Question:
I'm thin now; so what?
I'm in my forties and had the surgery a year ago. All the fat came off, and I thought I'd be thrilled. I'm not. Nor am I more outgoing or willing to try new things. Instead, I fight the thought, "Fat or thin, I'm old." When I saw the recent CBS report about the 21-year-old who backed out of revision surgery at 310 pounds, I wanted to yell at the television screen, "Get the rest of that fat off now, or you'll have regrets like mine in twenty years." Has anyone else had such feelings? — [Anonymous] (posted on January 27, 2002)
January 27, 2002
I'm 52 , I was 50 when I had the surgery. I don't feel old , I don't think
of myself as old. I always was a pretty lively person , the old " fat
people are jolly" thing I guess. Now I am pretty selective as to who
I"entertain" and I know my size is not the joke.I love to read ,
I can't wait to turn the page and see what happens next , that is pretty
much how I view my life! As far as that WLS program , I too wanted to tell
her do it! But that is not my place to tell anyone what to do with there
bodies as far as more surgery goes. But I also fight the urge to tell
strangers you don't have to live like that , riding in a cart , or
wheelchair , huffing and puffing when they walk. But I want to keep my
teeth in my mouth , not on the floor! So I say nothing and try to be
tolerent and understanding , I was once like them. And who knows what the
future brings. Anyway , NO I DON"T FEEL OLD!!!!
— Rose A.
January 27, 2002
Awwww hon, you sound so much like me. I know that you are going to get
answers saying that you should be happy that you are more healthy and I am
sure that you are. But that's not the point right? Somehow in all our 40
years of wisdom, we expected life to change more than it did. You're
thinner now but still have the same life, same problems and same
personality. I agree with you whole heartedly. Nothing in my life really
"changed" compared to what I expected although, if I am honest, I
am not even sure what I expected. So many people tell of such differences
in their lives and that's wonderful. Yes, there are differences in my life
both good and bad now also. I'm alot more flexible physically and can do
more without heaving heavy breaths. I also, at 43, LOOK 43 now. The
weight made me look younger so now, after thinking that everyone would say
WOW you look so good, they say, WOW you look so thin but I can see it on
their faces that I look older now and they don't want to say it. I don't
have the fat to contend with now but I do have the saggy skin everywhere.
At 20, I doubt that I would have had as much. I "can" tell you
however, that I am 3 years out now and the skin does get alittle better
with time. Not terrific but better. I can't color my hair because I have
a problem with very dry skin, scalp etc so that just adds to the age thing.
I wanted you to know that you are NOT alone. There is at least one other
person who understands this frustration completely. We are not ungrateful
for all that might answer this question also, we are just alittle let down
from our high expectations. For all those preop, I dare say, don't think
that this will change you emotionally nor in your basic personality. It
helps physically and that is why you should be doing it if you choose to.
As I said, I am not even sure what I expected because I had never been thin
before, but I was sure that the life was sooo much better there. It's
basically the same but thinner and more accepted by society. It's your
health you should be doing this for but in my situation, even that didn't
work out like I had planned. By the way writer, this also seems to have
precipitated menopause because within 6 months after surgery, I started
that too..maybe a coincidence but weird anyway. (that was just an
afterthought).
— Barbara H.
January 27, 2002
Please consider getting some counseling. It sounds very much like you are
clinically depressed. Ask your PCP for a referral and see about getting on
some anti-depressants. They can help tremendously, especially with a
therapist who is also good. Don't know where you live, but if you are near
a major city, look in the phone book to see if you can find someone who
specializes in eating disorders. They are very experienced in dealing with
body images and matters relating to food. Good luck and please post back
and let us know how you are doing.
— garw
January 27, 2002
I'm the previous poster. Please feel free to email me if you would like to
talk.
— garw
January 27, 2002
I am 43 and feel terrifc!!!!!! But even as a FAT person, I was happy (
except for my weight) now that that is diminishing, I feel even better. I.
like others think you may need a little help. Maybe a church group, school
volunteer, etc. Giving back always makes one feel great.
