FYI: I'm headed to the hospital early in the morning...

Please, please, please say a prayer for me, that everything will go smoothly. I'm afraid, I admit it, but I'm trying to concentrate on all the many reasons I decided to do this surgery to begin with -- Because I'm afraid of dying if I don't. I feel like I live on the sidelines of life and watch it pass me by, unable to be an active participant because I'm so weighted down by this mass around me, smothering, unable to move and breathe... What does it feel like to feel whole and healthy? I think I've forgotten. I crave the day I can wake up and feel some real ENERGY and vibrance. I want to be able to walk without my feet hurting, to sit in a theater seat without my hips aching, to fit in an amusement park ride. I want to be able to go into ANY restaurant and not have to look for the biggest booth. I want to ride a bike with my son, or maybe strap on some rollerblades and challenge him to a race -- I want to participate more actively in his life. God knows, he's been cheated of a mother who could share in his interests WITH him. I want to stand up without my joints aching from the weight. I want to walk two blocks without turning red in the face and puffing, or better yet, ro RUN again! I want to see myself in those black strappy heels and the proverbial little black dress, and I want a wardrobe full of shorts in every color of the rainbow! I look forward to the day I can pass a window and not cringe at the sight reflected there. I look forward to walking through the mall with my head high and my step light, without the pitiful looks or ghastly stares by those who view me as their worst nightmare and pray, "God, don't EVER let me end up like that..." How much have I sacrificed to this fat I've been too long buried in? There is an exuberant, vital woman in here who has spent years dying slowly, overwhelmed -- SHE is the reason I chose to do this surgery. I can say these things here, voice my trepidations and feelings, because so many of you can relate, and I thank God for each of you. At any rate, I just wanted to vent a little anxiety before I head off to the hospital. I needed a 'pep talk' of sorts LOL! Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive! Chat soon, God willing. Shell

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