Question:
How many have been told.....
<font color=red>It seems like everyone in my family that I have told (and I've only told my immedate family), they are all saying...."I don't like this idea", or "can't you just diet and exercise?"....and they all have said "I don't agree with this...you're just taking the easy way out". Then, they proceed with the "nothing is easy" explanation and give advice on how I should try to diet and excercise. I've truly tried everything and every diet there is available. I can't stop the feeling of hunger. It has taken over my life. I've explained this to my family, but I just don't know how to tell them that this truly is not the easy way out. Is anyone else getting this line of comments from your family and/or friends?</font> — rhonda2u (posted on March 26, 2002)
March 26, 2002
I have been lucky because my family is very supportive, it is my friends
however that feel the same way your family/friends do. My family is all
overweight, so they understand and want me to be happy. My friends, on the
other hand are all 100 pounds. I just explain to them that it isn;t the
easy way out, this surgery is a very serious thing, and that dieting is not
so easy. maybe it is for them who only have 10 pound to lose... I tried
soo many diets just as you did, even did hypnosis, but obesity is a
disease. Those who have not been heavy do not know what it is like. Try
just saying that "i know you love me, and if you want me to be happy
and healthy and live longer, you don't have to AGREE with the surgery, but
you should atleast SUPPORT me." Hope this helps a little bit.
Goodluck and don't give up.
— Lezlie Y.
March 26, 2002
Sometimes you not having surgery is the easy way out for our family. They
don't have to worry about you. They don't have to have to feel guilty if
anything goes wrong. My husband panicked when I first told him. I then
explained I wasn't doing this for him and ultimatley it wasn't his decsion
to make. I am doing this for me. I want to ride a bike, walk without
breathing heavy, go to the theatre. I want to live life to its fullest. If
I continue at this weight I will be a prisoner forever in my own body. That
is not quality life. The decsion is yours and yours alone. I would tell
your family and freinds that you don't want their opinion, you have made up
your mind. You just want their support and love.
— Lee Ann H.
March 26, 2002
Most of the people which I know are very supportive. This includes my
friends and family. I have run into 2 different people that did not agree
with WLS. My reply to them is
1. Obesity is a diease.
2. I have this diease.
3. If I had cancer , got an operation and was cured would you not agree
with tha surgery
They didn't have much to say after that.
Good Luck
— Robert L.
March 26, 2002
I was 54 years old when I had the operation. My mother was fuming ANGRY
that I was having this done. She thought I'd never stop losing weight and
wouldn't "mind" the doctor because I'm so stubborn. I could
hardly wait to get on the operating table -- she though I was nuts! She
told me I could die...I told her I'd rather BE dead than fat. Well, wrong
thing to say! I had the operation, I've lost weight, I didn't have any
problems other than learning what I couldn't eat at the beginning. She can
see that I really AM following the doctor's orders and I am not going to be
anorexic and die. My best friend wanted me to diet and exercise for 6 mos.
to see if I could lose weight. HA! If I hadn't lost weight in 6 years, I'm
not going to lose weight in 6 months. After a while I didn't care WHO was
upset that I was having the operation. I was excited about it and continued
to tell everyone ... and still do. RNY open, 1/8/01, minus 105 lbs.
— Betty Todd
March 26, 2002
My family's first response was concern....the dangers of surgery, the
complications of this surgery in particular, the life changing aspects and
the possiblility of death. But the fact is that we all die sometime and
unless I have this surgery, I will die never having truly lived. I have
always been obese. An obese child, now an obese adult. And while I have
beautiful memories and have enjoyed some things very much, everything that
I've done, or tried to do has been tainted by my weight. My joy has been
shadowed by feelings of doubt, worries about how others were veiwing me,
shame of 'literally' not fitting in. I have heard the suggestions of
"why don't you..." or "when I lost that 30 lbs..." But
noone ever stops to consider losing 200 lbs. Not if they've never weighed
above 150. There is nothing easy in life. Everything is eventually paid
for in some way. And I feel that I've already paid to have this surgery
with all those feelings of self-doubt, shame, depression, anxiety and low
self-esteem. And that was all paid the HARD way. So, when someone utters
those words, "...the easy way..." I just smile and let it roll
off my back like water off a duck....I know the truth and that's all that
matters.
— Wendy C.
March 26, 2002
All I can say is: This is the HARDEST d**n thing I've ever done in my
life. Literally - I have never been through such an emotional roller
coaster while knowing in my heart and soul that it's the very best way to
possibly give me my life back. It feels like the toss between good and
evil. The mind games that occur - getting prepared for any type of surgery
is nerve wrecking but re-routing is a whole different ballgame. If one
single person says to me that I took the easy way out, I think I'm going to
have to slap them. If they truly believe that statement - they're
uneducated to the entire process. WLS is not a magical tool - look at all
the patients who talk of no weight loss or still being able to eat whatever
they want to - it's not magical...it's a tool but not magical. We've got
to work the program...anything can be sabotaged. Know what you know what
you know, girlfriend ~ your heart will lead your way.
