I'm getting a Do-Over!

Okay, not a whole do-over, but sort of.  I am 3 1/2 years out from getting the gastric sleeve in Mexico.  I went from 275 to I80 in 6 months.  I stayed the same for a while, but started gaining about a year ago or so.  Since Christmas of last year, I've gained about 20.  So, I'm back to about 225.  Give or take since I won't look.

SO, tomorrow I am getting my gallbladder out.  I had two attacks last August and then forgot about it and this August I had quite a few and they lasted a long time and it turns out I have gallstones. 

I've decided to start the 5 day pouch test tomorrow.  I NEED to get away from bad carbs and slider foods.  I don't over-eat so I know my sleeve still works.  The surgeon is going to take a peak at it for me just so i can get a good report on it .  I mean I do over eat as far as calories, but I don't stuff myself.

I am ordering the book the 6th day and Beyond.  I guess what I've learned to do is eat around it and ignore the whole thing basically.  Only a few family members know and they dont get it at all.  I have never bothered to learn about my sleeve.  I have never said good-bye to food as a comfort.  I'm not a HUGE comfort eater, but let's face it, it's still enjoyable.

I have never gained back the total eating enjoyment that I used to have, so I guess that's good.  BUT, I can see in another couple years, I would be back to the beginning.  I think I can do this now.  I have NEVER been able to follow any diet for more then a day or two.  This isn't really a diet I guess.  It's what I need to do for my sleeve to work.  If anything so it's not a total waste of money.

The worst part of gaining weight back though is the total feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, self loathing and total anxiety.  I can't do it.  I may be exagerating the" Say Goodbye to Food" thing, but I feel like I need to do that right now.  I NEED to change EVERYTHING I know about EVERYTHING.  I didn't learn about it the first time.  It's NOT just a diet.  It's how my body is DIFFERENT then other peoples and I DON'T need to eat how they do for them to like me. 

So, thanks for reading this.  I am NOT good at asking for help.  I NEED to do this though.  I have realized there are NO short-cuts.  This is something EVERY surgery person NEEDS to know and live by.  Without so much eating, there will be TONS of more time for other things.  Cooking for my family is going to be hard.  After my first surgery, I kinda gave up regular cooking because it just didn't matter to me.  I think NOW, I need to build their meals around mine. 

Anyway, I hope I can do this.  I CAN'T go back.  If I can be of help to someone else, please let me know!  I'll be happy to be buddies.  I will update on my 1st day of the Pouch Test tomorrow night.  I'm spending the night at the hospital and taking my protein powder.  I am making soup in the crockpot right now and took chicken off the bones and stuck it in the freezer for next week.  That's the most planning I think I've ever done.  I SO want to be skinny and fit.

Wow, that felt good to get out.  I've been so ashamed for so long, I wouldn't even look on this site.

Thanks Much,
Amy

 Looking into that book you mentioned. I am also ashamed of my lack of discipline to keep it off. I loved myself for the first time when I finally lost the weight. Why did I slip? Old habits die hard. I am so happy for you! I hope it goes well for you.

 Couldn't find the book to take a look on google. Who is the author?

The book is by Kaye Bailey and you can find it on the Living After WLS or by going to the 5DPT.  You will be able to find the book and a lot of other information including recipes.

Dreamgirl119

Amy,
We're all here for you!  You are not alone, that's why this forum was started.  It's so easy to get off track.   Stop by every day and post on the daily Cafe/Cardio. 
You can do this! 
Deb