Question:
Should I tell my in-laws?

I have told my family and two best friends about having the surgery done. My husband thinks we should tell his family. I say it's me and not him, so they don't need to know. Plus his side is so two-faced it's not even funny. All I need is more talking behind my back. I already feel uncomfortable around them. His Grandma bought me a T-Shirt with my kids pic. on it and said, "I hope it fits, it sure looks small". I felt like pond scum. Am I wrong for wanting my husbands side kept in the dark? P.S. It's not like I can depend on any of them for post-op help anyway.    — Cinna G. (posted on October 10, 2001)

October 10, 2001
Your body, your decision, your operation. But I'd suggest you tell your husband specifically that you don't want his family told. Best of luck to you! Nina
   — [Deactivated Member]

October 10, 2001
I am not telling my in-laws or my brother or sister. This is my decision to make not their's. I have told my husband not to tell them either. If my son who is five slips and says something. I have instructed my husband to tell them that I had gall bladder surgery. Which will not be a lie as I am having that removed at the same time. Hope this help you.
   — pattyw

October 10, 2001
Don't feel too bad. I am not telling my in laws either. I made my dear hubby swear to say not a peep. I also am not telling my twin brother. He would flip. It gets discouraging hearing negativity or lectures. Besides my mother in law said I was acting like a china doll because I refused to talk to him when we got into an arguement when I was pregnant with my second child(the whole unnessesary stress thing) So to answer your question you are not alone. Do what you have to do for you.
   — Briana A.

October 10, 2001
My inlaws all live in Great Britain. The last time they visited was 5 1/2 years ago. I was pretty heavy but had just had a baby 2 weeks prior to their arrival, so I had an 'excuse'. Since that visit, I've gained at least 50 pounds. They haven't seen me morbidly obese. I never send pictures of myself. They are nice people, but all naturally thin and I just feel very self conscious about my weight. My mother in law tends to be a very negative person, always finding the cloud within the silver lining. I can only imagine what she would say about this operation. So no, I will not be telling them about my surgery. It really wouldn't serve a purpose. Maybe some day when its all said and done. I've always worried that one of them would hit the lottery and surprize us with a visit! There is talk of them visiting us next summer. That will be 6 or 7 months post op for me and hopefully, I'll be down enough to be able to keep my little secret lol.
   — Donna L.

October 10, 2001
I decided that I was not telling any of my in-laws. They are very opinionated and not a single one of them has ever had a weight problem. Early on I decided the only ones I was going to tell were my parents and a few friends. Well, discovered my close cousin had the surgery shortly after my initial consultation. So I spoke to her about it and confided in her. I also asked her not to tell anyone cause I wanted it to be private. WELL, Just found out she let the cat out of the bag and EVERYONE on my mom's side of the family now knows. Needless to say, she is on the top of my s*** list right now. Who you choose to tell is completely our personal decision. Just make sure who you do tell will respect your privacy . I found out the hard way. I'm just glad my husband's family live 600 miles away from all my aunts , uncles, and cousins who know I am having the surgery now.
   — Kim B.

October 10, 2001
I am not going to tell my in-laws either. I do not even want them to come see me in the hospital. My mother in law always has to be the center of attention. She makes me feel like a child. I'm pre-op right now and have lost some weight (My doctor recommended it) My husband told my mother in law so she had to do better than me and supposedly lost 40lbs just recently. I told him if he ever tells my in laws it's over between us. I know it's a bit harsh but it's how I feel. My advice would be don't tell anyone you think will react negatively - you don't need that right now. Good Luck.
   — [Anonymous]

October 11, 2001
It's your body; so, the decision *should* be yours. But, in all likelihood, your husband is going to tell one of them any way and the'll all end up knowing. You've made a mature, sensible decision. So, tell them yourself. Better yet, print off some info from one of the websites and let them read it for themselves. They intimidate you because you "allow" it. They will never respect you....regardless of your size....if you don't respect yoursself.
   — [Anonymous]

October 11, 2001
I had surgery last January and only two people know...my husband and my mother. It has been fun keeping "our little secret". My mother is so proud of me, however, she has said nothing to my father or any of my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.. When we are together and they compliment me on my weight loss, I can tell she is proud. My husband has always wanted me to appear "normal". Although, he was supportive of my surgery, he felt it was anything but normal. So, it has not been difficult for him to keep this secret from his family. I don't think he wanted to appear "weird". It was very interesting keeping this from them while I was in the hospital, but we did it. I just sort of disappeared for a while. My mother kept the kids while my husband worked. She didn't answer the phone for 3 days and I was able to return messages when I got home. The kids thought I was on a "trip" and so I have never risked their accidentally spilling the beans. I had no visitors in the hospital and that was okay, as long as my children were well taken care of. My in-laws live about 4 miles away and we see each other several times a week. Post op, my mother in law came over to visit and I just acted normal. It went very well. While I applaud those who shout this from the rooftops, for me, keeping it private was the best way to go.
   — Shelley.

October 11, 2001
If you choose to alter your body surgically, you should first be completely comfortable with your choice. If you are "truely" comfortable with your choice, it should not matter who knows.
   — Joe L.

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