Please don't judge me, but I think I may need mental help

I have lost 141 pounds which I know is good, but does anyone out there ever feel like making yourself vomit just to be sure that you are not going to EVER gain back any weight? 2 weeks ago, I gained 4 pounds, last week I lost it again. I am so scared, I never want to be big again. I have myself convinced in my head that throwing up is fine since I take so many vitamins in the morning and don't eat anything that the vitamins absorb and give me plenty of nourishment. I am scared to death to stretch my stomach back out. I know I sound like a genuine nutcase and my man tells me to stop, but I need help from someone who has been there. I also weigh myself once in the morning and once at night before I leave work just to see what the difference is. My coworkers stand outside that restroom at work to try to keep me from throwing up, but I don't care, I do it anyway. Any help would be great.

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