— Lisa J.
March 26, 2002
Don't concern yourself too much with this. I was told the same thing by my
first surgeon yesterday. He told me that I needed to eat less and excersize
more if I wanted to be thin. Like this has never crossed my mind before!!!
So, if an educated man, surgeon even, can be so ignorant to the tool of
WLS, don't hold it against your family too much. Only you truly know how
hard you have tried with every other diet and excersize program. I turned
my original hurt into determination to prove him wrong. I am going to find
another surgeon to do this somehow. Don't give up.
— Wendyrvp
March 26, 2002
Yes I get that too. At first it was most of them. One sister is all for it.
They are all thin. My mother was "worried" although she has never
weighed more than 111 pregnant and wet. She has come around. She's read
phamplets and watched videos. But one sister who is a exercise nut and my
mothers husband just don't get it. Why can't you diet and work out. Well I
can but it doesn't get the same results for me as them. I just tell them if
they don't have a nice or helpful comment, or a real question about the
procedure then just keep your opinions to yourselves. Period..... This is
for me, not them or anybody else. Just think of it that way. This is for
you, to make your life easier for you not them. Plus I won't be the fat one
anymore!!! Don't worry be happy, and be a loser!
— Laura E.
March 26, 2002
I HATE hearing this comment from people. Are those same people overweight?
Have they ever been morbidly obese? If not, TELL THEM THAT!!! I had a
friend tell me I should exercise more and watch what I eat. I asked him if
he had ever been 40 pounds overweight. He told me no. I then told him,
I'm 3 times heavier then that so how can YOU tell me what will work since
you've never walked a mile in my shoes? It shut him up immediately. Since
the surgery, he has told me that obviously this has worked and was probably
the best decision I made. It is NOT an easy way out. Who WANTS to go in
for MAJOR surgery that will change the way you eat for the REST of your
LIFE?? However, if you've tried every other alternative and it still
doesn't work, this was the last hope. This wasn't easy. He saw me the day
after surgery and called me while I was off work. The first 2 months were
HELL. I had nausea daily and was exhausted. Then everything turned around
for me and I started feeling normal. This is not easy and still requires
DAILY monitoring of your diet and you MUST exercise!! This is MUCH harder
then just losing weight. You must be on special vitamins for the REST of
your LIFE. How many people are willing to make that kind of a commitment
for the REST of your life?? Very few. The surgery is only a tool to help
you. YOU must also take responsibility and do things to help the weight
loss. People who know nothing about this need to understand that. And
trust me, I TELL them!!!!!!! Good luck!!
— Patty H.
March 26, 2002
LOL Be careful asking this question; you might overload the database! You
know, when I decided to have WLS, A few people started to say some of these
things. I stopped 'em with a look. The only ones that really p'd me off
were the pre op nurses. I went off on them, and the anesthesiologist
grinned and said ok, ok goodnight ladies before he gave me the happy juice.
LOL I think he was afraid I was going to come up off the table. This is not
easy, and takes a lot of courage to go through, and to live with the life
changes afterwards. Hang in there, and tell 'em you've got a BIIIIGGG
support group who'd be happy to tallk to em !!!! ; ) Donna in AL
— Donna S. C.
March 27, 2002
— Tally
March 27, 2002
When I first told my parents and my sister, my mother and sis were all for
it. They trusted that I'd done the research and that I knew what I was
getting into. My dad on the other hand wouldn't hear anything about it.
He didn't want me to even think about it. Last week my parents joined me
for an info session with a local surgeon and now even my mom is considering
it. Dad says it's not for him, but he'll support me. I think all it took
was a little education. I told my (skinny) boyfriend and I don't think he
quite "got it." He just said it looked kinda scary when I showed
him the diagrams. I think his problem is that he's happy with the way I am
now, but I know I'm not happy. I haven't told any other friends. I am
going to wait until I get all approved and I'm ready to go to the hospital,
that way they will either have to support me or get out of my way and I
won't have time to listen to all the reasons that I should do this.
— Toni C.
March 27, 2002
For people who've never battled the weight, it's hard for them to
understand what we're going through. Everyone in my family other than my
sister, who's never had to watch her weight, was all for me having the
surgery. She said her concern was how drastic it is. I reassured her
everything would be fine. She's excited seeing the new me and now we're in
competition. Don't let family members try to talk you out of it. If you
feel this is the last resort, then do it. Take someone along with you for
your appointment. Let them ask the doctor all their questions and
concerns.
— dolphins94
March 27, 2002
When I first thought about surgery my family really didn't want me to do
it, but they were just afraid for me. They still supported me and stayed
by my side every step of the way. My best friend is the only one who has
said anything about "the easy way out", but she was only joking
because I am almost her size, and she knows that it isn't really the easy
way out. After the surgery at first it was anything but easy, but it is
the best thing that I have ever done and don't have any regrets. Just let
your family know that you HAVE tried EVERYTHING and nothing has worked and
that you need or would like their support. I hope everything goes OK for
you and that your family comes around.
GOOD LUCK
— Bethany F.
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