— [Anonymous]
January 27, 2002
I've never feel sorry for myself. No matter how fat I am. You shouldn't
either. You are a miraculous person for not only considering having this
surgery, but for DOING it. 80 is old. And when I'm 80, 120 will be old.
Get how that works? Look in the mirror, smack yourself a few times and
WAKE UP. You are so much healthier than you were before. You can do so
much more than you used to be able to. GET OUT THERE AND DO IT.
Otherwise, order some dip for your pity party and keep believing you're too
old.
— Goldilauxx B.
January 27, 2002
You must be kidding! You have lost all your weight. You have won! It
doesn't matter if you are 20 or 60+ years old, you still won. I just want
to say that you have been given a new chance at life. So many people never
get that chance but you have it. I know it is hard, but get out there and
live your life. It's not over. In fact, it is just starting! I want you to
realize what you have. Do something fun like go on vacation, go shopping
for new clothes, get a facial, joint a club. Just get out there and
celebrate this new life of yours. Good luck and Congrats.
— Sarah K.
January 27, 2002
You're not old! I wish you'd seen an Oprah episode on recently. It was
about women in their 40/50's who had dropped their old life and just picked
up something new. One lady was an elementary teacher and she worked her way
up to being the CEO of the New York Times. Another became a writer, one was
a big CEO and quit to be with her family... etc. etc. You have your whole
life ahead of yourself and can do anything you want to. Stop focusing on
age, and focus on activity. As for anti-depressants as someone posted
below, please don't. People in this country are so quick to pass out pills
anytime someone isn't smiling. YOU CAN DO THIS. You have worked so hard and
come so far, don't give up now! :) Good Luck!
— [Anonymous]
January 27, 2002
It sounds like you are ungrateful for the chance you have been given. My
guess is that you are the same person before the weight loss. I have a
hard time understanding those who are always so negative. I always looked
at the postitive aspects of my life, even when I was huge, uncomfortable
and in pain. I don't understand when everyone whines and complains when
they hit a plateau, they are being so negative. There are SO MANY on
anti-depressants that its depressing. People need to wake up and get real.
Be thankful for every moment of your life. The good Lord above has
blessed each and every one of us if we just take the time to be thankful
for the MANY blessings. There are many worse off than you, and they are
thankful for a morsel of food, or a living sibling. Be THANKFUL that you
are in your 40's, what a great and wise age to be, but it is what YOU make
of it. Get well.
— [Anonymous]
January 27, 2002
So you are in your 40s now. I think of my mother before she died at 83,
and she was continuing to grow and evolve. She was very youthful, and had
a youthful attitude. She was always ready to try something new. If you're
blue, seek help. I did and I don't regret a moment of it. I am 57 now (I
had surgery in September). I'm learning new stuff all the time. Will I be
old? I don't think so. I'll be older, but I'm older every second I'm
alive. And I thank God for it. Chin up! Live is good, so much better
than before! Margie B
— Marjorie B.
January 27, 2002
The only person who can help you is YOU. Do you go to your support group
meetings? If not, by all means, GO! If you do, maybe you need to reach
out to others and start making some good connections to others who have
gone through the same experiences. So you're in your 40s, so what?? You
should be thankful that you're still young! Age is only a number and a
state of mind! Get out there and start living the life you always
envisioned yourself living once you got healthier! DO IT!! You're wasting
time, and that's what you seemed to think that 21 year-old was doing!
Don't let another second go by, or you may find yourself needing a revision
to your surgery. The depression will catch up to you and you may go back
to your old eating habits. Please don't let that happen!!!
— [Anonymous]
January 27, 2002
Dear anonymous. Just to educate you a little about depression. Telling a
depressed person not to be depressed. is like telling a MO person to just
diet and exercise. Do you think people chose to be negative and depressed
anymore than they chose to be obese. I am ashamed to hear what you are
saying coming from a MO person. Please find it in your heart to understand
and apologize. Maybe even using your name this time.
— faybay
January 27, 2002
Being postitive is a choice. Make the decision every day to look at the
positive side of everything.
