Question:
I do not want anyone besides my husband and son to know that I am having the surgery

It's not that I am ashamed but too many people have too many opinions to offer and I don't want to hear it. I have researched this for along time and I am a 42 year old woman and I do not want to be lectured. I want to know some realistic reason I can give to the people that I come in contact with as to what type of surgery I had. I already had my gallbladder removed in 1985. How about estensive hernia surgery? What do you all think? I can sure use your help. My surgery is scheduled for June 21st with Dr. Robert Brolin, one of the best around. Thanks everyone!    — Mary Ann B. (posted on April 17, 2001)

April 17, 2001
You know. I have shared the specifics with so few people (my parents, my sister, my husband and my son) and I haven't had to "explain" to others. I explained to these individuals that if I chose to share with others in the future it would be my decision but that for now I believed it was a personal issue and one I wanted to keep personal. At work I've told several people that I'm having surgery and how long I'll be out. A couple have indicated that they hope it isn't serious and I've simply replied that it is surgery and thatI really didn't want to discuss the specifics at this time. One very concerned co-worker seemed to press the issue and I simply replied that I would appreciate her prayers and thanked her for being concerned - end of issue. I don't believe that we are obligated to share more than we want to with anyone. I also will not be pressured into telling lies or half-truths to "satisfy" others. It is my body, my surgery, my "issue" and I chose to handle it personally - end of story. Best wishes to you - I pray that your husband and son will best the best support and encouragement you could possibly have in the days ahead!
   — Donda B.

April 17, 2001
Mary Ann-I know exactly how you feel. I did'nt really want anyone to know either that I have had to take such drastic measures to overcome my weight problem. It's an embarrasment, but being overweight is a bigger one--it's out there for everyone to see! I finally made a decision to tell those who ask why I'm having surgery the truth, but not running around everywhere telling everyone. And, you know, I felt good about telling them (my co-workers), then I didn't have to make excuses for the medical time off or hushed phone calls at work. Best of luck.
   — Terry A.

April 17, 2001
I can relate. I am pre-op, but I am telling people, mostly because I believe openess cuts gossips off at their knees. One way of handling it with someone who is particularly obnoxious and point blank asks if you had your stomach stapled is to say, "Why do you ask? HAVE YOU?"
   — Nancy G.

April 17, 2001
At first I felt the same way....then little by little I have branched out who I told...first my hubby, daughter & best friend (who as I told, told me that she had same done 17 years ago)....then expecting very negative response..I told my father...and surprise...He was supportive...then my neighbor...who informed me that one of her dental patients had the surgery two months prior...the more I told..the larger my support system became...One of the executives in my company..told me her sister had the surgery 14 months ago..and so on and so on....I know there are a LOT of anal people out there....so I understand...I would tell them that you are having adominal surgery...and leave it at that...Good Luck & you will be in my thoughts!! Karan
   — chance2lv

April 17, 2001
MaryAnn, This was a big thing for me also. I chose to tell my family and my best friend only and am glad I did. I am 2 1/2 months post-op and every time my family talkes to me they ask how much weight I have lost. I can't emagine everyone asking this. It would wear me down. I have lost 60 pounds now and I just want it all off now. There was a week when I only lost a pound and I paniced. I have failed at every diet in the world and I just new I was going to be the only one this didn't work for. I don't want to relay to everyone how I failed so I just kept it to me, God, and only close family. I had a hiatle hernia and some ulcers and told people that I went in to have them repaired. Sure it was only half the truth but maybe later when I feel I've been successful at something I'll tell others. By the way I have lost 60pounds in 2 1/2 months and no one has noticed I've lost weight. I can't emagine what the gossip would be if they all knew. Probably how I've failed and I don't need that kind of support. Good luck with your decision.
   — Holly D.