DESPERATE! Please help me....Im gaining too much weight back!

I am 3 years out from Proximal open RNY. I am 5'5 and weighed 301 lbs. pre-op and got down to my lowest of 138 lbs. last summer. I looked great, felt great...and was happy. Shortly after my surgery, I got pregnant and had a baby, everything went well. I didn't gain any weight at all while I was pregnant, and actually continued to lose weight well after I delivered. I have been lucky. I haven't had to count calories or carbs or even watch my sweets. I have been able to eat ANYTHING I want since surgery (just smaller portions of course.) Nothing was really off limits to me. I never really exercised, and the weight still fell off of me. I thought this was a magic pill for me despite all the warnings out there. This last December, I noticed the scales move from 138 to 146 or so. I didn't freak out too bad....and shamefully ignored it actually. My size 4's still fit and I didn't notice it in the mirror. Then in the beginning of Feb, I weiged around 156. Then I freaked out. My clothes were too tight. I felt miserable. I went on Atkins right away and even took some Trimspa...I didn't cheat at all! And after two weeks, I hadn't lost a single pound! I felt horrible. Then to top it all off...I found out I was pregnant again! So, I went off the diet pills and Atkins and decided to eat healthy for the baby. But, the weight just piled on after that. I weighed two weeks ago and the scales said 169! How can this be? I haven't been gorging or anything! It can't be the baby yet...I am only 17 weeks pregnant. I have gained a whopping 30 POUNDS since DECEMBER!!!! I am so upset and ashamed. I refuse to see my friends, go out in public at all, I even cancel my doctor's appointments because I am so embarrassed. No...it is not twins either. At this rate, I will be well over 200 lbs. by delivery! I am already "overweight or obese" again. I feel hopeless...so much so, that I am drinking slim fasts and only eating small salads, and boiled eggs every day. I know that isn't good for the baby...but I am so desperate and so petrified to gain so much weight again. I can understand maybe gaining 5-6 pounds so far in my pregnancy...but this is not right. Please help me. What should I do??? I thought about just trying to maintain what I am currently at...but it seems either I have to lose or gain...nothing in between works. PLEASE don't bash me and tell me I am a bad Mom...I know I am being a little selfish...but I can't seem to stop now that I have started this "diet" Any advice?

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