— [Anonymous]
January 27, 2002
I don't think you are depressed or ungrateful. You sound really normal to
me. But that's because I'm 46 and occasionally have the same thoughts. I
do tend to think more like, "Damn I wish I had done this years
ago..." But when you think of it our outcomes a few years ago may not
have been as good. Let's face it the surgical procedures and everything
involved are much, much improved. Our chances for survival are much
greater now. I try to think of it as a new starting point. Making the
rest of my life - it would be nice if I had another 30 or 40 years - the
best years of my life. I've been handed a gift and I'm going to think
positively and use it to my advantage. I would suggest that maybe you
need to talk to someone - professional or at the very least a support
group. You need to vent those thoughts. It doesn't help keeping them in.
I think we're fortunate to have this site with all these wonderful people
to bounce our ideas off of.
Continued good luck - and remember - you're not old!!
Michelle*
— Wunderama
January 27, 2002
I'll be 42 this year and I'm 7 weeks out of a revision surgery. Please
seek counseling. It truly sounds as if you are in a depression. We must
be as willing to seek help for our emotional needs as well as our physical.
As for me, I'm already doing things that I had long since given up. I'm
much more outgoing. Please get some help now, before you're 60 and
wondering why the last 20 years were wasted. With much love and
compassion-
— Lisa U.
January 27, 2002
'Look in the mirror, smack yourself a few times and WAKE UP. order some dip
for your pity party and keep believing you're too old.'
'As for anti-depressants as someone posted below, please don't. People in
this country are so quick to pass out pills anytime someone isn't smiling.'
'It sounds like you are ungrateful for the chance you have been given. My
guess is that you are the same person before the weight loss. I have a hard
time understanding those who are always so negative. I always looked at the
postitive aspects of my life, even when I was huge, uncomfortable and in
pain. I don't understand when everyone whines and complains when they hit a
plateau, they are being so negative. There are SO MANY on anti-depressants
that its depressing. People need to wake up and get real.'
'Being postitive is a choice.'
i cant believe that u people had the nerve to say these things to this poor
suffering women!! she is obviously suffering from depression & needs
therapy & YES MEDICATION!! who r u to tell her to 'slap herself &
wake up', not to seek medication therapy, 'to wake up & get real'&
that the amount of medication being prescribed is depressing!!
have u walked in this woman's shoes??? it sounds to me like u have NEVER
been depressed, therefore, u dont know anything about BEING depressed. u
have no right to criticize or advise anyone screaming for help as loud as
this woman is. r u educated in the mental illness of depression?? because
thats what it is!!! AN ILLNESS! just like being morbidly obese is an
illness. just because u cant see it doesnt mean it doesnt exist. how narrow
minded & insensitive u people r. i agree with everything faye said.
this woman doesnt need ur criticism...she needs love, understanding &
help. being positive is NOT a choice. it is the sign of a healthy mind
& body. U all need to GET REAL! u shouldnt be advising anyone on
something u obviously know nothing about. u should be ashamed of urselves.
if u cant say something good, dont say anything at all! dont even think
about attacking me for this post. i have lived with major chronic
depression for the last 4 years & its NOT PRETTY! my medications have
had to be changed periodically due to chemical changes in my brain.
depression is generally caused by chemical changes in the brain. we have no
control over these chemicals. so we need the help of something that does
control them. if u had an infection in ur body would u refuse to take the
antibiotics ur dr prescribed because of the 'amount of antibiotics' being
handed out these days??
to the person who posted this...i beg u! please please please seek help for
urself. u did it for ur morbid obesity & now u need to do it for ur
mental well being. if u would like to 'talk' to me one on one feel free to
email me. i sympathize with u my dear. being depressed is in itself
depressing & excaberates the condition. the negative posters can give u
all the advise they want to AFTER they have walked a mile in ur shoes. god
bless u & watch over u.
— sheryl titone
January 27, 2002
The way I look at it is If I had done this 20 years ago I couldn't have
enjoyed all of the food that I LOVE today. I was active, stayed relatively
healthy, until now. I am a 45 y/o Female. I hope to have this surgery in
June and seriously hope I can say, "I'm thin....AND GETTING
HEALTHY" I think that's the bottom line. If I had done this 20 years
ago, I can't imagine not eating pizza ever friday, or ice creame sundaes
with my family. Or maybe a picnic outing with kids, pets and all. I will
stilll be able to do these things, but not quite with the same flavor(ha,
ha). Enjoy what and who you are now. You are better than ever. Keep your
head up, smile at everyone and BELIEVE you are better because you have a
love for life, and not because you're afraid of losing it. Peace....
