Question:
More......What do I say to my daughter ?

I forgot to add the most important part of my daughter's statement to the question before this. She said: "Mom I will never forgive you if you insist on loosing wt this way and then you DIE as a result of the surgery!!" Again, what do I say? How do I handle this?    — kathy S. (posted on June 16, 2000)

June 16, 2000
True, you could try again to lose it naturally- but what do you want? It is not your daughter's health and welfare we are speaking of here. It is what you want. Your daughter's fear could be her lack of knowledge on this surgery and it's statistics (and the benefit it may bring to your life, not to mention prolonging your life for YOURS and HER enjoyment too.) Not trying to be rude to your daughter or to you, but ask her if she would never forgive you if you died from one of your co-mordibities? I feel we must live each day as if it were our last (and I am not talking about going out and bungie jumping because you never have). I am just saying that I could very well get on a plane and die tomorrow, or a car crash or some freak of nature may happen and BAM, I am gone. Why live in fear of death for the rest of your life? Because we never know when we are going to go. After reading the statistics of life loss for this surgery, I would bet that you have a better chance at a shark attack, that you do losing your life. This surgery is a big decision, and it has to be made by you. Unless someone has walked a mile in your shoes, is it fair for them to make the rules?
   — Karen R.

June 17, 2000
Kathy, I am assuming that you are morbidly obese with at least two or three life-threatening conditions that are a direct result of your weight. You've probably tried every diet out there and somehow the weight keeps coming back. Perhaps your daughter has another solution that could well save your life. If she does, it would be great if she shared it with all the pre-ops that follow this website. I am 57 and my life was in jeopardy on Jan.10, 2000. I had explored all the options and decided to go with WLS on that date. My PCP was against it back then, but just yesterday, he saw me with 110 pounds gone, and he couldn't stop looking at me. He went on and on about how great I looked and how worried he had been when he saw me last. He reminded me that it was winter and I was sweating profusely and out of breath just crossing the room to get up on the examining table. He said my face was very red and puffy and my ankles were badly swollen. I still have about 70-90 lbs to go, but he thought I looked great. What does it matter to anyone if you die 2 weeks from now of a heart attack or die 2 weeks from now from a complication of this surgery? At least, if you die from a complication of WLS, you will have died giving it your best shot, instead of waiting to die from your weight. I have my life back, and I have been living it to the fullest since January. I am at peace with myself for the first time in 30 years. Nobody should be allowed to make a decision of this magnitude for another person. You are the only one who lives in your body; you, alone, should decide how you should live with it. Just tell your daughter you will need her unconditional love and support for whatever decision you make. It's no less than what you would do for her.
   — Louise H.

June 17, 2000
first you start by telling her how very much you love her and you want to be a part of her life for a very long time. The outlook for you being here for her unless you lose the access weight and all that goes with it, chances are slim. In your heart you feel it the worth out weighs the risk.
   — Sherri C.

June 18, 2000
Hi, Ask your daughter would see rather you die from complications of morbid obeseity. Tell her that it is harder to loss weight once you have gotten a certain size and this is the best way to regain control over you situation. And tell her to stop being so negative about the surgery, her negativity is bringing you down. Take care, Dri***
   — Andria S.