Question:
Have family who were unsupportive intially become supportive after surgery?
My family is unsupportive and belives WLS is "too drastic" and is a "easy way" out. They are against my decision and think I should just try yet another diet. Is it likely they will change their minds after seeing that I am having success and getting healthier? I am 27 and have been heavy since chilhood...everyone in my family is obese as well. What gives here? any input? Surgert date 8/12/2003 — E. V. (posted on June 19, 2003)
June 19, 2003
My best friend from the 1970s who is like my dad said I was insane for even
considering WLS. Well he is now my biggest supporter and recomemnds his
daughter have surgery. Presently she can hardly walk from knee troubles
caused by her weight. <P>Invite a post op for dinner someone who has
lost 100 pounds have them tell their story and show their pictures. This
should help change ther mind!
— bob-haller
June 19, 2003
If they truely want you to be happy they will. They might feel that they
have failed you in some way or that perhaps you will "leave" them
after the transformation. We aren't the same as your "real"
family but we are all here for you when you need someone to talk to and a
shoulder to cry on. We will cheer you in your "loss" and
understand if you have a set back. By the way have you ever been tested
for a hormonal inbalance or endocrin system problem? These will pack on
the lbs. and will not get better by dieting alone...am there! Good Luck!
— Angela P.
June 19, 2003
gosh i can soooo relate to this, my family and friends all said not to do
it cuz they were worried about my health and well being. my husband was
the same way but i made my decision and presented it to them and basically
explained they have a choice they can either but out or support me, well
guess what they ended up supporting me and now they are amazed at the
difference a year and half has made with wls....go figure that one out
lol...they will come around when they see your sucess and ever so happy
self doing all the things u always wanted to do that you couldnt before
losing the weight...so with that said good luck to you and show them that
you know what is best for YOU!
— Deanna Wise
June 19, 2003
my family was dreadfully opposed to me having wls. only my daughter (grown
and married) was supportive. my parents thought it was terrible, my sister
was horrified i would even consider such a thing. now they are all happy,
telling people how well i have done, my parents tell them how they support
me and care for me and buy me things i can eat and yada yada. i'm like
"umm, rememeber a few months ago how you ranted about how awful i was
for planning this??" i think they thought if they fussed enouigh i
might change my mind! if i had gotten sick or had complications they would
of been the first ones to say "we never wanted her to do this
anyway!" now that i am doing wonderfully, their selective memories
fail them, i am no longer the poor, sick fat person i was, and they did not
have any say in it. i understand perfectly!!!
— janetc00
June 19, 2003
My mother acted like I was insane when I initially told her about my plans
to have the surgery--I think like so many people she didn't understand the
difference between an RNY and cosmetic surgery. Also, she was concerned
that I would become too thin/anorexic (as I was as a teenager). She came
with me to my first post-op appointment and saw all the before and after
photos and commented that she was reassured to see that most of the
formerly obese people just look "healthy" now, and not gaunt.
Now, she's the biggest supporter of the surgery and told me that when she
sees very obese folks she wishes she could compassionately tell them that
they don't have to live in agony.
I referred her to this stie when I was going through the process and while
reading about potential complications scared her, she got a much more
realistic grasp of the whole journey and what it really means, and was able
to set her mind at ease knowing this wasn't undertaken lightly.
— gamboge
June 19, 2003
My mother was totally against me having WLS. Her reasoning was she thought
I would be unhappy and miss food too much. My mom went to my initial
consult and has been my support system since. She still asks me a lot of
questions about it and I think that if she was not so afraid she would have
it done herself. - Marcy
— Marcy S.
June 20, 2003
Feedback like you've received is one of the main reasons why I told very
few people about my wls. I'd made up my mind that I was doing this *for
me* for *my* health, and that this was the *best choice* for my situation.
I just had to make up my mind to not care what anyone else thought (a hard
thing for me), so I didn't even tell them. Now, naturally, my dad (and
immediate fam) did know, and he thought wls was way drastic for me. I
admit, that did give me pause, but I stuck to my guns. Now (8 mos post
op), my dad gives me plenty of compliments on how I look and how much
better I act (by that he means he thinks I move easier, have more energy,
act like I physically feel better, all of which I do). All this to say
that I know it's so hard to deal with negative feedback from those you
love, but I encourage you to make the best decision for you, whether that
means having surgery or not. You shouldn't base your decision on pleasing
others, but on improving your health & lifestyle--after all, you're the
one who'll have to live with the results. Good luck to you.
— Laurie A.
June 20, 2003
Almost everyone I told was against me having it and wanted me to try Weight
watchers "one more time". I didn't tell anyone until I'd fully
researched it and had my mind made up so that made it easier. I also
didn't feel the need to defend myself for having it.
Now those obese that were against it are all asking me for my surgeons
name. Family members are all marvelling at the 170 pounds I've lost.
Friends who didn't want me to have it for fear I might look better than
them (sad but true) tell me I look good but are reserved with their
compliments. Do what's right for you and those who love you will fall in
line. Parents who didn't want me to have it but knew better than to say it
out loud are now my biggest supporters. I did give my mom a copy of Barb
Thompson's book to read while I was having my surgery. That helped a lot.
— Kimberly L.
June 20, 2003
My father was totally against it, in fact we had such a horrible argument
about it, and did not talk for several weeks afterwards. My mother was
concerned, and my siblings were all supportive. Now that my father can see
how this surgery has affected me in positive ways, he apologized and said
that he was glad that I had it done. Needless to say I cried, still a
Daddys girl at 39 :-) LOL
— Paula R.
June 20, 2003
Oh I can relate to this, My family was the same way my Husband was not
supportive at all and his side of the family was shocked and outraged about
me having this surgery, Im only 23 and Im 5'9" so I don't look as big
as I am but they all thought I was crazy, until I had the surgery and came
thru it fine and started loosing the weight. Im now 10 weeks post-op and
have lost 60 pounds and feeling so much better now and they can see it so
now there very excited for me and very happy that I had this surgery. I
think so people are just worried something might happen to us with the
surgery or that we will loss the weight and want a new life and leave, or
that we will look better than them (I know it sad but true so far I have
had two family members tell me if I get smaller than them they will have to
go on a diet). I just know I had to do what was best for me and it was
having this surgery, and don't worry they will soon come around and support
you. Good Luck and see you one the loosing side soon. Teena
— Teena P.
June 20, 2003
I am SOOOO sick of people being unsupportive and/or thinking this is the
easy way out. This is as much the easy way out as amputating a diabetic's
leg is the easy way out. We have a deadly disease. Because your family is
close-minded and selfish please do not let it prevent you from doing what
is right for you!
Best wishes!
— Diane S.
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