— Elizabeth P.
January 27, 2002
You are ONLY AS OLD AS YOU WANT TO BE. I know this sounds like a
cliche'..but it's the truth. I'm 44 years old and 7 weeks post-op from
Open RNY. I've lost 30 lbs so far. The amazing thing is..my arthritic
shoulders aren't nagging at me all the time anymore. This is the longest
stretch I've gone through in YEARS between chiropractor visits for my bad
back.. The edema is nearly gone from my legs... I FEEL YOUNGER EVERY
DAY! I'm fortunate to have a good role model - my mother. She's 73 years
old, weighs about 140 lbs. She had breast cancer 4 years ago. They
removed her left breast and many of her lymph nodes. She had a bone marrow
transplant 6 months after that. After all that this woman has been
through, she STILL goes up and patches her own roof. She STILL splits
firewood WITH AN AXE!! She still turns over dirt for ANOTHER flower bed
WITH A SHOVEL!! The point is.. she IS old.. but has NEVER thought of
herself that way. She knows that it is only by God's Amazing Grace that
she is even on this earth at all now..and makes THE MOST of EVERY day that
she's given.. Who are we to do any different? If you don't try new things
- or gather any new experiences.. you'll only stagnate and whither away.
You'll ask yourself in a very few short years..WHERE did the time go.. and
what did I DO with it?? It's up to you, honey.. Good Luck..and God
Bless..
— Diane E.
January 27, 2002
Hi, I had the surgery 6 months ago on the 30th, and I just turned 29 on the
14th. I've had the same feelings that you do. I could kick myself for
waiting so long, or not looking for the alternatives sooner. I've been MO
since I was 17 and feel I wasted my 20's being fat. But even though I know
that I will never recapture those years, I have to look forward to the rest
of my life and how much I will now enjoy it. You are not old, 85 is old,
you have so much life left to enjoy. Some people reinvent themselves in
their forties, many people start families in their forties. Your not old.
— Carey N.
January 27, 2002
I had to reread this post a couple times, and really think about it. Im
only 34 now but had open RNY last year, so I was 33. Do I wish I could have
had it when I was in my 20s, Well you betcha, but I guess everything
happens in its own time. Now to reply to your post, Ive been thinking alot
about it, I do believe that your only as old as you feel, but I do
sympathize with what your thinking about. First let me start out by saying
that as humans we all believe things are going to change so dramatically in
our lives, when we make these huge choices. I remember when I was younger
thinking only if someone loved me for who I was, then I would be complete.
Then I found my husband and he did love the way I wanted, but I still wasnt
complete, or so I thought. Then it was only if we could have our own home,
then I would be, Well we bought our first home 6 yrs after being married,
Of course then it was again Only if I had a baby, Our baby came a year
later. Now dont get me wrong I was so very happy with all the wonderful
things God gave me, but I Still wasnt complete. The weight Oh boy the
weight was a huge factor in my life, The one thing I couldnt control and
one thing I wanted to control. So 2 1/2 years ago we researched and finally
In June of 2001 I had my surgery, I was sure it would the end all of my
worries and troubles. I am down 100lbs and feel absolutly wonderful, but
guess what. It wasnt the thing that completed me. I finally found out
something, No matter what Ive accomplished, No matter what I do, or how
much I try there is only one thing that is going to complete me. That is
giving myself the chance to feel all the good and not the bad. It was
inside me the whole time, but I just never seen it, Nor did I give myself
permission to accept all the wonderful things that God grants us on a daily
base. I think we all make excuses at times, when we dont want to change,
cuz lets face it, change is sometimes hard. But you sound like a very nice
person, who just is looking for the end of that rainbow, and Ill bet ya its
been with you the whole time. Just take the time to see it,and relish the
beautiful things in your life. I hope this helps you some. Just know what
ever we are, no matter what, Is a gift. Old, Young, Fat, Thin, Rich, or
poor, we all matter. Thats the bottom line. Good Luck, Youll be in my
thoughts, and prayers :o)...
