little cut-off shorts and tee shirt. LOL. Good luck with your surgery! Sandy~Diamond in the Rough
   — Sandy~Diamond

December 6, 2005
It never crossed my mind. I was trying to focus on the positive rather than the possible negative. But if it is important to you, do it. I do agree with a previous poster that you can never express your love too often. You should also consider writing a letter to yourself, too, to be opened in 2, 5, 10 years. :) Good luck to you.
   — Jeanie

December 6, 2005
Wow, reading this question took me back to April 2004. I wrote letters to my sisters, brother, parents, husband and 2 sweet little boys (2and6years old at the time). For me, I had to make sure that my boys understood why I decided to take the chance of death with this surgery. It was the hardest thing I've EVER had to do, but I knew if I couldn't justify it to them, then it wasn't the right thing for me to do. I also talked to them about the fine boys they are now and my hopes for their future in terms of spirit and treating each other and themselves well. I've got a lump in my throat writing this to you. It was so hard, but I had to do it...then I moved on to all positive thoughts. And I'm so happy to be here to tell you about it! Best wishes!
   — Rachelq

December 6, 2005
I wrote some letters, and told my surgeon the morning of surgery where they were hid. Got him to promise to tell jen my wife if I didnt make it. About a month after surgery, I got rd of them. Heck that was well over 4 years ago. Incidently few die during the actual surgery, its actually hard to get dead with all that high tech equiptement during surgery. most die from complications afterward. WLS was the BEST decision I EVER made!
   — bob-haller

December 7, 2005
I have never heard of anyone writing goodbye letters and burst into tears when i read that post..The thought never occurred to me before, I am so sad thinking about it, but it seems like a good idea. It would be a way of letting my children know that i was trying to be better for them and not selfish. Wow this is gonna be harder than i thought. Good luck with yours, as for me , I will be thinking hard on how to write mine now... Good luck and Godspeed.
   — allyson1211

December 7, 2005
Hi I wrote letters to my 3 boys and my husband. It was the hardest thing I ever done. I cryed the whole time writin them. I am now 6 weeks post up and everything is going good. I still have the letters. I just am not ready to throw them away yet. It was very hard to write them it took me weeks to get them done. I have them put away now. I chose to write them because I wanted my children to understand just in case. Good luck to you I know its hard Best wishes
   — Mary T.

December 7, 2005
I wrote letters and also did a video for my family. I am very happy to say I'm almost one year out (12/17/05 is my anniversary of my new life) and doing well. I did the letters/videos to my family/children letting them know why I had the surgery, what they meant to me and my wishes for their lives without me should I not be there for them. It wasn't morbid, it was upbeat letting them know how proud I was of them, how they made me a better person for being in their lives, what I wanted for their futures and why I made this decision. I still have them and maybe one day I will share them, but they gave me an inner peace as I was going into surgery. Most people survive the surgery, it is the complications afterwards that are hard for many. I would do whatever you have in your heart and what you think you're family want.
   — jenniferw

December 7, 2005
I wrote letters to my parents, siblings and boyfriend. It was really tough, because it definitely puts you in a not so fun mental place. But it was important for me to do it. I had my surgery June 2001. I never showed anyone those letters, and I did get rid of them afterwards. I just had a revision on Oct 28th 2005. It was an emergency revision, due to a perforated ulcer, so obviously there was no time to write letters. I would have though, if I had the chance. Do what is right for you.
   — erica74

December 8, 2005
I would never have even thought of doing that! Chooose a doctor with an excellent survival rate, and go into surgery with your spirit positive. Just ask everyone for their prayers, and tell them you love them. To me, writing goodbye letters seems like it would be depressing and counter-productive, but if it makes you feel better, than do it!
   — Novashannon

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