Do you have fears about becoming thin because of your past?

I am 37 years old and am working on getting surgery approval. I am 260lbs and only 5'4". Like most I have been on many diets and have had success only to regain all that I have lost plus more. 10 years ago, about the time I met my husband to be, I dieted and lost over 100lbs. I felt and looked great(145LBS), but the whole time I was loosing my motivations were, what I feel now, skewed. I was loosing so I could show "everybody" I could do it, I told myself I would just date, have fun, make old boyfriends regret not merrying me, reasons like that. I felt great physically but mentally not myself. I almost felt too free. Then I met my husband and being thin felt even more uncomfortable mentally. Other Men would approach me and that felt unsafe somehow. I have had some sexual abuse by an uncle and this could have a part in these feelings. But sence that time of normal weight, after getting married to my wonderful husband and imediate pregnancy, I gained all of my weight back. Sence then I have lost 70lbs here and there but struggle when men start noticing me and commenting on my looks. Its allmost as if I run back to the protection that being fat offers (as if there is any). I always gain the weight back. I am sure that this is only a small fraction of the whole picture as to why I can't keep the weight off. But because I recoqnize it as a factor, and If I get my surgery I want to be fully sucessfull, I need answers. I want to deal with this issue head on and win the battle! Do you have any sugestions for me?.

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