— Ann A.
January 27, 2002
Here's some perspective from a 50 year old woman who had LAP RNY at age 49
and turned 50 six days later. Now this is how I honestly feel. I don't
mind getting old but I couldn't stand being fat. I actually rather enjoy
the years adding up, I feel every day is blessing, a gift. BUT I could not
handle growing old AND getting fatter by the day. Now that the weight is
coming off and I am feeling so much better, it's great! Ya know what? I
wouldn't want to be 18 or 21 or even 30 again. I was so naive and stupid
and all three of those time periods in my life. (I would, however, love to
have the body I had at those ages, which is my new goal). I think we all
"season" and become wiser with age. I don't color my hair
either; mother nature is doing it for me. My hair is VERY dark brown and
I'm getting these streaks of grey which look wonderful. Now if the grey
was coming in all at once from the roots like it does on some people, I
would definitely have started coloring it. But I like my grey, I like my
age, and I'm starting to love my body again. I am so thankful for a second
chance at being healthy again, I just don't know how to express it in
words. Well, yes I do. It's a miracle!
— blank first name B.
January 27, 2002
One more thing. Don't think I don't relate to your being depressed over
your age. I remember when I turned 30 I was so depressed because those
magic 20's were OVER. Then when I turned 40, it was like "how ancient
is this?!" Then I was convinced I was going to die when I was 41
cause my Mom died when she was 41. I was 9. I just knew I was going at
41, like a repeat. But then comes the wisdom, you learn to appreciate it
all. Please......enjoy the ride, especially as a thin person now.
— blank first name B.
January 27, 2002
I have been away all afternoon (at my pre-op nutrition class) and just got
home and read these answers. I am SO MAD I could just spit. I may not
have had this surgery yet, but I am way over 40 and have been clinically
depressed for a number of years. Without anti-depressants I would probably
have killed myself a number of years ago. For all of you who think this
woman should just 'get up and do it' or 'look on the bright side' or
whatever, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? As Sheryl said, if you have never
been clinically depressed, how dare you say anything like that? It is
exactly the same as all the people who have told overweight people that
they should 'just push yourself away from the table', 'just eat less and
exercise more'. If that were possible, would you have had the surgery? If
it were possible to just put on a smile and the world will be great, don't
you think this person would have done it? She needs some support and
understanding, not a bunch of people just telling her to get over it. I
hate the saying because it's so overused but 'YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!'
— garw
January 27, 2002
Hi there!! I just had to answer to this post!! I was reading through all
of the answers and when I saw what Ann Andrews wrote I just about lost it..
that was me to a T!!!!! I am one of those "this will make me
happy" fanatics!! LOL!! finding my husband, buying a house, adopting
our baby.. All of these things are WONDERFUL things in my life, but the
natural "high" only seems to last so long.. before you start
thinking.. "I really wish my husband would get out of my hair",
"we really need a bigger house" and "Please, child, STOP
BEING SO CLINGY!!!!!!" LOLOLOL!
I'm writing this because I am YOUR dream age.. I'm 22 years old.. Yes, 22,
and I have been married for nearly 5 years to a truly incredible man, we
bought our own house a year and a half ago, and we adopted our daugther
last year.. and I hope to have surgery this summer.. Will this then make
my life perfect?? Will it fulfill my wildest dreams? Would you wish to
be me?? No, of course not!! I have been on medication for 2 years for
panic attacks.. I still have slight battlings with depression every now and
then.. (HORMONES!!).. We all have our battles.. it is part of the human
condition.. I really URGE you to go speak with someone about your
feelings.. if it is depression, you need help (many of us have been there
and done that)...
I absolutely LOVE my life and my family, and I feel that I am leading a
very blessed life, but does that mean that I'm going to feel perfect and
content all the time?? NOT! You will hit highs and you will hit lows..
Now you're at a low, tomorrow will be different... sometimes I just let
myself cry and other times, I've got to give myself a swift kick in the
a**, and say "HEY, WAKE UP!!!!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE GOT!!! You've
got THE best husband and father around.. THE most beautfiul, sweet little
girl on the face of the planet, and you've got one heck of a cool house!!!!
"
You saying that you feel old and wish to be young, is like me saying I wish
to be a movie-star billionaire!! (and we all know that they've got some
major issues!! LOL!!)
I guess basically all I'm trying to say is that you wouldn't be any happier
being any younger, older, wiser, smarter, fatter, thinner, richer, poorer..
You would find something to "wish" you had no matter what..
don't we all??? Everyone's got something they'd like to change.. I wish
you so much in luck in everything and lots of HUGS for how you're
feeling!!! We all go through some rough spots and this is just one of
yours!! but you'll make it through... and go ahead and try all of those
new things that you were planning on trying!!! I know that i can't wait to
go horseback riding!!!!! YEEHAW!!!! LOL!!!!!!
Hoping that you feel better soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nicole
— Nicole A.
January 27, 2002
Hi. I couldn't help but respond to this post. I feel like I can relate
somewhat. I am 13 months post-op and will be turning 40 years old in June.
I have battled severe depression for the past two and a half years. It
sounds like you might be depressed. I know other posts have mentioned, but
I wanted to point out that you may or MAY NOT need medication, depending
upon your diagnosis, but you will not know unless you talk to someone. I
did need medication for a chemical imbalance. The medications worked
wonders and literally saved my life. This was all before my surgery. Since
the surgery, I've been hoping to be able to get off the anti-depressants.
Unfortunately, even with all the positive changes, I still need them.
However, they allow me to joyfully experience all the poitive changes in my
life. I no longer have to take insulin shots and the dosages of my other
medications are way down. Yes, I feel a little blue about turning 40 this
year, and the fact that after losing 100 pounds, I still have about 30 more
to go and have a LOT of hanging skin! But, the medications help to keep me
on a more even keel. As others have said, the WLS doesn't change your whole
life, it changes your health for the better. For many of us, just feeling
healthier does seem to make a tremendous difference, but for others, it's
just a small piece of the puzzle that makes up our lives. You've taken a
major step by dealing with your MO, I wish you the courage to take other
major steps needed to deal with the other issues in your life. You've taken
one giant step and you can take others. You just need to take them one at a
time. If you can figure out which issues need to be a priority, you can
decide how to best deal with them. Just as you found a way to improve your
physical health, you can find a way to deal with your mental health. 40 is
very young, I'm finding. Hell, just before my surgery, I quit my job, and
moved across the country to go for a Ph.D. I feel like I'm starting all
over again, even sometimes like a college kid. It is quite wonderful, but
then again, without the medication, the depression would probably kill me.
Please, try to find the strength to get help. You don't have to live with
those feelings. May you find the strength and peace to deal with your
problems. Good luck. Maria
PS I've recently gotten back into moderate workouts and found that I feel
younger than when I let the workouts lapse. Sometimes a great day at the
gym makes you feel better. {{HUGS}}
— Maria H.
January 29, 2002
Today is the first day of the rest of your life...ENJOY IT! Eyes forward.
— Elizabeth C.
January 31, 2002
I am the poster of this question. Blessings to all who cared enough to
answer, and especially to Gar, Sheryl, Fay, and Barbara. I am fighting
depression and am trying to puzzle out how best to do so. To all the
pre-ops, don't be discouraged by my posting. It's waiting till midlife to
have the surgery that I regret--not having the surgery itself. Would I do
it again? You bet!
— [Anonymous]
January 31, 2002
I too have been dealing with depression. Have been on meds for years and
understand your frustration. Please write me if you need to. Hugs, Barb
— Barbara H.
September 11, 2003
If you had diabetes and needed insulin, you wouldn't think twice. You need
an antidepressant medication. You don't have to suffer.
— sgaiwalker
October 25, 2003
I do not know how long ago you posted your question, but reading it tonight
made me think of a couple of things. #1- If you haven't sought medical
attention by now... you should probably consider it. #2- I haven't had my
surgery yet, but I'm planning on it being my "re-birth" day. So,
on 11-24-2004, I'll be the grand old age of 1... hehehe.
— Melissa R.
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